Hi ruwth

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


Positives

As always, you do a great job of setting the scene in the reader's mind. Your use of description is detailed enough to give the reader a clear picture of the scene, without weighing it down with unnecessary description that slows down the read or detracts from the actual story you're trying to tell.


Suggestions

In the second paragraph, "wheelchair" is two words, and the word "slamming" is repeated twice in a row which seems to be a typo.

I'd also recommend varying the structure of this piece a bit to create some more variety for the reader, as there were a lot of similarly structured elements (e.g., starting paragraphs with "Susie" and repeating "loud angry noises" several times. While repetition can be really effective for making a point, it can also cause the reader to lose interest if it's overdone, and in this case I think some diversifying of the language will help maintain reader interest.


Overall

Overall, this was a short, easy to read item that definitely clearly communicated your intentions to the reader. Nice job!


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Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .