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A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field. He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken. The man replied, "No."
Amazed the young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?"
The older gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away."
"Oh, how sad," the man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?"
"No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral."
Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. This week we'll talk about how to survive the upcoming Super Bowl. |
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Super Bowl XXVLVMMKCCIIS
First of all, I don't do Roman Numerals. I can't write them (obviously!), I can't read them, I don't know what they mean. The Super Bowl isn't played in Rome, it's played in the US, so why can't we just call it Super Bowl 412 or whatever number one this is? But I digress. 
The reason for my writing, dear reader, is to help you survive the upcoming Super Bowl that will be arriving in our homes for most of the day on Sunday, Feb. 1. And don't think that just because you don't reside in the US that you will be able to escape it -- they broadcast this thing all over the world! So, dear reader, I want to offer you some helpful survival tips because even if you are the most die-hard football fan in the known universe, traditionally, with the exception of last year's game (Super Bowl 411 maybe?) the Super Bowl is usually the most boring, lopsided, awful game of the entire year. One team usually kills the other team, there are never any hail-mary passes or 80-yard kick-off runs -- instead it's usually a snoozefest of the highest caliber. And this year will likely prove to be more of the same with the Steelers and Cardinals.
The only thing that can save this game is the commercials, which leads to my first tip.
Super Bowl Survival Tip#1: Turn on the game, then go do other things (read a book, fold laundry, make some hot wings) but stay near the television. Then, as soon as they go to a commercial break, plop your happy butt on the sofa and watch the commercials -- they are the BEST commercials you'll see all year. Advertisors pay top dollar to have their commercials aired during the Super Bowl, so they go out of their way to make them the best, the brightest, and funniest. For instance, several years ago they had a commercial with all of these chissled old cowboys and their horses, covered with scratches and bandaids. Turns out they were "cat herders" -- and cats are not easy to herd. To this day I have no idea what that commcerical was advertising for, but I remember loving the commercial. You can check it out here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SmgLtg1Izw&feature=related
Super Bowl Survival Tip#2: Host or attend a Super Bowl Party. At a Super Bowl Party you can get away with eating anything, especially all of the stuff that's really bad for you -- it's an official rule that when watching football one MUST over-indulge in chips, dip, salsa, pork rinds, pizza, beer, spicy hot wings, etc. And the more people at the party, the more of that really-great-but-bad-for-you stuff is likely to be available. Plus, you have people to talk to while the game is on and you are waiting for the commercials. Last year four of us played Euchre during the game, and only paused play when the commercials came on. So find some friends who either love or hate football, it doesn't matter -- and get yourself invited over, or invite them to your house. Because there's nothing like queso dip with lime-flavored Tostitos or a six-foot long sub sandwich to get you through the most boring football game of the year.
Super Bowl Survival Tip#3: Don't miss the Entertainment. This year Jennifer Hudson will sing the National Anthem, and Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band will be performing, so it's not likely there will be any wardrobe misfunctions like the one that happened to Janet Jacket and Justin Timberlake. (Speaking of Justin Timberlake, nothing can top several years ago when he performed with Britney Spears and Aerosmith -- seeing them all perform "Walk This Way" was entertaining but bizzare, to say the least!) But there still could be some fun! Maybe Jennifer will flub the words, or hit a painfully bad note -- okay, probably not, since it's Jennifer Hudson. But maybe Bruce will trip coming onto the stage, or Little Steven will forget his bandana, or Clarence Clemons will drop his saxaphone (they are getting to be old men, after all)! And if none of that happens, just turn the Entertainment portion of the Super Bowl into a betting game -- you can bet on anything from which songs you think Bruce will sing, in which order, and how long Jennifer will hold the last note of the National Anthem.
Super Bowl Survival Tip#4: Speaking of betting -- we bet on any and everything during the Super Bowl, not just the Entertainment. They are just friendly little quarter bets among friends -- it's not like we bring the deed to our house with us to the party or anything. Just a roll of quarters will usually do. We bet on who will win the toss, who will score first, who will get the first personal foul, which coach will throw the red flag first, kind of boring stuff. But you can spice that up easily by betting on other things -- like which of your friends will be the first to spill their drink or go to the bathroom (you just can't let them know you are betting on them)!
Whatever you do, I hope you have fun this Sunday, which I can guarantee if you just make sure of one thing -- whatever you do, no matter what, DO NOT ACTUALLY WATCH THE GAME!
Sophurky
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Below you'll find some offerings from other WDC members about the Super Bowl and/or football. Please let the folks know if you read their piece by leaving a thoughtful comment or review.
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In honor of The Boss:
And finally .... commercials
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Now for a few comments about my last newsletter on holiday letters:
From April Sunday 
About once a decade these days, drawing a wintery cartoon on the handmade card is still a real trip. In Dec 2007, 7 cousins received these gems. Each card had a wc link to my tedious writes. Witty or not, they still invite me to the family reunion. Gotta  Xmas! "Invalid Item"
Glad you still get invited!
  
From andromeda
Huh. Well, I'm new to the letter writing game, so I wouldn't bother with the boring stuff any way. I'm just glad my life is anything but!
Me too!
From NOVAcatmando 
The list of Picks was excellent, but I was disappointed to see a funny recent Read was not listed. So here's a very topical submission:
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Since I missed this little gem last time, here it is for everyone to check out -- thanks for calling it to our attention!
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky
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Comedy: January 28, 2009 Issue [#2852]
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