%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4023952 |
 | When There Were No Cell Phones  [E] Remember when  |
| (3.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Hello, Lacy . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. Please let me know if you have any questions as you navigate the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely.   First Impressions My first thought when I saw this piece was that it was going to be something interesting to see from another perspective. I think the title lets us know exactly what we're going to be reading about and attempting to relate to in your story.  Subject Matter This is about what things were like before people didn't have cell phones. I'm only twenty-two now and I got my first cell phone when I was fourteen. I do remember not having a cell phone before that though. I remember being out and having to try to rush to my friend's house to call my mom at the time I promised her I would.  Things That Worked I think people of all ages will be able to relate to some extent with this topic. The younger generation might remember the change that it had on their childhood when cell phones became more common in all households. One thing I think is way different now is that with texting, you never get a break from people. I'm happy that you mentioned how you can leave messages through text now whereas you couldn't before. I didn't get texting on my first cell phone, that didn't come along until I was sixteen for me. I remember it completely changing because my girlfriends would call and then immediately blow up my phone with text messages asking where I was and what I was doing.  We don't get any privacy anymore!You did a good job of explaining different scenarios where life is different now with cell phones than they were before we had them. It's interesting to see this from the perspective of someone who might be a little bit older than me as well because they have a completely different experience with it.  Suggestions The biggest thing I noticed that you may want to take a look at is that this all feels rushed. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it feels like you're trying to get these different scenarios out as quickly as possible. You repeat yourself a lot by saying, "The thing with cell phones is..." "Another thing with cell phones is..." I think you need to step back and reread so that you'll notice the parts that feel especially rushed, almost like you're ranting.  Final Thoughts This was definitely an interesting subject to read about and one that I'm sure many people will have an opinion on. I think there is some room for improvement with the timing and flow of the piece. Thanks again for sharing with us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 08/05/2014 @ 9:51pm EDT