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 Review #4758578 |
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| (5.0)| Review of The Morning Light Meets Me for The Red Wheelbarrow Spring Chickens poetry contest.  Thank You for your entry! Hello Channie, It's great to have your entry in the Red Wheelbarrow contest! Thanks for participating and sorry for the late feedback, explained further later. Your poem beautifully captures the essence of spring through the simple yet evocative imagery your words provide. The progression from the morning light to the children's outdoor play painted a vivid picture of the season’s renewal and joy for me as reader. The use of sensory details, like “I open my windows, invite in the fresh air...and the dawn chorus,” effectively brings a reader into this experience. The poem’s structure, with its short lines and clear images, mirrors the lightness and energy of spring your poem is providing. Showing vs. Telling: This poem effectively shows rather than tells. It uses imagery and sensory details to create the feeling of spring. Lines like "The morning light meets me more swiftly each passing day" and "children's laughter, chanting skipping-rope rhymes" show the reader the arrival of spring effectively. Examples: - Showing: "The morning light meets me more swiftly each passing day," "children's laughter, chanting skipping-rope rhymes." - Telling: This poem avoids direct telling, using imagery to create a vivid picture. Suggestions for Improvement: With a poem that is strong in showing, adding more diverse sensory experiences could deepen our connection to it even further, perhaps, describing the scent of flowers or the texture of new grass and/or the children’s laughter and the affect on voice, the narrator mood. Another trick to employ is varying line lengths to allow a rythym and more nature flow. Listen to the words aloud and see if the pauses speak to you, identify where a line could break without interrupting a thought. This usually leads to sentence restructures for me and serendipity that could find better language to toss in that mix. Your poem is definitely up there in my book for how well you handled this month's prompt. This poem captures the lightness and joy of spring that is a joy to discover. Thanks once again for helping make this contest such a great experience for me these past few months, as I'm sure it was with the many others who shared, as well. Sincerely, Brian RWB Judge WDC Angel Army Reviewer  this one slipped beneath the table, wedged under the radiator before I began sweeping the dust bunnies to discover my oversight. apologies. more stuff seems to get past me these days...and with review tool.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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