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 Review #4528000 |
| (3.0)| Greetings, Steven! Welcome to this wondrous writing community. You are off to a fantastic start by populating your port and finding your way around to some of the various features available on this vast site. I saw your introduction on the "Noticing Newbies" forum and wanted to offer a few observations in the spirit of friendly hospitality and constructive support. Of course, they are nothing more than one person's opinions, so take them or leave them for whatever you think they may be worth.TITLE: The single word in this title triggers a strong emotional reaction on a universal scale. Some may be positive, some may be negative, but it is always there, one way or another, in spite of the fact that it has been severely overused. FORM & STRUCTURE: In traditional poetry, the fixed shape of the meter, rhyme, and stanza creates an emotional distance which facilitates universal acceptance. The poet writing free verse must compensate for the lack of traditional structure by designing the title, line, stanza, and rhythm to provide the greatest impact in an efficient manner. Otherwise, the poem will be nothing more than prose in disguise. Careful design of the word selection and arrangement, the length and density of each line, and the breakdown of stanzas must provide a natural rhythm. That is, through much toil in search of precise language, experimentation with forming lines and stanzas, and extensive revision, the poet carefully crafts a work that appears natural, authentic, and convincing to the reader. The variation in line lengths, ranging from six to ten syllables in no particular pattern, generates a tone of excitation, which complements the pictures your narrator is attempting to project very nicely. IMAGERY: Imagery is the lifeblood of a poem. Like a craftsman carving, molding, painting, and polishing wood, stone, clay, or some other material, the poet uses words to shape and paint pictures which present some lyrical impulse or spiritual truth. Rather than TELLING the audience about those feelings, the poet SHOWS the impressions through distinct images that project emotional overtones and associations with other images and events. In this way, the poet stirs an emotional response from the reader. Although your readers may feel a connection with the word "home," that connection will be based upon THEIR experiences, which could interfere with what your narrator is trying to convey. I believe you could strengthen your audience's engagement with THIS experience by providing some lively, vibrant action to reflect that home life, as Edgar Guest did in his poem of the same name: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44313/home-56d2235c059bf . Distinct, intimate details also project a much clearer picture upon the screen of your reader's imagination, as Ted Kooser did in his poem Abandoned Farmhouse: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/52935/abandoned-farmhouse . Can you not see how the "bedroom wall papered with lilacs" and the "sandbox made from a tractor tire" will spark a stronger sentiment from you audience. Let us see a few of those details which made you feel "safe and accepted." NARRATIVE: The passive language ("It used to be," "It was," "it is") creates a distance in the reader's mind. Active voice is much more effective in maintaining your readers' interest, as explained in the following link: https://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/active-voice-adds-impact-to-y... . The vague reference to "her" in the last line indicates that someone new has come into your narrator's life who gives him "hope." We would love to see the sparkle in her blue/brown/green/hazel? eyes which affected him in that way, and also more detail about the "hope." OVERALL IMPRESSION: With all due respect to Dr. Albert Einstein, I have formulated my own theory of relativity: No matter how accomplished someone is, there is always room for improvement; no matter how new someone is to a particular process, there are always others out there who could use your help with a little fresh perspective. We all started from the same point. A prima ballerina began her journey by taking a few faltering baby steps, falling down, getting up, and trying again. Even at the pinnacle of her career, she still practices tirelessly to continue honing her craft. One of the easiest ways to learn how to do something is by imitation. From the very first words we speak as infants, we are encouraged to follow the ways of others to learn the proper ways of doing things. We mimic those behaviors over and over until they become second nature and we develop the confidence we need to venture out on our own. Writing poetry can be learned in much the same way. When we started writing poetry, many of us probably recalled the Mother Goose rhymes of our childhood and made our first humble attempts with that model in mind. The technical aspects of both classical and modern poets can be emulated to great advantage. Read their poetry and study it closely. When you come upon a poem or passage that impresses you, scrutinize it, breaking it down word by word to learn the techniques and devices that make it work so well. If you study a particular poet extensively, you may find your own writing inadvertently following similar emphasis and inflection, even though you intended to write independently. It becomes contagious. The important thing is to develop the skills and build your confidence in the use of various poetic tools. While imitation of the technical elements of crafting can be helpful, the philosophies and ideas of others should not be copied directly just because they are successful or popular. If they appeal to you, do the research and study the primary sources on the topic until you have a full comprehension of the topic. Only then will you be able to express those thoughts in your own terms. Language is a malleable medium, like clay, to be molded and shaped to suit each individual’s purpose. Once you have developed the skills to mold effectively by imitation, you will be able to find your own style and rhythm so that every element in your being can contribute to your poetry. No one else was born to your parents at just that time and place and has lived through the exact same experiences and reached the same conclusions as you have. Therefore, you are the only one qualified to express precisely what you think about any situation. This is what makes your work original. Emotional freedom, integrity and the special quality of your own work are not what you start with, but they are what you finally attain through patience, diligence and inspiration. You have achieved the most important step in this process by capturing your thoughts on paper before they can fly away like fireflies in the night. In that effort, you have excavated a golden nugget from the depths of your imagination. Keep polishing this nugget to maximize the effects and transform it into the magnificent jewel it can be. Write on! If you are interested in learning more about the craft of composing poetry, or merely chatting among like-minded wordsmiths, we would love to have you join our discussions in "The Poet's Place " group. Here's wishing you fair winds as you continue to navigate this universe known as Writing.Com. Let the creativity flow from your soul!  Dave "The Poet's Place " * All items are rated in accordance with the guidelines provided in "Comment-In-A-Box" . My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/24/2020 @ 4:44pm EST