%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4300215 |
 |  | Know Thine Enemy  [18+] Two hundred years after a colony vanishes, they return with a warning.  |
| (4.0)| Hello! I have read your first chapter or Know Thine Enemy and I would love to give you some feedback. Please note that I am not an expert and these are just my personal thoughts and suggestions.  The Hook: A navel ship in space comes across an unknown vessel Characters: You're characters are well thought out. Each with their own personality. Captain Scott and his XO Shay, Chief Gavin, Lieutenant Drew. After introducing the character there is a small description of what they do on the ship. This is great for your readers to get a sense of who they are already and what their jobs are.  Plot: So far the crew has encountered an unknown ship and are in the midst of finding out who it is. The small bits of information you give out is important too. Knowing that humans have been in space for 300 years and have never found an alien life but ruins of them are interesting. Setting: Space. Overall impression: I am interested on reading more. I like the character development. Suggestions: Sometimes the beginning is the hardest. I had a hard time with the first sentence "Captain Scott jerked awake at the sound of the alert klaxon blaring, the lights snapping on forced him to squint in pain." I would break it down into two sentences to help it flow better. It seems a bit unnatural to me as does this sentence. "I can't see what are they protecting or guess why they are here." It's the second part of the sentence that got me. If you said, "...or even give a guess as to why they are here." It seems more natural conversation. Warm Regards, Stephanie ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/17/2017 @ 2:02pm EST