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Why do people go off on a journey to find their parents? Have you ever found the urge to discover the past? This month's Spiritual Newsletter attempts to answer these questions, as well as why it can be important to one's Spiritual wellbeing.
kittiara |
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I’m at a place in my life where I have a bit of a dilemma. Perhaps a Spiritual Newsletter isn’t the correct place to discuss this dilemma, but when I thought about it I figured that there probably are many other people who have been at this point, or have thought about this issue before, so perhaps my ponderings might be of some help.
I’ve never known my father. He and my mother broke up before I was born. It’s a long story, which I will not bother you with, apart from saying that I didn’t find out about it until I was about 14 years of age. I’d always thought that my stepfather was, in fact, my real dad. My mother and stepfather parted when I was 14, and that that time my mother let me know the truth of the matter. At least, it was the partial truth… she mentioned that my real father had passed away before I was born. A few years later he knocked on the door. I never got to see him, though… my mom spoke with him whilst I stood in another room, frozen on the spot, listening… That was the last I heard of him.
Ever since that moment I’ve been curious about him. My family has never been forthcoming with information. Though frustrating, I can understand. They’re trying to protect me, and perhaps they’re uncomfortable talking about the past. On my part, though, it feels like there’s something missing. Not a father figure, but a part of my identity.
This may not be a rational feeling. It’s not something I can explain. It simply feels like I lack knowledge about a piece of myself, however big or small this may be, and that I want to know more and fit the pieces of the puzzle together. Do I look like him? My mother says I don’t. I’m different from most people in my family – different interests, a different personality, different views, far more philosophical. Did I get some of these traits from my father’s side of the family? And what about health issues? I’ve had some issues in the past that don’t appear to run in my mother’s side of the family at all.
I also know I have a sister somewhere. She was born in the same year, and from what I could gather not that long after I was born! I wonder what she is like, but I don’t even know a name.
Once I left home, I started to look for him. At first, it was once every few years. I didn’t know where to start because I hardly had anything to go with. The last few years, with Google being able to bring up any kind of info (or so it seems), I have tried every once in a while, doing searches with what little I knew. I’ve tried websites used for genealogical research. I have not been successful.
That is, until about a week ago. I still haven’t found him, nor my sister, but I came upon an organisation who might be able to help me. It’s a respectable, government backed organisation. There’s a good chance they’ll be able to fit the puzzle pieces together for me.
Of course, now I have to make a choice. Will I go for it? Am I better off not knowing after all? Will he have passed away or now or still be alive? Will, after 35 years, he even want to know anything about me? The last time he came looking for me was 18 years ago.
I’m not looking for any kind of bond or father-daughter relationship. Some basic knowledge would be nice, however. Maybe a picture. Maybe some information about my sister. I don’t have unrealistic expectations, at least, not in my opinion.
Still, I wonder if I am being selfish. It’s important for me to feel complete. Whilst this Newsletter may seem far removed from its usual topic, for me it is a spiritual matter in a way. Not knowing, in part, where I came from has held me back at certain points in my life and has stopped me from knowing where to go. It’s changed my perception of myself. Spiritual advancement, to me, has a lot to do with self-analysis and self-improvement, but you can’t work on that which you don’t know about.
Also, at times I have been angry and upset because of my family being uncooperative and for keeping me in the dark. Such sentiments, rare as they might have been, are not helpful. Let alone the lack of knowledge as to why my biological father did what he did. It’s easier to move on when you know what’s what.
To any readers out there who’re searching – good luck. It’s not an easy journey, but I hope it will be a successful one.
To any readers who have completed their journey and found what they’re looking for, I’d be interested in hearing your stories.
To any readers who might have children in my situation – I cannot judge your circumstances but I hope my case highlights that children don’t search out of a lack of love for you. It’s merely a wish to understand, and to discover where they came from. If at all possible, please help your child.
To any readers who have been found by a questing child – I hope you were able to help them, too. We’re not always looking for anything you can’t give…
~~~
kittiara
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team welcomes any and all questions, suggestions, thoughts and feedback, so please don't hesitate to write in! 
Dr M C Gupta  - When Spiritual newsletters speak as if the world of religion and spirituality is nothing more than the three Book religions, they speak only of part truth, part experience, part knowledge. About a fourth of the world population is outside the Old Testament group and floats over a deep and vast sea of spirituality of a very different kind. Ignoring it means one's own loss.This deficiency needs to be addressed--for the benefit of those who are missing it.
If you wish, I can provide inputs in this direction.---M C Gupta
My apologies if my Newsletters tend to be more focussed on certain faiths. I try to be as inclusive as possible in my editorials, but I also tend to write from what I know. That's the reason why I try to learn more about other faiths and paths, because I love to learn and I think other readers will as well .
So yes, any input you could provide would be very welcome indeed, thank you!
~~~
Zeke  - I would ask an atheist only one question. Look at the night sky and tell me where it all came from? If he/she says from the big bang, then tell me where that came from?
Zeke
It's an interesting question, isn't it? It's one that science has been trying to explain for quite a while. They haven't found an answer yet, as far as I know... and perhaps they never will. To me, the answer is clear, of course. Others will probably keep on searching.
~~~
Lauriemariepea  - hi, kittiara--
thank you for the thoughtful newsletter! i am an atheist, and one who begrudges no one their beliefs. i think faith isn't limited to the spiritual--i have faith in humanity, in our ability to reach our potential, to become enlightened as a species. it's a far reach, but i see signs of hope almost every day. your newsletter was one. 
i appreciate your respectful mention of atheism and atheists--most of us aren't foaming at the mouth, just as most spiritual believers aren't. i suspect the vast majority of folks everywhere fall closer to center, and have more in common than they have different. peace out. 
Thanks so much for your kind feedback! I am glad you enjoyed my editorial . I also believe that most people fall somewhere around the centre. Most of the people around me are either athiests or agnostics - in fact, I am the odd one out! It doesn't bother me at all, nor does it bother them that I believe in God. I don't try to convince them of my views and they don't try to convince me of theirs.
I do think it's fascinating, all the differences in what people believe in. All over the world, people hold such a variety of views. Some are so certain that their beliefs are the only correct ones, others are still searching for the correct belief system for them. Some think all belief systems are silly, and some think belief systems are fine of others, but it just isn't for them. For one species, we're sure all different! I think that's a good thing.
And I think your faith in humanity sounds quite beautiful. I'd love to feel the same way, because there are days when I despair in our species! 
~~~
werden - Good newsletter. I have also struggled with aspects of my faith. I have also seen the atheist and agnostic side of things. However, whenever I discuss matters of faith with atheists, especially those who think I am delusional... I have one question to ask them.
They demand that I give evidence of God. I ask them to give me evidence that their minds understand the entirety of the universe. My reasoning is if you think everyone who believes something that you don't is delusional then that must mean you know something the rest of us do not or have some insight the rest of us do not.
None of them has ever been able to answer my question.
Thanks so much for your feedback! That is a really good question! And you're correct, nobody will be able to answer that so people shouldn't call other people delusional - it's not nice and it's not clever.
Some people just feel more comfortable with a scientific explanation for everything, I guess, but of course there's so much out there that we don't know the answer to, and so much of the universe is still unexplored that there are probably millions of things that we don't even yet know exist, let alone can attempt to explain.
I'm all for science, of course. I'm all for learning to understand the world around us. I'm also satisfied that I'll never be able to know everything and, personally, I am happy to accept that there are some things I'll just have to take on faith .
~~~
Vatel de LeMaitre - Something I have been wondering with this newsletter is whether or not you think there is an objectivity to religions- a standard that sets one apart as heavenly and another as sadistic. Many faiths hold such ideas as well as the Golden Rule: so is there or is there not an objectively true religion?
Hi! That's a question I have been wondering about as well. Some faiths do feel like theirs is the one and only true faith, and that only people who follow their path will move on to Heaven/ Paradise/ the afterlife. With all the different faiths/religions out there, and the variety of Gods and Goddesses people place their faith in, and quite a few of them so certain that all the other ones are wrong, I guess that it is fair to say that faith is more subjective than objective.
I feel that it's pretty much impossible to say which faith is right and which is wrong. Considering a lot of it is based on, well, faith, it's difficult to analyse...
~~~
Wishing you a week filled with inspiration,
The Spiritual Newsletter Team:
Sophurky  , northernwrites, kittiara
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Spiritual: August 19, 2009 Issue [#3227]
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