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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4500673
Review #4500673
Viewing a review of:
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ruwth is writing... Open in new Window. [18+]
I will be adding stories & reflections as time marches on. Take a gander today!
by ruwth Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "An Invisible Force...Open in new Window.
Review by Roseille ♥ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi, ruwth Author Icon!

         *Gift* Overall Thoughts
My first impressions of your story.

         I'm here to read and review your story as a fellow participant in "I Write." This is an interesting short-short introspective piece from the POV of whatever force created the crop circles in the photo you link at the bottom of the page. What a lovely, mystical perspective you've captured!

         I'm very interested in the force you describe and wish I knew more about it. I love the playfulness and haughtiness of this unnamed being who wants to watch people scramble to understand or "discover" the being's intent but believes such understanding is entirely beyond them. Your descriptions made me think of a trickster-type character. I think it's appropriate that you don't really go into the actual reasons behind the creation of the crop circles. After all, we humans cannot possibly comprehend them. *Wink* Then again, the lack of a discernible beginning, middle, and end makes this feel less like a story and more like a snippet. I do like that it comes full circle, though. It starts by talking about the being watching humans try to unpack its work and ends in the same way.

          — Character:

         The unnamed force that created the crop circles is the first-person narrator in this snippet. You do a good job of giving the character a strong voice and personality!

          — Plot:

         Because the entire story consists of disconnected musings from this being, there's not really much of a plot. It still does make for a very interesting read!

          — Description/Style:

         I love the pride that's so clear in the being's no-nonsense, confident predictions of what the humans "will" do. It really works with the personality you gave the character. I ran into a couple of snags. I'll mention them below.

          *Gift* Things I liked *Thumbsup* :
If something special stood out at me, I'll note it here.

*Bullet* Then I will go away for a while and leave them to try and discover me through my work. I can't explain why I love it, but this is my favorite line. *Heart*

*Bullet* They will always wonder. They will look for me and try to discern the source of my power. I love the confident future tense. This being denies that humans have the ability to fathom its motives but is unshakably confident in its ability to predict their actions.

          *Gift* Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation Suggestions:
These are things I saw that could be changed to improve the piece...

*Bullet*discovered — This is a very short story, so the repetition of this word (twice at the start of the story) stands out. Perhaps another word might serve just as well?

*Bullet*I will continue to hover invisible over my work and watch them — This was a bit confusing. Here, the being is "continuing" to watch the humans, but the most recent descriptions of its actions included its intent to "go away for a while." It feels like something is missing.

*Bullet*Theirs created with wood and string and other such things can never be exactly like my magical swirls untouched by anything other than the breath of my soul as I whirl and twirl. — I think this is probably just me, but the no-nonsense tone of the being seems slightly at odds with these whimsical, pretty descriptions. It could just be that I don't understand your character, though. *Blush*

*Bullet*That is the answer that they will never know. — I'd suggest removing one instance of "that."

          *Gift* In Closing:
Final thoughts...

         A fascinating look into the mind of an unfathomable force. It takes courage to write from unfamiliar perspectives, and I think you did a great job here! Please feel free to take any suggestions that align with your vision for this story and discard any that don't! Thank you for sharing, and...

Write On!

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/28/2019 @ 1:57am EDT
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