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Comedy: December 16, 2015 Issue [#7370]

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Comedy


 This week: The War on Christmas
  Edited by: Robert Waltz Author IconMail Icon
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  Open in new Window.

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

I am a veteran of the War on Christmas. I am just emerging from a battlefield strewn with dead trees and torn shreds of brightly colored wrapping paper.
         -Henry Rollins

I mean, the "War on Christmas" certainly isn't some completely invented concept that allows our country's most privileged people to feel needlessly persecuted, right? Right?!
         -Jon Stewart

Happy Holidays!
         -pretty much everyone who cares about inclusiveness


Word from our sponsor



Letter from the editor

Merry Christmas, everyone!

...well, okay, not everyone. Last I heard,  Open in new Window., about 70% of Americans identify as Christian. Christmas, of course, doesn't share letters with Christian by coincidence; the one is clearly made for the other.

Seventy percent is a bit over 2/3, and I think it's safe to say that a lot of people who don't identify as Christian also celebrate Christmas in one way or another - because of family, social pressure, or whatever. And even those who don't celebrate the holiday at least have the day off from work or school, and have to deal with stores being closed and all the holiday decorations and music.

So if someone wants me to have a "Merry Christmas," I'll take the sentiment in the positive spirit in which it was intended: Christmas is a day, December 25th here in the US, and if someone wants to wish me a good day, hey, I'll just wish it right back and feel good that someone cares about me enough to hope that my day doesn't suck.

In the name of being inclusive, many businesses and people feel that a more faith-neutral expression would be "Happy Holidays." Again, here, someone's wishing you a good day or days, and it would take a massive tool to find fault in that.

So, of course, some people are massive tools.

"Happy Holidays!"

*snarl* "It's 'Merry Christmas,' goddammit!"

"Whoa, okay, I didn't know you were an asshole. Next time, wear a sign: 'I'm a huge asshole,' and I'll know to wish you Merry Christmas."

The thing is, you generally can't look at someone and instantly tell whether they celebrate Christmas. Even if they're dressed in the tackiest clothes imaginable - red and green, with an ugly sweater, reindeer ears, and a bright red fake nose - maybe they're just getting into the spirit of the season, which is independent of the celebration of any messiah's birth. I mean, I suppose maybe if you've got visible fish tattoos, Chi-Rho earrings, and an enormous cross pendant, *maybe* then we can assume you're Christian, but even then, you just never know. Christians come in all skin colors, nations of origin, sexual orientations, sizes, and flavors. But then, so does everyone else.

So that's my War on Christmas: I want to be as inclusive as possible. If I know that someone's Christian, it'll be Merry Christmas. If I know they're Pagan, it'll be Blessed Yule. If I know they're Jewish or Muslim or atheist or whatever, it'll be Happy Holidays (Hanukkah is not, as is often portrayed, a substitute for Christmas; it's a completely different holiday that usually doesn't even overlap with Christmas). And in fact, if I don't know, I'm not going to make assumptions, and it'll still be Happy Holidays.

Because no matter who you are, or what you believe, I really, truly want you to have a good day, or days, filled with joy and peace and happiness and all that hippie crap. A world of happy people is less likely to shoot at each other, and I can't find any fault in that.

But if you're going to give me shit about that, then I hope your day sucks. Because I'm vindictive that way. It's a character fault, I know, but I have no desire to change it. So... don't be a massive tool, and we'll be okay.

Happy Holidays, (almost) everyone!


Editor's Picks

Some funnies for you:

 Pretty attacked Open in new Window. [E]
A tale of action and high drama behind the cash register.
by Kronocide Author Icon


 Thanks for Talkin' to Me Open in new Window. [E]
Some time later I mentioned how ridiculous I had felt because of my silly line.
by Daniels Author Icon


 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor


 How to Write a Country Western Song Open in new Window. [18+]
How would I know?
by Katya the Poet Author Icon


 RatDog's Cure for the Water Shortage Open in new Window. [13+]
Two easy steps for water conservation
by RatDog Author Icon


 Cardboard Apollo Open in new Window. [E]
short story about a keen little boy with a vivd imagination
by Nate Ayres Author Icon


Where Do Babies Come From? Open in new Window. [ASR]
Anyone have a staple remover?
by Pam Author Icon

 
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Word from Writing.Com

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Ask & Answer

Last time, in "CrittersOpen in new Window., I talked about the humor value in nonhuman animals.

Steve adding writing to ntbk. Author Icon: Enjoyed your NL this month and the choices reflected the theme of the NL to a T.
Haven't reached the previous NL, as I go from top to bottom of my email list, but looking forward to it as well.
Keep writing, sharing, and caring about the WdC enough to hang with us in these esteemed halls.
Copenator out!


         Thank you! All feedback is appreciated. Happy holidays!


Mummsy Author Icon: I see what you did there . . .

         Awesome! I'm not sure I do... Oh, and Happy holidays!


And that's it for me for 2015! Guess I'll do this for another year, at least. See you in 2016, and until then...

LAUGH ON!!!



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