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 Review #4744052 |
  |  | Pick Me While I Am A Rose  [18+] Youth and its fleeting beauty.  |
| (5.0)| Hi Brenpoet  This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked:  This poem is beautiful. That's the only word that describes it well enough. Everything about it is like music, like liquid chocolate. You write with a wonderful rhythm and rhyme, and you use words to describe both the rose and a person's changing features as they age. I love how you compare their ageing to the rose, the most beautiful and romantic of flowers. This poem reminded me of one of Shakespeare's sonnets. I can't remember which one. He writes, "Summer's lease hath all too short a date," and that is what this poem made me think of. I love how sensual and seductive this poem is. "Summer's ruby crown" is such great imagery. This whole poem is one of vivid, visual imagery that excites the senses. Your use of the colour red also makes the poem romantic. My favourite stanza is the third one. In this, you mention pollen, and you speak of it as though it is a magic spell that will entice your lover to you. But, also, it is what the birds and insects are drawn to in the flowers. I haven't explained that well. But it is my favourite part of the poem. This is actually quite a sad poem. The narrator is asking her lover to come to her while she is young because, once she is no longer young, she will fade away. Her "Petals" will "die away." It makes me think of a dead rose head turning to dust, and the thought that a woman is groomed to think all her value lies in her looks is sad. But it is what we are taught. Suggestions: There is one place where the rhythm doesn't seem quite right. The first line of the last stanza. "One day I will shed my gown," While you can make the rhythm fit once you have read it and figured out how it should sound, but when I first read it, it stood out, just a little, as not quite fitting. My other suggestion is to maybe write the form you have used somewhere on the page. Only because I'm curious, and I don't really know how to find out. Parting comments: This poem is wonderful. You have a natural talent for writing rhyming poetry, and also for creating a great rhythm in your poetry. This poem is first class. Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 2:37pm EDT