dirty little secrets

chapter 1. "Megan"

She was only 18, she was young and fun, she could make anybody laugh and anybody fall for her charm in an instant. They could let their guard down when they were around her. Always smiling, Megan was secretly hiding the heavy feeling of emptiness she carried on her heart. She wanted somebody there for her, somebody that would tell her how beautiful she was,despite the way she looked.she wanted Somebody who would tell her how they cared for her so. Somebody that would hold her when she was happy, sad, or just lonely. She felt that she needed all of these things but she'd never get them, not with how she looked. Megan had a gorgeous face, she knew that. she had dark hair past her sholders,Her small face had big blue eyes perfect lips, teeth and a cute little pixie nose. She also had fair skin, but with her oversized body, she felt ugly. she felt the need to pull all of the attention she needed and wanted to her face and away from the rest of her body. when she took photos for websites it was always of her face and her expressions, never her full body. She was ashamed of the way she looked. Its hard to go day to day hating what you are, but not changing anything about it because you feel to weak to make a difference.

chapter 2. " stephen "

where to start with Stephen. he was short for his age, 19 soon to be 20. only a little taller then 5'6. He wasnt perfect, he agreed to that, a little chubby, but yet, still handsome. dark hair, dark brown eyes, and fair skin as well. Hadnt been with many girls for he wasnt what women wanted "downstairs" he wasnt very big and he couldnt go for very long. laugh if you want, but its true that size does matter and it does do emotional damage if you cant size up with the rest of the guys. He wanted somebody to love, wanted somebody to love him. Somebody that could be more than a lover; a friend too, could be "one of the guys" when needed. He couldnt find somebody like that anywhere it seemed. None of the girls made him feel the way he wanted and he hated that. He couldnt change what was wrong with him, it was the way he was created.

chapter 3 " then there was you "

it was a late june night, megan was alone for her older sister and mother were at work. stephen's father was in bed. they were 300 miles apart, never knew the other existed, until that night.
the screen read " you are now being signed into yahoo chat. please wait " Megan did just that. Moments later she was greeting people and jumping into conversations left and right.

"Somethings_real_somehow : anybody like dashboard confessionals ? "

a band megan had become familiar with and adored. so she responded to the persons request

"emergency_room_Romantic : i do.. they're amazing "

from then on she and the other name on the screen would pass back and forth different bands to see the others reply. after awhile megan got bored with the idea and left the chatroom. Moments later a screen popped up.

" Messengerofra : you left me"

it was the person from the chat, "somethings_real_somehow "

She gave him five minutes, if he didnt keep her attention,she'd leave.

him ~ "you're really beautiful. anymore pics? "
her ~ ":: blushes :: thank you, and yes. you?"
him ~ "nah, sorry, but can i see yours?"
her ~ "erm.. do you have AIM?"
him ~ " yeah..."

he gave her his screen name and she messaged him on AIM. Showing him all of her pics she had, of her face of course... he couldnt help but fall more and more for the face that would pop up in the IM. such amazing eyes, and beautiful lips.

they talked all night. she came to realize his name was Stephen, he was 19 and lived 300 miles away.4 hours. not too bad. he was single, as was she. they both liked the same music, same style of dress. same everything just about. he was like the guy version of her. into the early morning hours she called it a night and said goodbye to him, in promise that she'd talk to him the next night. she fell asleep thinking of what he could look like. she knew nothing would come out of it, but her mind wandered. she fell asleep with a smile.

Stretching out on his couch he thought a little of the girl, Megan, he had learned... she seemed unlike most girls he'd come to know. not stuck up and worried about what somebody thought. he liked that.

chapter 4. " the sound of your voice "


Days went by, and they became closer, better friends. Tragic struck and megan's mother and sister had to leave town. she was alone for a weekend. she decided to have some friends over. they sat around talking and she got online briefly to say hello to stephen.

her ~ "hey.i cant stay on long, i have friends over..."
Him ~ "oh that sucks, can i call you or something? just for a bit?"
her ~ Sure. here's my number

she said yes without thinking, it felt right to her. she gave him the number and moments later the phone was ringing. She smiled.

her ~ "Hello?"
him ~ "Megan?"
her ~ "yes.."
him ~ "hey its stephen .."

they talked for an hour or so about everything. he learned her of this book called "the glossary of perversion" its a book on the dirty terms for sexual things, they made fun of it, and laughed together. The nights became more and more filled with their laughter as they had gone from simple words on a screen to meaningful conversations on the phone. They also had decided to write each other letters. So they started the letters within days of the idea. With the letter megan sent to stephen was a pendant, from her necklace it read " hope ~ the feeling of what is wanted can be had " it meant alot to her, so she wanted to give it to him. they were falling fast, and had yet to tell each other about their bodies... most cases it wouldnt matter, but in today's world, image is everything. if you're not perfect, you're not wanted. they were scared. when he wrote back to her, his letter contained a necklace, his father had given him, it had 2 pendants on it, one of virgin mary and the other of st.michael. he hoped that they would bring her luck. she loved it. she never took it off.

chapter 5. "im not perfect"

one late night phone chat and 3 mint mochas into the conversation, stephen told megan how he doesnt "size up" to the rest of the guys, in height and length. she doesnt care about that, she cares for him. she's fallen for him and feels her heart start to beat for him, and only him. love knows no distance, thats one thing she'd learned. before hanging up that night she had thought about telling him she wasnt perfect, that she was overweight, in hopes he'd still feel the same. She couldnt bring herself to do it. she was afraid of losing what she had found. her heart jumped and her body shook, it wasnt happening tonight.
that night she layed in bed, thinking of the possible outcomes. "he could forget me and think im discusting...or he could care for me just the same..." she thought... and concluded that he'd forget her if he knew.

chapter 6. "well its love.."

a nightly phone chat conversation began, everything was talked about, everything they had covered times before but cared so much to bring it up again. she loved his voice, and he loved her giggle. he made her heart melt and she made his skip a beat. she could make him smile even when everything was horrible. he loved that.
She thought about telling him that night how she felt she loved him. 'its too soon' she thought to herself as he continued talking in her ear. after the phone chat, they got online and continued the conversation. thats when she told him.

her ~ Stephen, i think i might love you...

his heart fluttered and his mouth went dry. he could do nothing but look at the screen. millions of thoughts went through his head. and he smiled.

him ~ really?
her ~ i almost said it when we hung up tonight.
him ~ why didnt you?

never once in the conversation did he let on to loving her as well. the next night at the end of the conversation she said "bye" and he replied with "arent you forgetting something?" she felt the smile in his voice, and replied
"i dunno..what?"
" what did we talk about last night online megan?"
she blushed "oh.."
"say it..." he grinned.
she couldnt. it was hard, she smiled and laughed alot.
"its not hard, just say it megan. its like this. I love you babe, i do, i...i love you"
when she heard those words excape from his lips she knew she was his. she wanted to be there for him, for everything. she loved somebody without ever knowing what he looked like.
" I love you stephen."
"see...was that hard?" he smiled
"goodnight." he said softly.
she replied and hung up the phone. that night she went to bed feeling a bit more happy then usual. and she liked it. she went over his words in her heard, countless times. she loved the feeling of being loved.