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Review #4739524
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My Rainbow Bunny Open in new Window. [ASR]
Where is Chloe's Easter Gift? WDC Writer's Cramp entry 405 words
by Merry IE Author Icon
Review of My Rainbow Bunny  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Soundtrackers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello Merry IE

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary this month! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion, courtesy of the "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window. activity.


*Penw* Positives

I enjoyed the twist at the end; it was a darker ending than I had envisioned and I really liked the subverting of expectations that you were able to pull off. I also like the fact that you turned the prompt phase into a key object in the story was pretty clever. Nice job!


*Penw* Suggestions

I didn't see where the "holiday" genre elements worked their way into the story, which seemed to be a second part of the prompt. I think this would be a pretty easy fix; with more than 500 words remaining before you hit the word limit, there's ample space to work some kind of holiday element into the story as well.

The last line (Chloe yelling "MO-OM"), for me, cut a bit of suspense and tension out of the very end of the story. I think if you had ended on just Rainbow Bunny's foot from under the pillow, the story would have ended on a really sharp, exciting note. Adding the extra reaction from Chloe at the very end made it less surprising and made it feel more like just another round of bickering between siblings. I think the story would be better off ending on the shocking moment revealing what happened.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, this was an entertaining story and a fun take on the prompt. I really enjoyed reading it. Nice work!


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Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/26/2024 @ 7:27pm EDT
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