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 Review #4238739 |
 | Heaven Lake  [XGC] They had been friends for all their lives, but one afternoon changed everything. Underage.  |
| (4.5)| Review brought to you by: "Game of Thrones" by Gaby  PLOT - June and Wyatt grow up together, and are in their senior year of high school, just before prom. She knows of the beatings he endures at the hands of his father who has never recovered from the loss of his high school sweetheart. The pair talk to one another, share secrets, and enjoy swimming at the lake, but in school, they hardly talk to one another, running in different circles. SETTING - Really good descriptions through this piece. It was easy to see how much they cared for each other, the lake, and how young love develops out of an innocent friendship. CHARACTERS - Wyatt has always had a thing for June, but he doesn't really admit it with words. His actions though prove this. He's had a rough life, and his only relief from that pain is his friend and being at the lake away from everything and everyone. June teases him a lot, but she too has feelings for him that she masks, neither wanting to ruin their friendship by becoming more, yet passion takes holds. GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE - They drove to the outskirts of the small town and then took the dirt road that lead-led to the lake, June said mischievously, rising an eyebrow. --try raising or as her eyebrow rose. Her tongue gliding against his, tickling the roof of his mouth as they were lost into the moment. There is a scene where they are out of the water and exploring one another and she puts the condom on him, but them preforms an act that I would think should take place before the condom goes on. Might want to read that paragraph again. THOUGHTS - They are a sweet couple, experiencing their first time together after being best friends most of their lives. Crossing that boundary is not an easy task, and you showed that well. It was a quick read with good banter between them, as well as good descriptions that paint a vivid picture in the readers mind. Good job. Write on!   
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