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Review #4741554
Viewing a review of:
Walls Could Talk Open in new Window. [E]
A poem about a haunted old manor house.
by Detective Author Icon
Review of Walls Could Talk  Open in new Window.
Review by Lilli 🧿 ☕ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
House Martell image for G.o.T.

This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


Hello Detective Author Icon,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

*Shield1* First Impression:

Congratulations on winning my package which was offered at "Mad Hatter's Tea Party " Open in new Window.! This is the first of your three reviews.

Well, the first that grabbed me was the description line! You had me hooked on a haunted manor! This is a perfect example of how important proper use of the description line is! Good job!!!

I love a good scary story/poem and this fits the bill.


*Shield1* Thoughts:

I enjoy this poem, every word!!!

*Shield1* Favorite Part(s):

Oh, goodness!!! It's way too difficult to choose just one favorite part! But what I can tell you is that the first three stanzas really kept me glued to the piece. Rich and wonderful descriptions.

*Shield1* Suggestions:
I have a few suggestions to offer:

As rain beats a drum beat on dark tiled roofs,
Consider removing the word beat that appears after drum.

If walls could talk what stories would they tell?
A comma needs to be placed after the word talk.

Around and around they whirl across the floor,
A comma is needed after the second occasion of around.

As Old Man Winter storms outside bringing cold and snow.
Consider these options for rewording:
1. Old Man Winter storms outside, bringing cold and snow.
2. As Old Man Winter storms outside, he brings cold and snow.

Of memories good and bad.
Insert a comma after memories.

If walls could talk what stories would they tell?
A comma after talk is needed.
And again here {a couple of lines down), after talk: If walls could talk...

Where sobs and wails of grief are carried upon the winter wind.
Suggestions for slight rewording:

1. Where the winter wind carries sobs and wails of grief.
2. The winter wind carries sobs and wails of grief.

Do murder and madness still remain within it’s stately corridors and rooms?
Consider removing the word still, and it's should be its - no apostrophe.

The first line of the sixth octet needs a question mark.

With it’s macabre and manic history and tales of old.
it's should be its

Keep writing the spooky stuff!!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell





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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/03/2024 @ 2:11pm EDT
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