%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4749795 |
 | Heart and Soul: Episode 01  [13+] Saki a fourteen year old girl mets a new friend, Yoshiro, a ghost.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: When I was looking for something to review for your anniversary, I spotted this story in your portfolio and noticed that you posted it in 2005 but it didn’t have any ratings. I don’t know why no one has reviewed it in all these years - it’s a good story. The description sounds interesting, and I liked your introduction where you explained that it was an original series. I’m a bit of a comic book nerd but anime has so far eluded me, so I was quite curious what this story would be about. You started with a very traumatic event for the little girl, but you didn’t describe it in detail as her brother made sure she didn’t actually see it. It was a good beginning and assured the readers’ attention. You then skipped forward ten years and gave a bit of background on what had happened to the now teenage girl in the meantime which, again, was well done as the main part of the story was going to be about the girl now. You showed her on her first day in a new school and how she made friends. I noticed that your descriptions of the characters were very detailed. The setting, on the other hand, seemed a little sparse, and while I could imagine the characters, from the main character to her new friends and the ghost, I struggled a little more to imagine where this took place.  Suggestions: I mainly noticed punctuation errors as I was reading, places where you forgot the commas, for example to set off a direct address. You also have a couple of formatting errors, where the main character’s thoughts, instead of written in italics, look like this: {I hated lying to my Sobo.} To put them in italics, use {i} at the beginning and {/i} at the end. My main suggestion is to put the translation for the Japanese words into the story, either with a PopNote or maybe simply by putting the English word in brackets after the Japanese word. I found it very distracting having to scroll all the way to the bottom for each word I didn’t know and losing my place in the story as I was doing it.  Final Thoughts: I think you have an interesting beginning here, and I liked that you have posted it as a serial with more episodes to come. This first one was a good introduction to the characters, and as the ghost was only introduced at the end, I’m sure readers will be interested in reading more about him. ** Image ID #2153781 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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