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The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. ~ Honore de Balzac
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. ~ Mark Twain
That strong mother doesn't tell her cub, Son, stay weak so the wolves can get you. She says, Toughen up, this is reality we are living in. ~ Lauryn Hill
Yes, Mother. I can see you are flawed. You have not hidden it. That is your greatest gift to me. ~ Alice Walker
Mothers are all slightly insane. ~ J. D. Salinger
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~ Ambrose Bierce
(editor's note: I will never forget my mother telling me, "I'm cold. Go put on a sweater!")
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Moms. Love 'em or (in some cases) leave 'em, we've all got or had them. I'm a daughter and a mom. Mother's Day is a two-edged sword for me. I lost my mom back in 2003. Twelve years ago ... and yesterday. The grief has been muted by time and while I still miss her, nowadays, it is more of a "Remember when Mom did/said/saw ..." this or that. Actually, it is when talking with my kids, so usually it is, "Remember when Grammy did/said/saw ..." this or that.
Mom was a great-grandmother. Now I am. I look in the mirror and see a quick flash of Mom. My daughter and I will see a sweatshirt or a sweater at a garage sale, and she'll say, "Grammy would have loved that," as I go to pick it up, loving it. But I wasn't thinking Mom, I was thinking me!
I was born on Mother's Day. Mom never would say if I was the best or worst Mother's Day gift she ever received. (I probably was a close second to the year she got her collie, Shalimar, Only kidding.) As a mom, myself, occasionally, my birthday is on Mother's Day. Or within a day or so. When the kids were little, I'd get one earring for Mother's Day, and one for my birthday. (Or vice-versa!)
Someone was grousing about Mother's Day on Facebook this morning, saying she didn't need a 'special day' to remember her mother who has passed away. No, we don't. As a child, I remember wondering why there was a Mother's Day and not a 'Children's Day.' My dad said it was because 'every day is children's day.' But it is a nice way to celebrate the moms who do so much every single day and to especially remember the ones who are no longer with us. I always thought it was a great way to teach children to appreciate their moms every day but even more on that one day a year, to go out of their way to make one day super special and easy on mom. But that's just me. Someone else was witching that no one in their right mind would want to 'celebrate' their mother because she was not such a great one. That is a shame. On a multitude of levels.
Regardless, whether we have (or had) super moms, okay moms, less than stellar moms, stay at home moms, working moms, single moms or some other variation on the theme, mothers influenced us in a mazillion ways. They taught us so much about far more than we ever realized at the time. As moms, we continue the tradition, only now we realize what we impart to our kids!
I remember calling my mom from Alaska after the birth of my eldest child. My folks seemed forever away. (Alaska and Chicago are pretty distant from each other.) Holding my newborn, I had this mind-click. I was in this phase where I knew it all and the folks just didn't 'get' anything about my life and the decisions I'd made--good, bad or indifferent. During that phone call, my Mom went from being brain dead to being THE most intelligent, wise, loving woman on the planet. While we didn't always agree on things, from that day forth, she never lost that status. Perspectives: marvelous things!
My kids are all off on their own. They range from 31 to almost 40. They are all self sufficient, remarkable human beings. Some are parents, others are not. The parenting styles differ, but they are working.That is the important thing when all is said and done. I wasn't a perfect mom. My mom wasn't and even my kids have their moments. But then, no one is perfect. How boring that would be!
I still have 'mom moments' when I will really, really miss my mom. Like the day I was shopping for something to wear when I married my hubby. I stopped by the perfume counter, sprayed a spritz of 'Youth Dew' perfume, and BAM! Mom was suddenly with us! Or the day I decided to find my desk (her antique school master's desk) and both my husband and I will swear we heard a distinct, "It's about time!" Or when the tree is lit or the lilacs bloom or my ear aches like it is right now. On the other side of that coin is the daughter who calls when she feels sick and needs a 'mom hug.'
Moms are tigers defending our young, (needed or not!) and puddles of goo when surprised. We are proud to the point of bursting when our kid graduates, runs their race, wins their prize. We are equally there when they trail in last, flubb the test or watch someone else walk off with the shiny prize. It is what we do: Be there. Sure, there are moms, for whatever reasons, that aren't there. And yet, those kids seem to (hopefully) find pseudo-moms who come in, take over the job, pick up the slack and are there for their pseudo-kids! Maybe not on a daily basis, but when the chips are down, they come to the rescue offering hugs, love, cookies, a pat on the back or a kick in the butt.
All of the goo-ey emotional stuff aside, all of the good, the bad and the messy, as writers, we have built-in sources for the wide variety of mom characters we write. Pretty much everyone knows (or maybe is or had) that mom who is the one where all the kids go after school or can pour their heart out to when they didn't get asked to the prom. Or the hard-working mom who works three jobs to keep that roof in place. Or the one who stays at the house all day, cleaning up mess after mess to keep that set of walls a comfy home. Moms kick a** better than anyone, have eyes in the backs of our heads that can even see around corners, have arms that magically stretch to three times their length when necessary and melt when given a dandelion from a very grubby-pawed little one. We keep a plethora of items deep in purses and pockets for emergencies. Who else can come up with tissues, safety pins, spare change, lost toys and an extra what-ever at the drop of a hat? Who but a mother knows how to expertly deliver the 'mom-glare' and when it is the perfect time to use it? Who else has a heart the size of the Pacific Ocean? Who else has arms that can manage to hug six kids at once? Who else can be hurt so deeply? Who else can have the worst case of flue on the planet and still manage to take care of every one else, do the laundry and create the last minute super-hero costume?
We are our own breed. Stick ten moms from across the world together in a room with 'insta-translators' and within seconds, they will find common ground because they are mothers. Doesn't matter if they are rich or poor, from high society or the house down the block, if they live in a high-rise, on a farm, in a neighborhood or in a rain forest, they will have snuggled away bad dreams, worried over 103 degree temps, spazzed over first day of school apron-string tuggings, and frazzeled over uncleaned rooms, lost school books, odd socks or missing gerbils. They will have handled the hundred repetitions of 'why?', the inopportune timing of trips to the bathroom, the mutinous glares, the ouchie-owies and the sibling battles. Too, they will have been handed flowering weeds as if diamonds, melted over sleeping faces, spent nights in blanket tents and shared picnic lunches in fields or on living room floors. They know the power of a kiss or a hug, how to handle the "It followed me home, can I keep it?" questions as well as the varied reactions to, "Oops!" They all know there is nothing like the trust of a child falling asleep in your lap. We are moms. We get it. Children carried in tummies, children carried in hearts...daughters and sons, we would not be here without our moms. So if you are fortunate enough to still have your mom, call her! Go see her. Give her a hug. There will come a day when you wish with all of your being that you still could!
Oh and all you Dads out there? Don't worry, your turn is next month!
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Elfin Dragon-finally published  says: You're siting specific research for novels reminds me of the research screenplay writers need to do for movies, especially military films. They are notoriously wrong in many aspects (take it from a military person) that when they get it right I practically jump for joy.  I did this in John Travolta's film "Broken Arrow". A simple thing such as them wearing the correct stripes on the uniform set me dancing. I know, sounds strange. But the military had just changed the way the stripes for the Air Force looked the year before, so having it right in the film was tantamount to a miracle. Yes, it's the little things in research which make us happy and when it's in a novel makes us even happier.
Yup yup :)
Elfin Dragon-finally published also said from a different newsie: From your newsletter "Learning Curve"... I love that you included Douglas Adams in your newsletter. My father began my reading with such authors as Douglas Adams, Piers Anthony and Robert Asprin. All authors with a good sense of humor clearly displayed in their writing. I'm glad my dad showed me the humorous side of fantasy before the more serious side. It allowed me to see that no matter how bad things may get there can still be something to laugh about.
Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  comments: Great Newsletter, Fyn! Research is vital for fiction. You brought up excellent points. One that is easily checked-out by a reader is when an author quotes specific days of a year in a story -- they'd better match actual days of the week to that specific year, or it could end up making a writer  when readers start challenging their "facts." Thanks so much for the highlight of my story!
Turkey DrumStik  writes: I've been going overboard with research for the last decade. While working on a (still unfinished) novel, I lamented to my mom about not knowing the bell schedule for a high school in a town at least 50 miles away. I was using that high school as a model for a high school in my book. My mom said I could make it up, and I cringed at the suggestion. I still haven't figured that bell schedule, though, as I now live 1000+ miles from that school. 
Send them an email and ask!
Pumpkin Harvest comments: Everything you say about research applies to TV writing, too. I have a show I love, but there were different writers for each dramatic show. They didn't keep track of their dates or facts from episode to episode. So early on, the heroes were going to Cuba to fight with Teddy's Rough Riders. A year later, they were squarely in 1885 with Civil War reminders from "20 years ago". They could have used a spreadsheet.
The same is true for special effects people. They'll show someone in a crime show bleeding inappropriately after a wound. Those of us with experience with that kind of wound or who work in ER know it's wrong as soon as we see it. They need research!
Charlie ~ adds: I loved this, Fyn! I couldn't agree with you more. It really bothers me when I'm reading a book and the writer says something that is factually incorrect. I just want to shake the author and tell them to pay more attention.  I love Jeopardy too and fast facts in general. You should try to go on the show. I bet you'd be awesome at it!
I'd be terrible! I'd keep forgetting to 'phrase it as a question.' At home, I just shout out the answers! LOL
Quick-Quill  adds: I love your NL! research is so necessary. I insert things I've read in books, seen on TV and personally researched on my own. In fact, I enjoy the researching more than the writing. I did my genealogy in the mid 90's before Ancestry.com became popular. Visiting Historical museums is fun. I love watching Mysteries at the Museum. Some of what I've watched has become notes for future. Like the woman who killed a man with a gift wrapped box and she had no idea what was in the box. My mind was spinning on that one. So many ideas and so little time.....
Callie hears Angels these days  writes: Thank you for this thoughtful article. Honestly, I think a large part of the joy I have in writing is the research involved to make a story strong and real.
Me too, me too!
jerics says: This is in regards to Research is your friend. Yes it is true what you had mentioned about getting side tracked.
On my laptop and cell phone I have so many book marks for sites I came across and saved for later. About the strawberry thing did you also see that the strawberry and all berries are considered vegetable because they grow from the ground and not a tree.
I enjoyed reading this now I know I am not alone.
Not sure if this goes along with what you said, but according to the website linked at the bottom:
Strawberries are not really berries, but watermelon, pumpkins, bananas, and avocados are. While we've tended to define berries as any small edible fruit, the official definition of a berry is "a fleshy fruit produced from a single ovary." By this definition, oranges, kumquats, blueberries, and even tomatoes can be considered part of the berry family. Strawberries, on the other hand, are known as "accessory fruits," In these fruits, the surrounding flesh around the seed isn't derived from the fruit's ovaries but from the receptacle in which the ovaries are found. When fully developed, these aggregates have merged together into one single fruit. Read more at http://www.foodbeast.com/2013/09/20/strawberries-are-not-berries-avocados-and-wa...
J. A. Buxton writes:Thank you for the link to the third section of my West Brookfield history. This originally was researched as my high school senior class essay. After joining WdC, I copied the long non-fiction piece into my portfolio with all its long sentences. I often wonder if high schools still have their students compose essays like mine did back in 1959. Remember, this was before Google, and all research was done at our town's library.
Zeke adds: You are so right when you point out that a good writer must also be a reader.
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For Authors: May 06, 2015 Issue [#6971]
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