The Holy Guava of Aberdeen

Tam the tadpole once had a dream,
about the world up there, that he'd never seen,
he wished that one day he'd see mountains and oceans,
instead of down there just going through the motions,
to live in the same old pond day after day,
he didn't want to stay there just wasting away,

one morning a bright light woke him from his bed,
then he saw his father, whom he thought was dead,
he said "there is one way your dreams can come true,
you could do all the things that you wanted to do,
it can make you a human, and then you could see,
the things that are hidden from you and me.

Tam was so curious, he wanted to know,
what he had to do to change his life so,
his dad said "this will happen once you have seen,
the mystical guava fruit of Aberdeen,
but beware, the fruit uses powers so strongly,
that if you decide to use its powers wrongly,
the magical guava will not grant your wish,
and you'll be deep fried along with the fish."

Tam then embarked on his quest for the guava,
he took his friend Percy the dyslexic panda,
and Pauline the puma, who had a huge wart,
she hoped that the mystical guava could sort.
Percy put tam in a pouch round his waste,
and they made their way across Scotland in haste,

They travelled for days, and tam got so bored,
just there in the small pouch in which he was stored,
so he climbed out the pouch, and suddenly he realised,
he should be in water, and he suffocated and died,
Percy and Pauline thought this was so funny,
and the pissed off to Stirling with all of tam's money,

So don't trust pandas and pumas, they're bastards and they wont think twice about nicking your dosh if your drowned. Tam was a twat anyway, he could have just waited to be a frog, and everything would have been o.k, so don't be impatient, and also don't always listen to your dad.