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Review #4741024
Viewing a review of:
 The Perfect Gift? Open in new Window. [13+]
Tom tries to buy his wife the perfect birthday present ...
by Sophurky Author Icon
Review of The Perfect Gift?  Open in new Window.
Review by . . . Jeremy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WRITING.COMmunity Service  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Sophurky

You are receiving this review of "The Perfect Gift?Open in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Gem* Areas of Strength

This short story is entertaining and engaging, with humorous moments and a heartwarming resolution.

You're really good in your use of humor to lighten the mood and engage the reader. Sue's exasperation with Tom's past gift choices and Tom's bumbling attempts to please her add comedic elements to the narrative. Tom's misunderstanding of Sue's request for a transporter and his awkward attempts at seduction provide comedic relief and contribute to the story's lighthearted tone.

The story has a clear conflict—finding the perfect birthday gift for Sue—and resolves it in a satisfying way—Tom surprises Sue with the transporter. This structure keeps the reader engaged and provides a sense of closure. The resolution, where Tom surprises Sue with the transporter despite her initial hesitation, shows his commitment to her happiness and reinforces their relationship. It was a nice touch of characterization.

Your use of the themes of love and effort in relationships are incorporated really well with just the right amount of flair so as to not overwhelm the actual story. Tom's willingness to go to great lengths to fulfill Sue's birthday wish demonstrates his love and dedication to her. His decision to purchase the transporter, despite its cost and his uncertainty, reflects his desire to make Sue happy and shows the depth of his affection for her.


*Gem* Areas for Improvement

Tom and Sue could be more fully developed to enhance the reader's understanding of their motivations and relationship. Adding backstory or inner monologue could provide depth to their personalities and make their interactions more engaging. This could be accomplished by including a flashback or reflection from Tom about his past birthday gift failures and his desire to finally get it right for Sue, showing his love and effort to please her.

While the dialogue shows the characters' personalities and relationship dynamics, adding more natural pauses and interruptions could make it feel more realistic. Instead of Sue cutting Tom off abruptly, allow their conversation to flow more naturally, with interruptions and overlaps that mimic real-life conversations between two people that know each other so intimately.

The story's pacing could be improved by tightening the narrative and focusing on key moments to maintain the reader's interest. One suggestion would be to shorten the description of Tom's purchase of the transporter and his anticipation of Sue's reaction to maintain momentum and avoid repetition.



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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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