Natural Born Tricksta

This was written for cattytaurus's 'Imaginative' writing contest, and lost miserably. It had to include the following prompts:
1) Tinkerbell has left Neverland and has turned to a life of crime
2) The therapist is threatening to publish a tell-all
and the following prompts were considered 'wild cards' which I also included:
1) Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz shows up to help
2) An arrest occurs which exposes your character to the Mass Media (TV, Newspaper, Town Crier- whatever)

It is a loser, and should be treated as such. thank you.




Young reporter Jenny Barrie brushed herself off casually as she entered the large mental health facility. She was a bit nervous about the interview she was about to conduct with alleged murderer and potential psychopath Tinker Bell.

Jenny would be the first journalist brave enough to attempt an interview with Tinker Bell since it was revealed that Tinker Bell's last therapist had turned his back on her, and decided to spill her secrets to the press. Jenny wanted the inside scoop on Tinker Bell, and she was willing to sacrifice herself to beat that lousy therapist to the punch.

"Hi. My name is Jenny Barrie. I have a interview appointment with one Tinker Bell this afternoon," Jenny said to the receptionist at the front desk. The receptionist hit a small buzzer, opening the door for Jenny, and allowing her to pass through. Jenny was then met by a hospital orderly in a bright white uniform.

"Hello, Mrs. Barrie. My name is Ted, and I will take you to see Mrs. Bell," Ted said.

"Now I must tell you something, Mrs. Barrie, that...particular resident has not been the most cooperative," Ted continued.

"Oh don't worry about that. I'm sure she will warm up to me in no time. The poor girl is probably just a little lonely,". Jenny replied.

"Well don't say I didn't warn you. Now just follow me, and remember, always stay to the right. Don't even look to your left." Ted warned. His keys jingled as he unlocked the hallway's gate.

The two continued down the hall. Jenny was somewhat cautious, but was determined to remain professional. She tried her very best to ignore the various catcalling and screams that were coming from the cells.

Just as she was nearing her destination, Jenny's curiosity got the best of her. She caught herself peeking to her left, despite what Ted had warned her against.

What Jenny saw caused her to audibly gasp in shock. Row after row, cell after cell, of haunting, disturbing boys. The walls separating the cells were virtually non existant, having no doubt eroded over the course of their paint-fueled and well-choreographed dance numbers. The seemingly 'lost' boys were huddled together, giggling and muttering incoherently. Jenny placed her hand on her mouth to muffle her screams, but it was no use. The boys had heard her.

In unison, the boys gained eye contact with Jenny, and wicked smiles spread across their faces. Jenny quickened her pace behind Ted, and watched as the boys' eyes followed her every move. Suddenly, without warning, the group let out a blood-curdling scream.
"BANGARANG!" they screamed, as the group spread into separate lines, revealing a hidden catapult.

Before Jenny knew it, she was hit directly in the face with a splattering blue fruit, to which the boys erupted in a cheer.

"DAMMIT!" Ted yelled as he turned to discover what was going on behind his back.

"I told you to stay to the right, and not to look to the left!" Ted continued.

Ted helped in cleaning Jenny up, wiping her face clean with his handy handkerchief.

"Are you sure you want to go on?" Ted asked Jenny. She hesitated before nodding.
The two continued on down the hall until reaching the last door on the left.

"Remember, if anything goes wrong, or if you feel uncomfortable at any time, just push the call button on the left side of the wall in there. It's right by the light switch, and help will come for you, alright?" Ted explained.

"I'll be fine, Ted. Go get a Reggie bar or something," Jenny said as she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder. Ted shrugged and unlocked the door and turned the knob. Giving Jenny a final nod, he turned his back and left her. Jenny took a deep breath as she entered the room.

That's when she saw her. She was sitting in a dollhouse lawn chair in the corner of the windowsill. Her back was turned to the door, and she made no acknowledgment that anyone had entered the room.

She sat, motionless, staring passionately out of a small rip in the newspaper covering the window.

"Well hello there!" Jenny chimed in cheerfully, trying to break the tension.

"Let me introduce myself. My name is Jenny Barrie, and I work for the Pennsylvania Patriot, perhaps you've heard of it?" Jenny asked. There was no response.

"Well, I was told that you were interested in telling your story to the media, and I just wanted to be the first, and only, person you had to talk to. You see Mrs. Bell..." Jenny was cut off.

"Tink, Call me Tink," She said quietly.

"Tink! Alrightey. Look Tink, I'm sure that you are aware of how big this story is getting now, and you are obviously aware of how bad this therapist is making you look out there. This is your chance to set the record straight" Jenny said enthusiastically, but again, did not get a response.

"Tink...I am willing to work with you here, but for me to help you, you have to talk to me." Jenny said, growing impatient. Again, silence.

"Okay. I'm sorry if I wasted your time then. I guess I'll just be going. It was a pleasure..." Jenny was again interrupted.

"He's coming back, you know," Tink said. Her eyes remained focused on the light coming from the window. Now re-interested, Jenny quickly pulled out her tape recorder from her bag, and began to record the conversation.

"Who's coming back Tink?" Jenny asked, gently placing the recorder back in her bag, hiding it from view.

"Peter, Peter's coming back. He's going to make everything right...again..," Tink's voice trailed off.

"You know Tink, you're a smart girl. So I know that...you're well aware, that the courts proved there is no evidence of a Peter, and that most people think that...he's...not...real," Jenny said slowly. She wanted to let Tink down easily, hopefully allowing her to open up.

Suddenly, Tink jumped from her seat, and began violently clawing and tearing the newspaper off of the window. Screaming and grunting, Tink cried out as the paper disappeared into tiny pieces, revealing eight thick metal bars outside of the window. Tink slumped down, and allowed her face to smack into the glass with a thud.

Jenny gasped and leaped toward the call button, but stopped short when she saw Tink crumpled down against the window. Jenny cautiously walked toward Tink, and tried to console her.

"Oh it's okay Tink. I...I think the courts don't know anything anyway. I believe he's real," Jenny said compassionately. Tink suddenly spun around with new life. A glimmer of hope shined in her eyes.

"Really?! Has he talked to you?" Tink asked excitedly.

"Uh....yeah! But uh...he told me that he liked the way you tell stories so much, that he wanted me to come see you," Jenny stuttered.

"I knew it! I knew he'd come back!" Tink squealed with glee.

"See! I told you that bar skank would break your heart! But you didn't listen! I know I had to sell your stuff, but I can get it back baby...I just need some time!" Tink screamed as she faced the window, and began shaking her fist at the sky.

"Yes. Well, going back to what Peter told me..." Jenny chimed in.

"Right, right. The story huh? You really wanna know what happened?" Tink asked, as she sat back down in her chair.

"Yes. Very much so!" Jenny said, excited.

"Alright, Take a seat then," Tink advised.

"This was...years ago. It was when we were all together in Kensington Gardens. I was living with my parents at the time, and I had just met Peter. He was living in a loft, and he had a bunch of butt-wipe roommates, but I didn't pay a lot of attention to them.

I was working a lot, and in the free time that I did have, I would usually just spend with Peter.
We were both trying to save whatever money we had, so we could get an apartment together on Never Never Land. I was working as a waitress and a bartender, and Peter got a job coaching a Rec Basketball Team. It took us awhile, but eventually, we realized our dreams, and we got to go to Neverland.

Things started out great. But after a few weeks of living together, Peter really started to change on me. He kept leaving his smelly socks lying around, and of course since we finally realized our dream, he thought for some reason that he could just up and quit his job, and leave me working. Yeah, that's fair, you lords-a-leaping bastard!" Tink screamed while staring off in the distance.

Jenny sat silently, and paused, before adding "Yeah....what a prick." quietly.

"Damn right. So I'm working double shifts now, and I'm trying to play the housewife. I had to be on call, twenty-four seven, Three-sixty five. Whenever he wanted dinner, I had to make dinner. Whenever one of his stupid friends wanted something, I had to help them out. Do you know how many times I ended up sticking my neck out for this guy? A lot more than I should have!

Anyway, I'm working my wings off, and I start noticing he's staying out later and later each night. So I had enough, and I finally confronted him on it, and he tried telling me that he's out doing some kind of missionary work across town, and that he's becoming a better person in the process. I told him how he's not becoming a better anything by ignoring me, and how I was feeling really unwanted.

And do you know what he did? He laughed at me! He LAUGHED!" Tink screamed, banging her fist down on the arm of the chair, causing the back to collapse into a flat position.
Jenny chuckled slightly, and covered her laughter with a cough.

"Oh yeah. JUST like that. That's how he laughed. So, it was all this, and then he had to laugh at me, I...I'll admit, I handled the situation really badly, and I was stupid. I should have never turned to drugs the way I did. I was just looking for something that would help me stay up longer. I wanted to get more done. I...I wanted to be the housewife that Peter wanted. I thought I could win him back, but I realized I was too late." Tink said solemnly, looking down at the ground as she spoke.

"So...let me clarify here...you DID use DRUGS?" Jenny said, emphasizing the key words she wanted her tape recorder to pick up.

"Yes, alright. I used to do fairy dust. It was Peter's fault anyway. He had this whole collection of pipes and flutes and all kinds of paraphernalia, and I found this wand full of dust and...and yeah. But the important thing is that I was wrong, I admit it, and I've been clean for six months." Tink said.

"Oh, I believe you Tink, really, I do," Jenny said, with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Look, I know I'm not a saint or anything here. It was just a way I used to cope with my relationship falling apart. Because it was around then that Peter started bringing people back home with him. Some dumb whore named Wendy, and her stupid brothers ended up basically living with us. He always made up excuses to be with her instead of me. Always saying he was playing games with her. I don't care what he says. I've never heard of a game called 'Shower Rescue.'

So they ended up becoming...I don't even know what. But it was pretty clear to me that I wasn't needed anymore. So I packed up and moved here to California. I was going to get some acting jobs. Maybe settle down. But by the time I got here, everybody was talking about Pamela Anderson this, and Jenny McCarthy that. I wasn't any match for them." Tink explained.

"SO IS THAT WHY YOU GOT THE BOOB JOB?" Jenny exclaimed loudly, her head facing her purse.

"Yeah, but that butcher ended up making them look like a walleye fish. One was going east, and one was going west. It was a disaster. And the worst part was that I couldn't even fly, because I couldn't flex my chest anymore. They were too big, and I was stuck with them. It was the second worst decision I ever made," Tink began to cry.

"Oh...DON'T CRY Tink. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?" Jenny said.

"I uh...I gave in to my addiction again. I was doing fairy dust every day. And to pay for it, I did some movies that I'm..not..particularly proud of.." Tink trailed off.

"Oh, so YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU WERE IN FACT THE STAR OF 'CHECK THE OIL, TINKER WITH THE BELL'?" Jenny asked loudly.

"Yeah...among other things. I had to. It paid my habit. It paid the bills, and people clapped for me. I was always a sucker for the applause," Tink laughed.

"Clearly." Jenny said quietly.

"I really regret it though. If I just would have been strong enough to resist the temptation, I would have never even met the Captain." Tink said with remorse. Her voice was nearly a whisper.

"OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KNEW CAPTAIN HOOKER, RIGHT?" Jenny yelled.

"Yeah. That part is true. I'm sure you already know about all that," Tink said, her face now being held in her hands.

"Uh...uh...NO. I HAVE NO IDEA. PLEASE, TELL ME MORE," Jenny yelled nervously.

"Well, I had a shoot scheduled with him, and we were getting ready to go on. You know, just chatting. Nothing special. And so we're just about ready to shoot, and he pulls down his pants..and..and I saw it. It was awful. I...I need a moment" Tink was all choked up.

"SAW WHAT TINK? WHAT DID YOU SEE ABOUT CAPTAIN HOOKER?" Jenny yelled.

"I saw his hook.... And...and I was so scared. That thing would have carved me up like a thanksgiving turkey. I couldn't do it. I got out of there as fast as I could." Tink admitted.

"SO, YOU'RE SAYING YOU MURDERED HIM?" Jenny yelled, her head now fully inside her purse.
"NO! For the last time, NO! You know, all you seedy journalists are all alike. You guys just hear what you want to hear, and you just publish whatever sells your stupid paper. Of all the people for Peter to get a hold of, why the hell did he pick you?" Tink snapped.

"Oh well maybe it's because I DIDN'T GET IN CONTACT WITH HIM! AND THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S A FIGMENT OF YOUR TWISTED IMAGINATION!" Jenny screamed with delight.

Tink roared with anger, and barreled toward Jenny at full speed. Jenny screamed, and managed to vault herself up to the call button, and smacked it.

In an instant, two burly guards burst into the door. They each grabbed Jenny by the arm, and pulled her out of the room. A third orderly held Tink down with his pinky and thumb, and administered her a shot of a powerful sedative, knocking her out cold.

Tink was knocked back into reality by the pounding sound of the judge's gavel. She jerked her head from left to right, and awoke to find that she was shackled with hair ties, and weighted down with two sacks of marbles ties to her ankles.

"Now, do you have anything to add Mrs. Bell, before I sentence you?" the judge said sternly.

"Your honor, please, I beg of you, just listen to me!" Tink cried.

"The floor is yours," the judge proclaimed.
Tink's mind was spinning.

She had no idea what exactly had just happened, but it all came flashing back to her in an instant when she saw a grinning Jenny in the front row of the court. Tink knew that Jenny had gone to the police with her lies, and she had been set up.

"Your honor, I'd like to call one last witness to the stand, if I may?" Tink announced. The courtroom began buzzing with conversation.

"Silence!" the judge commanded. "You may."

"Thank you, your honor. May I request that the marbles be removed from myself, just for a moment?" Tink asked.

"I'll allow that. Bailiff, please remove Mrs. Bell's restraints," the judge commanded. The bailiff then proceeded to free Tink.

With her newfound freedom, Tink firmly positioned her heels on the ground, and with one loud 'CLACK' a puff of smoke appeared in the front of the jury, and a young pigtailed woman emerged.

The courtroom erupted with commotion at such a sight. The Judge began feverishly banging his gavel down.

"Order! Order, dammit!" the judge bellowed. "Mrs. Bell, is this your witness?"

"Indeed it is, your honor. I call to the stand, one Dorothy Gale," proclaimed Tink.
The bailiff swore Dorothy in as a witness, and she took her seat.

"Now, Mrs. Gale," Tink began.

"Oh, please, call me Dorothy Tink. You know that by now," Dorothy giggled. Tink leaned in closely to Dorothy, and whispered,"I know that. I'm trying to be professional here" Tink leaned out and began pacing back and forth dramatically.

"Now Dorothy...were you not at the scene of the crime in question, on the date the alleged murder took place?" Tink asked.

"Yes...yes I was," Dorothy said, attempting to awkwardly position herself in front of the microphone.

"Alright, now, can you tell all of us, in your own words, exactly what happened?" Tink asked.

"Well....it was a pretty normal day. I remember seeing you, out behind the lot. We were taking a smoke break...hey, by the way, can I smoke in here?" Dorothy asked as she removed a cigarette from her pack and put it between her lips.

"Absolutely not," the judge calmly said.

"Fine. I'll chew," Dorothy responded, as she inserted a large gob of snuff into her cheek.

"Anyway, we were back there, and we were talking about what we had on tap for that day. You were shooting 'Filthy Pixies 7' I think it was called, and I was shooting 'Yellow Brick Road Harlots 21' and we were talking about who we had to work with, and all of a sudden Captain Hooker came up, and started horsing around.

He was pushing you, flashing you, and flicking you in the back of the ear. He was being a real ass" Dorothy said as she spat on the floor.

"So you got right back in his face, and you called him a dirty pirate hooker or something like that, and then you stormed off. After that, he started getting really mad. He started shaking and fidgeting, and then, he just kinda fell over" Dorothy explained.

"OH REALLY!" Tink exclaimed.

"So does that mean there were NO SIGNS OF A STRUGGLE, WHATSOEVER?" Tink asked.

"Well no. The guy died of a urine blockage. I feel bad for him. But I heard that a bunch of doctors warned him not to get a metal penis implant, and that it could cause problems. Still, he didn't deserve to die" Dorothy went on.

"Wait a minute, are you telling me that there were no signs of a struggle whatsoever?" the judge asked Dorothy.

"Oh, no. He just fell over like a sack of potatoes," Dorothy said.

"Then maybe you can tell me, Mr. Prosecutor, exactly why we're trying this young woman for murder here?" the judge asked.

"Well...your honor, if you will remember, the doctor who found Mr. Hooker at the scene of the crime, clearly stated that to him, it showed all of the classic signs of a homicide," the prosecutor explained.

"Oh that's Randy! He told you he was a doctor?" Dorothy laughed.

"Randy works on sets sometimes. He's usually the guy getting the doughnuts or coffee or whatever. He's not a doctor." Dorothy laughed again.

"Mr. Prosecutor, why did you not check the credentials of this man?" the judge asked, angrily.

"Well...he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so I thought..." the prosecutor explained.

"I've heard enough! Mrs. Bell, in light of recent evidence, which easily should have been so obvious to us in the first place, coming to light, I hereby pronounce you free to go. Case dismissed," The Judge announced, as he slammed his gavel down a final time.

Tink jumped for joy upon hearing the news, and embraced Dorothy in a victory hug, and both began cackling like schoolgirls.

Suddenly, without warning, Jenny sprang to her feet.

"No....NO! THIS ISN'T FAIR! I HAVE THE PROOF THAT YOU'RE GUILTY! YOU'RE A SLUT! AND YOU'RE A MURDERER!" Jenny screamed, pointing an accusing finger at the pair.

"What are you stupid? He just said I'm not!" Tink exclaimed with joy. Tink began laughing again, this time at Jenny's accusation. Her mood quickly turned serious, however, when Jenny drew a pistol from her handbag.

"You're not going to get away with this Tink! You're going to pay for demoralizing society, AND FOR COSTING ME MY RIGHTFULL SPOT ON BARBRA WALTERS' 10 MOST INTERESTING PEOPLE LIST!" Jenny screamed, as she cocked the gun, and squeezed the trigger.

Tink shut her eyes tightly, bracing for the bullet to hit. But the hit never came. When she opened her eyes, Tink saw Peter, crumpled up and doubled over on the courtroom floor in front of her.

"PETER! YOU DID COME BACK!" Tink yelled. She ran up upon Peter's chest, and looked right in his eyes.

"Oh Peter, you do care! You took a bullet for me! You saved my life!" Tink cried out in emotion.

"Of course I did, Tink. I love you," Peter said, in between coughs. The courtroom erupted in a collective 'awwwww.'

Peter managed to stagger to his feet, with Dorothy helping by hoisting him up by the waist.

"Hey, thanks....I'm sorry, I didn't get your name" Peter said to Dorothy.

"Oh, it's Dorothy. I think we've met before" Dorothy said.

"Yeah. Yeah. I remember now. Hey, you were in that movie Scarecrow Hoes, right?" Peter chimed in.

"Yep! That's me!" Dorothy chuckled.

"Hey, how about you and me go get a cup of coffee or something, you know, after we swing by the hospital real quick like." Peter said enthusiastically.

"I'd like that a lot" Dorothy said, smiling. The two joined hands, and began walking toward the courtroom doors, when an awestruck Tink finally responded.

"PETER?!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Tink cried out.

"Don't worry about it babe. I'm just going to get to know Dorothy a little better. Hey, could you go take care of my leotard. I left it on the ground over there, and you're so good at getting out bloodstains." Peter said, then turning back around and chuckling to Dorothy.

"You know what Peter....I'm going to clean the hell out of that shirt for you! I'll put all of my love for you into it!" Tink exclaimed with joyful enthusiasm, as Peter and Dorothy walked out hand in hand.