  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Sometimes, we just need to find the humor in our disabilities. Webwitch has dyslexia and audio processing problems. The things I see and hear are not necessarily what is shown or spoken. “Well then, how do you manage to do all those reviews, WW?” I simply have learned to self-correct over the years. Unfortunately, there are times when I totally misunderstand something I hear and that’s where the fun begins ...
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Hello, folks! I am Web~Witch, and I am your guest editor for this week’s Comedy Newsletter. 
The wonderful Weblock in my life is profoundly deaf. As I have already mentioned, I do not process words in the same way most people do. My brain tries to fill in the missing blanks and usually does a great job. However, when you plant two conversing, “hearing disabled” people in the same room, an interesting dialogue can be heard.
“Webbie, if we don’t hurry, we’ll miss the tee-off time that I reserved.”
WW hears, “Webbie, you’re a mess. I’m teed-off, but you’re well preserved.”
“WW, where’s the clicker?” “Ummmm, hello, did you just call me a hooker?”
“No, Sweetie, I asked if you had the clicker to change the channel!”
“What?! You think I’m hooker, and I should change to flannel?!” 
Subsequently, he starts hearing odd words coming from my mouth.
“I put your dessert in the fridge, dear.”
“You put the suet in the fridge? Won’t the birds get irritated by it being so chilled?!!!
I tell him, “I’m listening to a computer geek on the radio.”
He responds, “I’m a blue eel in a halo? What does that mean?!”
It really got us laughing, which is the whole point about comedy. It happens easily in life, if you just stop, look and listen. 
My son and I went shopping for a holiday. The holiday was the following day and I needed last minute things for the meal I planned for company. I approached the walkway toward the door and this woman jumps out from behind the mums she was watering. She tells me, “The store is closed.” I said, “It is?!” She replies, “That’s right! Here’s a tip, it’ll be a terrible fall.”
Hmmmmm, I said, “I don’t know why you would think that; it seems quite mild to me". I told her to have a nice day, and just when I was about to turn away from the store because it was closed, I saw a man walk past me and enter the store. I said to my son, "I have no idea why that lady told me the store is closed; that guy just went inside."
Well folks, my son started laughing. It was infectious, I might add. As we entered the store, his laughter got me laughing, but I didn’t know why. Finally I composed myself long enough to ask him what was so funny.
“Mom, you didn’t understand a word that woman said, did you?”
“Web~Son-Warlock, of course I understood her. She told me the store was closed. I think she was being rude and disrespectful to a customer.”
“Mom, She said, ‘Be careful of the hose. You could trip. It would be terrible if you fall.’”
“Umm, Ohhhh!”  How does she know that I’m a klutz!
Watching television can be challenging, also. “Did I just hear that guy tell him he farted with inspiration?”
“No, Mom, he said ‘fought with inspiration.’”
So you see, folks, sometimes things aren’t always what they seem. You know something? That’s when things get interesting and funny. 
My next regularly scheduled Comedy Newsletter will mark my one year anniversary as an editor. I want to celebrate the year gone by and the beginning of my second year as a Comedy Newsletter editor. It’s also
WDC ‘s anniversary--nine years!!! YAY, WDC!   
Sooooooooooooo, this is what I’m going to do...
The first five submissions of a short-short comedy item, (300 words or less ) will receive a Merit Badge. Now, that means there are rules to follow. It must be a funny anniversary item. I don’t care if it is the first anniversary of your new sneakers! It just has to specify some marker of some event, no matter how trite it may seem. You must write a new item for this contest, post it in bitem format at the space provided below this Newsletter, for submitting an item. Say, WW, or Webwitch, here is my submission, somewhere in the comment section when you submit it. That way I will know it is for this particular edition.
What is great about this contest is, you just need to be one of the first five, valid entries. So, for all of you folks who think you don’t have a funny bone in your body for comedy, here’s your chance to get a Merit Badge that says you do! I will list the five winners in the Newsletter due out on 9/16. Sooooooooooo, you’ve got a couple weeks to come up with something.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
Ta,
Web~Witch
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Thomas 
Actually you've done him one better because as the old saying goes, laughter is the best medicine. 
Actually, you are soooooo right. I do keep the Doc in stitches!!!
faithjourney
I couldn't be a nurse either. It has something to do with my belief that the parts are on the inside because you're not SUPPOSED to mess with them. And so, I became an administrator. Pushing paper may not save lives, but there's no blood or guts involved.
Hey, that's what skin is for--it keeps our insides IN!  Thanks for the feedback!!!
Shannon
WebWitch, as a nurse myself, I can say we'd be happy and PROUD to have you should you ever decide to change your mind.
Aw, shucks-- , you make me feel so competent, Shannon. Thank you for the welcome to one of the most wonderful professions. It is filled with the most self-less people there are! I appreciate the honorary invitation. However, be afraid--be very afraid, that I would change my mind about it.
Phyllis 
I must be of same generation, as those two options were the ones I was raised with also-as well as being a "secretary or bookkeeper"-though these were not instilled by my parents, but by society at the time. I chose teaching because science and math were my least favorite subjects, and I enjoyed children. Fortunately, I loved my profession, and later loved raising my own children - and like you, probably saved a lot of lives by not being a nurse! (I read all of the Sue Barton books, though!)
We do understand from whence we came! Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it, and you did a wonderful job with Sophurky  !
Colin Back on the Ghost Roads
Love your response to the doctor. The best part about it is, while it a humorous way to frame it, it's a very true statement. Everything we do impacts the lives of others. Who knows how many lives you've enriched and even saved by just being the person you are. The real difference between you and the doctor is, you didn't keep score. Sounds like that doctor has some issues.
Keep writing, and thanks for brightening my day.
Colin
I am thrilled I brought a smile to your day! The Doc is really a very giving person. He would do anything to help another. I cannot find fault in that. Hey, welcome back. WDC has missed your spirit! 
DRSmith 
Okay... you say you hate math but opted for a law degree, right? Looks to me like you've solved everything. Because had you been a math teacher, et al.. you'd have to answer the question: "how much is two plus two" with a four. But now as a lawyer, you get to say to clients: "what do you want it to be?" See... you're off the hook.
Thank you! I have been looking for a way to get off the math hook! You're right!  I should throw a lawyer joke in, right now ! Okay, you asked for it ...
Mob v Mob Lawyer
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has
cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper
is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he
might have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10
million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the
trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers! 
NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth
cute NL. I once saw this t-shirt that said, "I'm the writer...YOU do the math." thanks for the giggle.
Yep, that's sooo oooo right, Robin! I have to admit--I really enjoy my WDC t-shirt!!! Yay ...I'm hooked, I'm hooked--math is for--well, those people who do numbers!-
Comment via email:
Spiritscribe
Hey Webwitch,
Job well done. I like this edition of your newsletter. Good set up.
Yours truly,
Spiritscribe
Thank you very much for your feedback. I really appreciate it!!!
Thank you for your feedback folks!!!
See you next time!
WW
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Comedy: September 02, 2009 Issue [#3245]
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