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Comedy: April 05, 2017 Issue [#8216]

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Comedy


 This week: Fool Me Once...
  Edited by: Robert Waltz Author IconMail Icon
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  Open in new Window.

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

I guess when I was a kid I wasn't the type of person playing a lot of pranks. I was the type of person upon whom pranks were pulled.
         -Scott Aukerman

I was raised in a family where no one had a serious bone in their body and every answer was a riddle, a joke, or a prank.
         -James Brolin

At a time when the GOP is playing games with the debt limit, a member of the Supreme Court is refusing to recuse himself from matters he has a financial interest in, and middle class incomes are stagnant, many want to change the subject. I don't. This was a prank, and a silly one. I'm focused on my work.
         -Anthony Weiner*

*Note: Not trying to get political here, but if you remember anything at all about Anthony Weiner, it's that he was focused on something, but it wasn't his work.


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Letter from the editor

Ah. Another April Fools' Day come and gone, and this year, I made it all the way through April 1 without being tricked, pranked, joked, folded, spindled, or mutilated.

I considered that a win.

So I went to sleep just after midnight (having forced myself to stay awake lest someone sneak in and pour shaving cream into my bed), secure in the knowledge that I'd succeeded in fooling the fools.

Imagine my shock, horror and disgust when I woke up on the morning of April 2. A fine spring day; the sky was a clear blue, a warm breeze wafted through my open window, the birds were tweeting and Donald Trump wasn't. Okay, that's not the shock, horror, or disgust part. I'm getting to that.

Refreshed from a full night's sleep, I put on my silk bathrobe and proceeded to the bathroom for my monthly shower - and promptly discovered that my bedroom door was stuck shut.

Dammit.

Overnight, someone had glued the door to its frame. Ha ha. Very funny.

I retrieved the crowbar from under my bed, and made short work of the glue, the door, and the frame. Satisfied that the prankster hadn't gotten the best of me, I headed for the bathroom, disrobed, stepped into the shower, and turned it on - and got blasted by the kool-aid some practical joker had slipped into the plumbing.

Not just any kool-aid, either. The cherry kind. The kind that doesn't wash out of anything.

As I was trying to wash the unwashable from my hair and skin, I felt a sudden chill - not only had they messed with the shower, but they'd turned off the hot water so I'd end up scrubbing cherry dye from myself under a frigid shower.

Joke's on them. I simply turned off the hot water, and used someone else's towel to dry off. My hair was a bright red, sure, but who doesn't love a guy with red hair, right?

Still in a foul mood from these pranks, I dressed and moseyed into the kitchen with some trepidation concerning what I might find there. Flour over everything? Sugar in the salt shaker? But all seemed in order. Very neat. Very clean.

TOO clean. No one in my household ever cleans anything.

Watching out for tripwires, I cautiously opened the refrigerator door. No snakes jumped out at me, so I relaxed and grabbed my morning beer. Popping the top, I took a long, deep guzzle - and dashed to the sink to spit out the water with which someone had replaced my beer.

"TOO FAR!" I shouted to the household. "April Fools' Day is over! And you don't mess with my BEER!"

I wasn't sure if I heard a chuckle or not.

"Screw this, I'm going out," I said to no one and everyone. After all, I had to replace my beer.

The walk to my car, parked on the street, could have been fraught with many further dangers. Rakes for an unwary foot. Banana peels. Skateboards. Spiders. I picked my way slowly, carefully, watching for any little thing that might be out of place.

Joke was on me, though; I made it to the car without incident, and it started without exploding, making horrendous noises, or belching purple smoke.

But when I got to the grocery store, I finally realized the lengths to which my unknown prankster would go: the entire beer section was gone, replaced by a display of various kinds of Pepsi.

I hate Pepsi.

But wait, I thought. Why would someone do this to me? That's when I realized I wasn't awake at all, but dreaming. This was confirmed as I realized I'd forgotten to put on my pants. My last thought in the dream was, "Not again..."

I woke in a cold sweat. The world outside my window was gray and dismal, though I still felt relief that I'd actually managed to avoid being pranked. I headed for the bathroom...

...and couldn't open the door.


Editor's Picks

An array of articles arranged for your April amusement:

 Kid Politics Open in new Window. [13+]
First place in Comedy Contest.
by Raven Filling Up Her Port! Author Icon


 Of Trees, Bees, and Spam Open in new Window. [13+]
The Story of Hector Bee Keeper
by Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon


 My Old Chevy Thought It Was Alive Open in new Window. [18+]
If you like autos and relationship don't miss this essay.
by Shamus104 Author Icon


 When I was Young and Foolish Open in new Window. [E]
A poem about my first love.
by percy goodfellow Author Icon


M-mm...Toast-ee Open in new Window. [13+]
You'll never look at your toaster the same way again.
by CuzzinDave Author Icon


 How To Kiss A Girl Open in new Window. [13+]
Comedic essay on the subject. For entertainment purposes, should not be taken seriously.
by sethisawesome Author Icon


 The Council of Elrond Open in new Window. [13+]
A short parody of the council of Elrond scene from the Lord of the Rings.
by CharlieSoRocks Author Icon

 
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Ask & Answer

Last time, in "Birds of Hawai'iOpen in new Window., I told stories of mynah birds and roosters.

Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon: We also have palm trees here in Las Vegas. After every wind storm you see dead palm fronds scattered all over town.

         Those weren't palm fronds. Those were my dreams.


🌕 HuntersMoon Author Icon: "A Flat Mynah." Really? Groan smiley I thought this was comedy, not PUNishment *Rolling* Well done ...

         When you consider that most of the funnies I make are puns, you'll find I show remarkable self-restraint in these editorials.


Quick-Quill Author Icon: I loved the story. Hooked to the end. The morals made me burst out laughing, especially #3

         Glad you didn't chicken out.


Mumsy Author Icon: You never figured out what he was after? That story was such a cock tease.

         You just wanted to see if I'd put this in the newsletter.


That's it for me for this month! Until next time,

DREAM ON!!!



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