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Review #4775329
Viewing a review of:
 The Curse of Darkness Open in new Window. [E]
My first attempt at poetry
by ElaraFox101 Author Icon
Review by Jayne Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, ElaraFox101 !

This is a "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. judge's review!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
You've shown a great deal of creativity and potential with this emotional exploration of darkness and psychological struggles.

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
There's a disjointed rhythm to the poem, and the concept would work with this kind of writing, but the first half feels more structured, and the shift disrupts the flow a bit. That said, you maintain your consistent rhyme scheme well, and the varied line lengths enhance the narrator's disjointed tone.

Although you've used good imagery to deal with darkness and light, the shifts in POV are confusing to the reader and make the piece feel inconsistent. The moves from addressing the sun to addressing more abstract concepts leave the reader wondering who you are talking to, especially after the direct references are dropped after the third stanza. Despite this, the poem does effectively convey the intended emotion and inner conflict.

*Checkb*Content:
The bounce from outer light/darkness to inner light/darkness is a powerful idea. The shift is a little abrupt, but you do pose intriguing philosophical questions like "Is darkness only visible in the sky?" The final two lines about "tartness" are very disconnected from an otherwise contemplative poem and feel like they're forced. Some reworking of your word choices, and perhaps adding another stanza to give the reader the logic needed to jump to this revelation would be helpful.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
an smeary --> and smeary

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
Overal, this a poem with strong creative impact and emotion.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.
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