No More Hiding

"I can't do this anymore." I said walking up to him.
"Do what?" He asked confused.
"This. Hide. I can't hide anymore." I replied.
"What are you talking about? Hide what?" He asked.
"I can't hide my feelings for you anymore." I said lowering my head.
"At the risk of sounding stupid here, what in the hell are you talking about?" He asked looking me straight in the face.
"I have feelings for you. And I don't think that you can admit that everything that happened was purely platonic." I said.
"You mean at Track?" He asked slowly catching on.
I nodded slowly.
"Emily, you're a great person. I think of you as a good friend..." He began but I cut him off.
"A good friend? I don't wanna be friends James." I replied.
"Look I love Stephanie. I'm not going to break up with her." James replied.
"But you'll cheat on her?" I asked staring him straight in the face.
The bell rang. We were late to class but I didn't care. I stood my ground and waited for him to answer.
"How did I cheat on her?" James asked.
"You saw nothing between us but friendship?" I asked softly as it finally sunk in.
"I'm not sure. But what I am sure of is my feelings for Stephanie. I love her." He admitted.
"We'll just see how much she loves you once she finds out you cheated on her." I said angrily.
"You don't have to be a bitch about this." He said.
"A bitch? You don't think I have a right to be? You led me on." I replied.
"Look I don't want to argue about this." He said trying to calm me down.
"I don't want to argue either. But I do want answers." I replied.
"Emily, I don't know what to tell you. I mean yeah I might have been unintentionally flirting. I never meant for anything to happen." He said.
Tears stung the backs of my eyelids. I closed them for a moment to regain my composure.
Suddenly I was filled with so much hatred. I hated him for doing this to me. I hated her for acting like such a bitch. I hated myself for thinking that this time would be different. I hate myself for falling for him, having feelings for him unlike any feelings I've ever felt before.
"Okay." I said slowly choosing each word carefully. "Let me just ask you this. Did you ever have any feelings for me?"
"Besides friendship?" He asked.
"Besides friendship." I replied.
"I'll be totally honest with you. I did like you. I don't know maybe I still do. But right now things are great between me and Stephanie. I love her and I don't want to break up with her. Not even to pursue something with you." James said slowly.
The last few words hit me like he had slapped me. The tears I'd been trying so hard to hold came flowing down my cheeks.
"Please don't cry." James said softly.
"I can't help it. You don't know how much this hurts." I said equally as soft.
"Yes I do." James replied.
I looked up at him, staring deep into his eyes for answers.
"I love you James. I've loved you from the first day I met you." I said for the first time unsure of my decision.
"Please don't do this Emily. Not to yourself, not to me." James said trying to wrap me into a hug.
I stepped away from him, pushing back his arms.
"No James." I said.
"Please Emily. Just one last time?" He asked.
"No. You chose her remember?" I asked.
James nodded and stepped back.
"Look I've gotta go to class." I said trying to get as far away from him as possible.
I turned and made my way towards the staircase. I picked up my bookbag and turned the corner. Suddenly someone grabbed my hand.
"Wait." James said.
He pulled me towards him. I anticipated what was coming.
"What are you two doing out of class?" A teacher asked coming down the stairs.
I opened my eyes shocked.
"I'm sorry..." I babbled.
"Where were you headed?" The teacher asked.
"Class." James said.
"Well it's kinda late. I bet they'll be happy to let you wait in detention." The teacher said.
I turned to James and then walked away. I started the trek across the school to detention.
"I'm sorry Emily." James said catching up to me.
"Well at least I don't have to sit through it alone." I said smiling at him.
I wiped away the remaining tears. I could feel James looking at me and didn't even bother to confirm it.
When we reached detention James grabbed my arm stopping me. He reached up and touched my cheek. He leaned in to kiss me but I stepped back.
"What is it?" James asked.
"Um..." I began.
"It's not Stephanie is it?" James asked.
"No. I wouldn't have a problem doing it to her." I replied.
"Then what is it?" James asked.
I finally had what I wanted but I suddenly didn't want it anymore.
"Look James. We can't go there. What you said before was right. There's nothing but friendship for us." I said softly.
"But wait... I didn't say that. I said I did have feelings for you." James said.
"But then you said you weren't going to break up with her to pursue anything with me." I said.
James looked at me for a moment.
"The honest truth is, I didn't realize how much you really meant to me until I saw you start crying." James said.
I looked at him and saw how vulnerable he had become.
"Right now the timings wrong. Maybe in a month or so we can get together." I said looking at him.
"But I don't want to wait." James said.
"You're going to have to. I waited five months to tell you this." I said softly.
"Please Emily. Just think about it." James suggested.
"I already have." I replied.
With that, I kissed him softly on the cheek and walked into detention. I realized that I didn't need him as much as I thought. But who knows maybe in a month or so, things will be different and we might have a chance.