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Review #4735127
Viewing a review of:
 Pirates and Elephants Open in new Window. [E]
A story of childhood imagination.
by Rick H Author Icon
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

I liked how this story developed; from the first to the second mistake, to really big mistakes, it was clear that this endeavour wouldn’t end well. Hindsight is a great thing though, and to the nine year old narrator’s mind, I can see why it all made sense. I chuckled when the friends kept asking question after question, not that easily convinced (and probably burned by previous adventures), and the narrator more or less patiently answered them all until he had persuaded them. And then he seals his fate with the line, I told my friends I didn’t see how anything could possibly go wrong. At this point, the readers wait with baited breath to see what and how badly it would actually go wrong - as well as being curious what was in those chests but assuming by now that the narrator wouldn’t actually find out.

Well, it was quite spectacular. Not only did they fail in their quest, it also ruined the rest of the summer. It did, however, provide you with the opportunity to tell an amusing (for the readers) and entertaining tale, so something good came out of it!


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was quite polished but I noticed a few errors:

adventure has it’s genesis
You need “its” without the apostrophe.

split an old wooden crate in to some things
“into”, one word.

why not bury at the top
There seems to be a word missing: bury it at the top?

and beside they didn’t
besides

When asked about why did nobody see them
I would probably reword this slightly. When asked about why nobody saw them

To Blackie’s way to thinking
way of thinking

these three treasure chest
chests

which or may not
Another missing word, may or may not

something to do my genetics argument
to do with my

with a outgoing
with an outgoing

her older bother
brother


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

Those are all just minor errors that didn’t really detract from the story itself, which was funny and well told. I especially liked the tone, and it felt like I got to know the nine year old who came up with this amazing plan quite well. I enjoyed the read!




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