  Spiritual
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| Do we worry more about others' opinions than we need to? Why? |
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Hallo, Readers!
The topic for this Newsletter was triggered by an email I received from a colleague (let's call her Laura, for the purposes of this newsletter). She does a lot of voluntary work and has received prestigious awards for her contribution to society. She has a friend who is an interior decorator.
Here are excerpts from her email:
I volunteer building homes and said, I'm just doing a lot of work on houses, and she said, imagine, that's what I do for a living. I said, you build houses or decorate them? She said, well both.
I said, the volunteer process is that we build homes by hand, for people who are homeless, not for decorative purposes. We put up the framing and walls ourselves. Then she stopped writing. She decorates fancy people's homes and I work on giving people a place to live. I get high blood pressure even talking to her, so annoying. I feel like she's trying to make her work sound like social work and it's really not.
Reading it, my first thought was - why does she even care what her friend thinks or does not think? Laura knows of the voluntary work she does, the recognition she has received and the pride her family and real friends have in her. Why does she allow her blood pressure to be affected by someone who obviously does not understand, or rather, chooses to misunderstand the difference in their respective contributions? Why can't she just shrug it off?
Thinking more about it, I came up with the following reasons. I have no idea if any of them actually hold true for Laura or not, they're just my conjectures. That's why some of them sound contradictory to each other, too.
1. The friendship is important to her. They've been friends since childhood, and it's important to Laura what someone who means so much to her thinks.
2. Her own work is so important to her, she resents it when someone else compares something seemingly trivial so something she considers more vital.
3. Deep inside, she's actually questioning her own work, and someone else downplaying it only re-inforces her own doubts about it.
Then I started thinking - why does her friend - who is, by the way, a perfectly intelligent, capable young lady - talk this way? Here's what I think (again, just conjectures):
1. She really doesn't understand the situation, she thinks their work is similar.
2. She admires, or is jealous of, Laura's work, and this is her convoluted way of saying that.
3. She wants to believe she's contributing to society (irrespective of what Laura's doing) and is consoling herself that it's true.
So is it really about anyone else, or finally about oneself? I wonder. Is 'what others think' just a reflection of what we think of ourselves?
'What others think' is an interesting topic for writers to explore, too. Here's an extract from a recently-published book. It's about a wedding, and the bride and the groom seem to be the least important people around, compared to those who are buying lots of stuff to fill trays of gifts!
From Humeirah by Sabah Carrim
On the eve of the wedding ceremony children crowded around Humeirah as she sat on a carpeted floor with flowery patterns of henna drawn on her hands. Small boys gazed at her curiously and young girls imagined the day their turn would come.
That day, trays were to be exchanged between the bride and the bridegroom. Traditionally, each party presented about ten trays to the other. With time, the number kept increasing; a ploy to show that ‘he who had more could give more.’ On Humeirah’s side, twenty trays containing clothes, shoes, watches and other goodies were prepared for Haider. The younger ones were to carry the trays from one house to the other with the bridegroom’s relatives initiating the exchange.
Haider’s family arrived with sixty-seven trays for Humeirah.
These were filled with expensive branded jewellery, shoes, handbags, make-up sets by Bobbie Brown, perfumes by Gucci and salwar kameez
| A type of suit, worn especially by Asian women, with loose trousers and a long shirt |
There was a commotion in Humeirah’s house. Her relatives were, at first, struck with wonder by the number of trays. They quickly lost their composure once the sordid implications of this dawned on them.
Fortunately, Zeba took the lead and within an hour managed to delegate various tasks to a few volunteers who rushed to buy what she ordered. New trays, chocolates, shaving sets, perfumes and watches soon appeared out of nowhere and flooded into the house. Zeba received the family’s praises as, that evening, seventy-one trays were sent over by Humeirah’s relatives to Haider’s house.
Why this need? Why the need to keep up with, or overtake, 'the Joneses'? In the above extract, aside from the momentary satisfaction of having 'outdone' the groom's family, did anyone get any happiness from the time / energy / money that was spent? Where's the 'Aw you picked this for me!' feel that should accompany a romantic gift? Is there anything personal at all about these exchanges, or is it only for families to be able to boast? What if the bride's family had decided not to buy the extra gifts?
I close with the link to a story about someone who didn't care what anyone else thought - someone who managed to be dignified and graceful through all the teasing she got:
http://www.shape.com/blogs/shape-your-life/woman-has-awesome-response-cyberbully...
Thanks for listening!
Sonali |
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Thanks to those who responded to "Spiritual Newsletter (March 13, 2013)"
Hi Sonali.It's amazing how you started it all with a meeting of writers and succeeded into getting the kid's attention and gained full support of parents. What's great is that the kids benefited on what was just a simple plan of doing some writing and sharing of thoughts in a meeting. It seems like you're reaping the fruits of your labor now even if you may have thought it at first as coincidence. I definitely agree that the outcome of a good idea has now become a blessing to others.Who knows those kids who became your followers would become our future writers. Congratulations folks for a job well done. shekeina 
Co-Incidence? A blessing! was so inspiring. It was wonderful to read how the Universe lined up all the pieces for your group. Looking forward to more good stories. WriteWords 
Thanks for your article and glad to see that your writing meeting is progressing. it's a blessing to get children involved and I do believe it was no conincidence they were there at just the right time.
I reviewed the suggestions and let them know you featured them in your newsletter. You are a blessing to the WdC.
Write on! Copenator out! Steve adding writing to ntbk.
Good things happen to Good people. Karma is everywhere...just waiting to happen. Things like this should become more of a reality in many places. People relating to people. That's very much needed in this world of computers. We need to relate! Good Luck. Daddy's Girl bonzo1964 |
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Spiritual: June 05, 2013 Issue [#5704]
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