Thanksgiving Guests

Thanksgiving Guests

“Eww, what’s that smell, mom?” Tommy asked, slinging his jacket carelessly over a kitchen chair.

I hadn’t really noticed until he mentioned it, but as I stepped back from the counter and the mixing bowl I had been hunched over, I took a deep breath. “Oh my God!” I grimaced. “What the heck IS it?”

Tommy was looking around the room his nose twitching, trying to sniff out whatever the un-Godly stink was. Oh no, not today. I thought. Please no, noooooo, damn it! Not today, this can not be happening to me today.

Tommy was still trying to track whatever it was, but his eyes were watering as badly as mine. He won’t be able to see whatever it is unless he falls into it. That wasn’t a pleasant thought to contemplate; it sort of smelled like a combination of rotten meat and excited skunk, with maybe a touch of sewer garnish.

“Oh my God, Tommy!” I gasped. “Do you think maybe Bandit got into something?” Bandit was Tommy’s dog. A mongrel mutt, constantly into everything, but Tommy loved that dog.

“Jeeze, I dunno mom.” He choked. “Whatever it is, it’s gross!”

“Yeah no kidding.” I covered my nose and mouth with the kitchen towel. “Go outside and call Bandit, and check and see if you can smell it out there too.”

“Boy, I hope Bandit is all right.” Tommy said, waving his hand in front of his face as he went back out the door. “Gee, I hope I don’t have to give him another bath either!”

Tommy had a point there. Bandit had an aversion to baths that bordered on psychotic, in fact, the last time Bandit smelled so bad I couldn’t have him in the house, I ordered Tommy to bathe the mutt and he had nearly destroyed our bathroom.

That little bath had cost me nearly two hundred dollars; counting the hospital visits for dog and master, replacing the window, shower curtain and new paint for the inside of the door.

I was nearly frantic trying to find where the devil that smell was coming from. Wandering through the house following my nose, it seemed to be the strongest at the far side of the dining room, but looking under the table and chairs I couldn’t spot anything that could be the culprit.

“No, no, noooo!” I chanted over and over. “This can’t be happening!”

In about 3 hours, my mother-in-law to be, would be pulling up our driveway for the first time ever, followed by another ten or so of my, about-to-be new, relatives. Over the course of the evening the house was going to fill up for tomorrow’s Thanksgiving dinner. Foolishly, I thought it would be nice to host the Thanksgiving Celebration to meet and get to know my new in-laws to be! This can’t be happening to me!

My fiance, Tim, wouldn’t be home until late tonight. He asked me numerous times if I was sure I was up to this challenge. I of course, reassured him just as many times, that I was not only up to it, I was in fact, looking forward to it with relish.

THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING TO ME!

“Tommy, TOMMY!” I called from the dining room. “Tommy, please look and see if there is any way a skunk may have gotten under the house.”

Living on the edge of town, this neighborhood was often visited by skunks as well as a fair amount of other vermin both large and small.

“Oh, Jeeze mom,” he answered from outside, “do you think that’s it?”

“Well we both know that SOMETHING sure smells bad.” I hollered back, I was getting more than a little frantic I was bordering on panic rapidly now!

“Mommmm!” Tommy called. “The screen is torn away from the vent. Want me to crawl under and see if I can spot anything?”

“Whattt?” I hollered. “Nooooo wait, don’t go under there! Hold on and guard the hole until I get the flashlight.”

“Okay but I think this is it, it really smells bad right here.” Tommy called back. “I still don’t see Bandit anywhere mom!”

“Oh great, just great, just what I need today!” I muttered to myself, rummaging in the drawer for the flashlight. “No doubt the flashlight will have a dead battery too!”

No, luckily it still works! I had to hurry up and get this taken care of, I needed to get the rest of the baking ready to put in the oven and I had promised myself at least an hour to relax and soak in the tub to calm my nerves before everyone’s scheduled arrival, I could see that spare time floating away now.

Grabbing the flashlight, I hurried outside around the house. Clutching my frumpy housecoat tightly around me, I shuddered to think that every neighbor on the block was probably watching our little drama through their blinds.

Tommy was standing beside the torn screen, holding his nose tightly scanning the area near the woods searching no doubt, for the wayward dog.

“Jeeze mom,” he said, “I don’t see Bandit anywhere, he usually meets me at the bus stop, but not today.”

It was true, Bandit loved Tommy as much as he was loved in return. They had been inseparable these last five years since Tommy’s father, my first husband had died. Come to think of it I hadn’t noticed Bandit all day myself, that was pretty unusual since about the only thing the mutt did all day was follow me around or wait by the door for Tommy to get home from school.

“Don’t worry about it honey.” I tried soothing his worry. “I’m sure he’s around here somewhere.” Taking a deep breath..., “Whewwww you’re right it is strong here!”

I peered into the gloom under the house, I realllly didn’t need this aggravation today.

Shining the flashlight as far as the beam would reach I saw a faint glow returning the light, it looked like two red beacons. Pushing myself carefully through the torn vent screen the first thing I noticed; the stench was much stronger in here, MUCH stronger! The second thing I noticed, was that the screen opening wasn’t as large as I would have liked, I wasn’t a large person, but I guess I wasn’t as small as I would have liked, either. I could hear a faint whimper coming from the direction of the glowing eyes.

“Bandit?” I called. “Oh great, I think Bandit has gotten tangled with a skunk.” I called back to Tommy. "Give me a push will you? I can’t quite get in.”

“Bandit?” Tommy called. “Bandit's under there?” In his excitement, Tommy gave me a fairly hard push and I was able to slip through the hole. Unfortunately my frumpy, but warm housecoat was left behind me.

At the same time Bandit, probably fearing that I might be cross with him and excited to hear Tommy, came bounding towards me, or rather towards the hole in the screen and freedom. I tried backing up quickly, but the dog was quicker. He was also very muddy, almost as muddy as he was stinky. In fact he smelled like he had been over to the Johnson place, I heard that they had to dig up their septic line.

Since Bandit couldn’t get through the hole with my hindquarters wedged in it, he decided to stop to lick my face and shake his muddy stinky coat out. Oh great, here I am with my rear end sticking out of the side of the house and my upper half covered in muddy stinky dog slobbers!

“Back off you miserable wretch!” I hollered, probably louder than I should have.

“Tommy, Tommmmy.” I called back to my son. “Please try and pull me out. Hurry I’m stuck.” I was trying desperately to not panic myself, but I think I did unfortunately panic the dog a little. Seeing a glimmer of light and hearing his beloved master’s voice, Bandit decided to try and squeeze out. Jumping on my back to do so he was trying to worm his way out, a process that only managed to get us both stuck pretty well.

“Mommm!” Tommy called. “Bandit is stuck.”

I was beginning to think the day couldn’t get much worse, a major mistake of thinking.

“Uhhh, mom?” Tommy called again slightly quieter this time. “Uh mom, I think we have company.”

Bandit was digging his claws for any purchase he could find trying to get out and I was scrabbling my fingers just as hard trying to heave myself back inside so I could turn around when I heard another voice from outside.

“Why hello, no one answered the doorbell, but we heard you back here so we came to look. My name is Bernice and this is Fred. We’re Tim’s parents.”