A Guest In My Mind

Oh no! Here it comes again. Can I ever escape it? It invades every good period in my life with this weighted anxiety and overwhelming irratability. It stops all normal trains of thought and turns them all to mush without notice. It reminds me time and time again of all the things I no longer have and of all the things that I will never obtain. It turns me into someone I don't like to, or want to be. It stops my laughter and turns it to tears. It invades my memories like the plague. It breaks and takes every piece of me until there is nothing left but an empty shell that used to hold all the things that once made me, me. It teases me, making me think that when it leaves that it might not ever come back again. And then, it grabs hold and cuts through my life with ease - like scissors to paper. All the while I'm thinking that I'm doing all that I can to overcome it, to ignore it. Thinking that, all by myself, I can stop it. It just laughs at me as it takes me over and over again. I can hardly believe the things it makes me do and say. I can hardly believe the things that it makes me believe. It takes my sadness and leaves me blank. It takes my anger and turns it to rage. It takes my lonliness and adds to it fears. Its built its summer home upon my chest without any regard as to how I might feel about its comings and goings. It makes me turn the good things in my life away, and makes me beg the bad to stay. It makes stupidity unbearable and intelligence intollerable. It takes away all reasoning and turns everything into a crisis. It makes me feel like a puppet, it decides every move I make. It destroys until theres nothing left to destroy and then one day I wake up and its gone. Theres nothing different about the day that it leaves then there was the day that it came, but somehow its just gone. I get to breath without effort. I get to have a thought without a million other thoughts invading that thought. I get to enjoy all that life has to offer. But then, just when I think that life can't get any better, I wake up and its back to take me away from myself once more.