%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4750642 |
 | Know When to Fold 'em  [18+] Can't lose if you don't play  |
| (3.5)| Hi Rodryn , I am reviewing your short story, "Know When to Fold 'em" , as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering, and good luck!This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.What I liked: The ending was great. It was funny and I loved how Taggart got away with the money.  You have some great character descriptions, and you paint a wonderfully vivid picture if this group of people. For example, here you say that Taggart, "began combing the thick caterpillar mustache perched above thin lips." I love that. Instantly, we get a taster of what Taggart is like. This description of the saloon bar where George and Taggart have their meting is a good one: "He pushed through the throngs of patrons, piano hammering out a rapid tune over the clamor of passionate conversation and clinking glasses, and stepped outside." And then. the door to the old Fleming Cattle & Co building, with the peephole and password to be able to get in really made me smile. When Taggart had to give up his pistol, and was frisked, I was nervous for him. The poker game held my attention really well. Although I didn't know the first thing about the terms the men were using, it was easy to follow. I liked how intense and taut the situation was. Will was a livewire, and I worried about whether Taggart would get out okay. But, no need to worry. George stepped in to save the day (as was always planned). Suggestions: When George entered the room, you say, "Ned leapt up," and it confused me a little because I didn't know who Ned was. I would mention his name earlier on in the story to avoid confusion. I also have a few grammar/typo suggestions which I have put in a dropnote, so you can read them as you wish. Or not. Grammar/Typo Suggestions ▼ Parting comments: This is an enjoyable story. I thought it clever how Taggart and George worked together to get away with the cash. Nice work. Choconut
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