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Fast paced action adventure set in the Cascade mountains of washington state. |
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Fast paced action adventure with mystery, survivalism and a supernatural element thrown in. Join Tobal and his friends as they seek to uncover the secrets of the mysterious city-state of Heliopolis and the deaths of his time traveling parents. This story is set in the Cascade mountains of Washington state with a theme of survivalism and self empowerment as well as romance and intrigue. This is the first of a trilogy. |
Looking at his uncle Tobal saw an aging cripple with unkempt hair, a sunken chest and liver spots on his skin. He still had the use of his arms but his legs were withered and misshapen like tree limbs tossed in a storm. It was hard to think of this broken man as Lt. Col. Harry Kane, Federation Officer once retired and now called back into active duty. It was hard to think of him as his father's brother. It was his uncle's eyes that gave Tobal chills though. They were burning with some unseen torment and held some unholy knowledge or wisdom that pierced Tobal to his very core. He suddenly realized he had always been a little afraid of his uncle even though he didn't know why. All he knew was his uncle was or had been at one time a very dangerous man. "It's time I gave you this," Uncle Harry waved distractedly toward the box lying on the bed. "Promised your parents that I would when you were grown up. God knows you’re grown up. You've probably aged five years in the last two months." Tobal hardly heard what his uncle was saying, his eyes were fixed on the unusual glyph on the top of the oak box. He had seen that symbol once before. It was when he and his Uncle Harry had gone swimming. Tobal had been about two years old and it was one of his earliest memories. That was before his uncle had been paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair. It had been before his parents died. The water had been very cold, and there had been a woman with his uncle. They had been laughing and playing with him in the water. He had seen that same symbol of a man and woman within a circle. It was tattooed over his uncle’s heart. Years later Tobal had tried asking his uncle about the tattoo but uncle Harry had refused saying he must have imagined it. It had never been mentioned again. But Tobal had remembered and had always been curious about why it was a secret. It was one of the few memories of his childhood and of his parents. It was a sacred memory. Now that same symbol was on this box, a box his parents had left for him. With trembling fingers he reached over, picked up the box and set it gently on his lap almost afraid to open it. The wood felt smooth and cold to his touch. His fingers slid along the latch and the lock clicked open. Hardly daring to breathe, Tobal slowly raised the lid and looked inside. A yellowed envelope with his name was lying on top of dark green velvet. Nestled within the velvet was a large gold medallion with a heavy gold chain. The medallion had the same mysterious male and female image within a circle. Slowly and carefully he took the medallion out of the box and put it over his head. The medallion hung like a heavy weight against his chest covering his heart. His heart was pounding and there was a lump in his throat as he reached for the letter. Turning it over he saw that it had been sealed with dark red sealing wax. The sealing wax was embossed with the same image. He had heard of letters being sealed with sealing wax but had never seen one before. Putting the box aside on the bed, he carried the letter over to his desk, found a letter opener and carefully broke open the wax seal trying not to destroy it. Opening the letter with trembling hands he walked back to the bed and sat down to read. His uncle was staring out the window with haunted eyes that were looking at things in the past and not of this time or place. "Dearest son, Tobal, if you are reading this, we are dead. We wish we could have been there to watch you grow and share our love as you were growing up. Events happened to make this impossible. We promised to do one last mission that is very dangerous and are writing this letter in case we don't come back. You are in good hands with your Uncle Harry and Aunt Lilly. They love you and will take care of you. We asked them to keep this letter and give it to you when you come of age. You have the right to claim 'sanctuary' in the City of the Sun and find your true destiny, just as we have. It is our wish and dream that you be trained in the values and beliefs we hold dear. While we can not control the choices you make in life, we would like you to know what we believe; the things we feel are worth living and dying for. You may never know us, but you can know the things we love and care about. Perhaps someday you will learn what we died for. Take this medallion and letter to the Antiquities Shop on 2424 Oak St., Old Seattle, Washington, and show them to the proprietor. He will know what they are and what needs to be done. Your Uncle Harry will give you an airbus ticket. We would like to tell you more but there is no time left. Give our love to Howling Wolf. He can tell you what you need to know. Your loving parents, Lord and Lady of the Sun, Ron and Rachel Kane. Dated this day 25 January, 113th year of the New Eon, sun in Aquarius, moon in Scorpio." There were tears in Tobal's eyes as he looked up at his uncle. "What does this mean," he asked? His uncle shifted uncomfortably in the wheelchair and brought his attention back to the present. "Your parents were research scientists and citizens of Heliopolis. The city-state has been called 'City of the Sun'. It is a closed city-state on the West Coast that does not welcome commerce or communication with other city-states within the Federation. It was the classified nature of your parents research that was responsible for Heliopolis changing its status from an 'open' to a 'closed' or 'forbidden' city-state." "What was the nature of my parents research," Tobal asked curiously? "I am not at liberty to talk about it," said his uncle sadly. "Perhaps later, when you are older you will be able to learn more. I was the one that found your parent's bodies and attempted to continue their research after their deaths. There was a terrible accident in which your aunt Lilly was killed and I was left paralyzed. I was forced to close the entire project down as being too risky and dangerous to continue." "It was a very difficult time for me personally," his uncle said. "Your aunt Lilly and I loved each other very much and I grieved her death for many years as well as grieving the loss of your parents. I promised your parents I would take care of you if anything ever happened and I've done the best I could. I know I haven't been around here as much as I should have but I've put you in the best schools and made sure you've had the best teachers. You have done well and I am very proud of you but I can never take the place of your real parents." |
| Chapter 1C-Scars He dreaded the coming of Christmas because it marked his return to school. That was his truth. The weeks passed with several trips to the doctor and still he was not allowed to see his face or remove the bandages on his own. There seemed to be some problem with the healing process although he was told there was nothing to worry about. It didn't seem right and he worried about it. He took long walks in the bitter cold to get his mind off things. His uncle's estate was just a few clicks north of New Rome. New Rome was a city-state in what had once been central Minnesota. It was an area with many lakes and lots of privacy. The privacy came with a big price tag. Again Tobal wondered at the source of his uncle's obvious wealth. This time of year the lake was frozen over and he took long walks on the snow and ice. Bundling up against the bitter cold wind helped him forget his face was covered with bandages. Feeling the painful cold in his fingers helped him forget the painful lacerations on his face. With his uncle gone most of the time he was pretty much left to his own devices and he liked being outdoors. There was something fresh and clean about being alone and outdoors that gave him comfort. The ice and snow crunched loudly under his boots and the sun glared brightly. Today there were sun dogs on either side of the sun with a rainbow arch partly visible. His breath came out in clouds and burned a bit in his lungs. He turned off the lake and headed toward the stables. He had been spending a lot of time there lately and liked working with the horses. They were better company than his old friends were and they didn’t care about how he looked. As Tobal moved away from human contact he turned more and more to the silent companionship of animals and nature. If his uncle noticed he never said anything and neither did any of the staff. By Christmas Eve he was fretting and fingering the bandages on his face, itching to tear them off. He’d been instructed to leave them on one final week and today was the day they came off. With trembling fingers he went into the bathroom, found surgical scissors and began cutting the layers of gauze away from his face. He was tired of looking like a mummy. The gauze wanted to stick to his skin and he felt pain as he gently tugged at it, lifting the last of it carefully off his right eye. The bright bathroom light stabbed into his eye and sharp blinding pain flashed through his head. He closed his eyes against the pain and waited until it faded away. His fingers touched the newly healed skin and he carefully opened his eyes and looked into the mirror. "No", he screamed in horror! Four angry scars ran diagonally across his face. They were about an eighth of an inch wide. One reached from his right temple to cross his right eye, slashing across his nose and touching the corner of his mouth moving down along his jaw. That was the worst. That was the one that had almost taken his right eye out. There was a smaller one above that started at his forehead and swept across to the left eyebrow. There were two smaller ones across his cheek and along his jaw starting at the right cheekbone. They looked swollen, angry and discolored around the scar tissue that was forming. Tobal stared in horror at the face he would be carrying for the rest of his life. With a curse his fist smashed into the mirror. As it shattered into pieces he screamed and clutched his bleeding fist, sobbing as blood flowed down his wrist into the sink and onto the floor. "No! Goddess No!" he sobbed. Blood spattered and covered shards of broken mirror erased his image as he slumped toward the floor holding his ruined face. His life would never be the same. Tobal took it hard. He refused to go back to school and went from being an out going, fun loving kid to a loner. He didn't want to see any of his old friends or do any of the things he used to do. He continued spending time alone on the grounds of his uncle's estate either trekking across the frozen wasteland of the lake or riding his horse through the eerie quiet of the pine forest. He was numb inside and it was the harsh bitter cold that broke through his isolation and made him feel things, even if it was only physical discomfort. Somehow it felt good to feel something, even if it was just the cold. As the days passed the quiet solitude seared his soul with an agony that let him know he was still alive. He kept to himself, even when indoors. The few friends that came to visit were turned away until even they stopped coming. There were no more cards or invitations. One day his uncle brought up the subject of his going back to school. "I'm not going back to school", he shouted in anger at his uncle. Uncle Henry tried pleading with him, drawing him out, doing things with him, but nothing could break through the wall that Tobal had placed around himself. He was locked in his own hell of suffering and self-pity. His face had healed as well as it was going to. He had just come back from a consultation with his doctor. Plastic surgery might make the scar tissue smaller and less noticeable but his skin would always show the scars. Plastic surgery had been his final hope and he felt himself falling even deeper into a black hole of despair and apathy. It was late New Year's afternoon when his uncle Harry knocked on the bedroom door asking to come in. Tobal grudgingly stood aside and let him into the room. Uncle Harry wheeled his old fashioned wheelchair slowly into the room balancing a highly polished and elegantly crafted oak box on his lap. It was the size of a small jewelry box with ornate carving on the sides and top. With a start Tobal recognized the deeply engraved symbol on the top of the box. It was a carving of a man and woman standing side by side and holding hands. Surrounding the nude figures was a deeply engraved circle. The entire image was about three inches across and carved out of highly polished white oak. Uncle Harry laid the box gently down on the bed and wheeled his chair back making room for Tobal. He was looking at Tobal thoughtfully. There were conflicting emotions in his eyes. Dark shadows that Tobal didn't remember seeing before showed beneath them and he felt a sudden chill. This was not the uncle that he was familiar with. This was not the uncle that he had known his entire life. |
| Chapter 1B-Recovery "Well, it's the bandages, that's why you can't see," his uncle continued, "there was something on her fingernails, to strengthen them or something and they peeled away some of your skin. We don't know why but it's raising hell with the healing process. The doc tried pulling the skin back together and sewing you up but there will be some scarring. It's going to be awhile before you get healed up. Don't worry about it, doc says your eye is going to be fine, but it was a close thing and he doesn't want any infection setting in. You rest now, just lay back and sleep a little more. We'll talk about it later OK?" Tobal heard someone move near his uncle and felt something tug at his arm as the nurse injected something into the IV tube fastened to his wrist. He felt a wave of dizziness sweep over him and barely heard the creak of his uncle's wheelchair as it left the room. He awoke to the smell of violets in the room. "It's about time you woke up," came Fi's cheery voice from the edge of the bed. He moved his head cautiously and opened his left eye. Fi was sitting in a chair near the hospital window. She set down the magazine she had been reading and moved closer. "How are you doing," she asked in a concerned tone? "I've really been worried about you." She reached out and gently touched his arm. He pulled it away. Fi was the last person he wanted to see right now. "I don't know," he mumbled. "I just woke up." He looked around the room for the first time. There were flowers and get well cards. The room felt hot and made his skin itch. "Is my uncle here?" He asked in a more friendly tone and tried to smile but winced instead. "Oh," her hand involuntarily leapt to her mouth. "Are you alright?" She rose out of the chair and came toward the bed with her arms out to enfold him in a hug. He roughly pushed her away, feeling a pang in his chest and a burning in his eyes. "I'm fine," he said bitterly. "I just want to be left alone, ok?" There was a hurt and wounded look in her eyes and the beginning of tears. "Can I come back later then?" She pleaded. "I'm really sorry about what happened. I came yesterday but you were in surgery and then sleeping. Maybe I can come over to your Uncle's and we can talk." She smiled bravely. "Uncle Harry doesn't like visitors." He lied weakly. "Maybe we can get together back at school after Christmas break. How does that sound?" "Sure, back at school," she said softly and reached for her purse. Tobal didn't see the tears in her eyes or hear the break in her voice as she turned away. "Take care of yourself Tobal." He watched as she left the room. All he knew was that he wanted to be left alone. It never occurred to him how rude he was being until much later and then it was too late. He never saw Fiona again. He never even said goodbye. A few hours later Uncle Harry came and took him home to the estate. In the weeks that followed he got cards, letters and emails from his friends and schoolmates, invitations to parties and dances. He threw them all away without bothering to even look at them. It was vain and shallow but he had always depended on his looks. Now he felt afraid and unsure of himself. He didn't know how his friends would react when they saw him. He hadn't seen his own face yet and he was not sure that he wanted to. Thanksgiving came and went. There was no real celebration in the Kane household unless it was a private celebration held by the staff. His uncle was an embittered cripple and widower confined to a wheelchair. It was only Tobal's injury and depression that prompted his uncle's apparent interest now. Tobal knew that it would not last. Uncle Harry was his only living relative. His parents were dead and he had no brothers or sisters. There was a time he had felt much closer to his uncle but that was long ago. It seemed Uncle Harry was as preoccupied as Tobal was. "I don't understand what the Federation wants with a cripple," he snarled at dinner. Lt. Col. Harry Kane was being re-activated and he was not happy about it. "I need to go away for a few days and see what they want. Can you handle things around here by yourself? Maybe you could have some friends over. How bout that girl friend of yours?" Tobal squirmed uncomfortably and felt his face flush with heat. "We, ah, broke up," he said lamely. His uncle snorted in disgust. "Well suit yourself." He turned and wheeled himself out of the room. "I've got to get ready." Three days later his uncle returned and Tobal hardly recognized him. Overnight his uncle looked ten years older. His shoulders were more stooped and bags had formed under his eyes giving him a haunted look. It didn't take long to realize his uncle was avoiding him. The tension in the house was unbearable. Other times Tobal tried to deliberately avoid his uncle. As the days passed he never knew if his uncle was in the house or called away on some important military business and he hardly cared. They had never been that close. His only curiosity over the years had been how a simple Federation Officer had managed the nearly impossible feat of enrolling him in Tavistock Educational. One day he asked his uncle at dinner about it. "It was what your parents would have wanted," was all uncle Harry would say. Tobal never knew if his parents had moved in such high circles or if it was his uncle. It never seemed important before. He didn't know why it seemed so important now. All he knew was he didn't want to go back. |
| Chapter 1B-Recovery "Well, it's the bandages, that's why you can't see," his uncle continued, "there was something on her fingernails, to strengthen them or something and they peeled away some of your skin. We don't know why but it's raising hell with the healing process. The doc tried pulling the skin back together and sewing you up but there will be some scarring. It's going to be awhile before you get healed up. Don't worry about it, doc says your eye is going to be fine, but it was a close thing and he doesn't want any infection setting in. You rest now, just lay back and sleep a little more. We'll talk about it later OK?" Tobal heard someone move near his uncle and felt something tug at his arm as the nurse injected something into the IV tube fastened to his wrist. He felt a wave of dizziness sweep over him and barely heard the creak of his uncle's wheelchair as it left the room. He awoke to the smell of violets in the room. "It's about time you woke up," came Fi's cheery voice from the edge of the bed. He moved his head cautiously and opened his left eye. Fi was sitting in a chair near the hospital window. She set down the magazine she had been reading and moved closer. "How are you doing," she asked in a concerned tone? "I've really been worried about you." She reached out and gently touched his arm. He pulled it away. Fi was the last person he wanted to see right now. "I don't know," he mumbled. "I just woke up." He looked around the room for the first time. There were flowers and get well cards. The room felt hot and made his skin itch. "Is my uncle here?" He asked in a more friendly tone and tried to smile but winced instead. "Oh," her hand involuntarily leapt to her mouth. "Are you alright?" She rose out of the chair and came toward the bed with her arms out to enfold him in a hug. He roughly pushed her away, feeling a pang in his chest and a burning in his eyes. "I'm fine," he said bitterly. "I just want to be left alone, ok?" There was a hurt and wounded look in her eyes and the beginning of tears. "Can I come back later then?" She pleaded. "I'm really sorry about what happened. I came yesterday but you were in surgery and then sleeping. Maybe I can come over to your Uncle's and we can talk." She smiled bravely. "Uncle Harry doesn't like visitors." He lied weakly. "Maybe we can get together back at school after Christmas break. How does that sound?" "Sure, back at school," she said softly and reached for her purse. Tobal didn't see the tears in her eyes or hear the break in her voice as she turned away. "Take care of yourself Tobal." He watched as she left the room. All he knew was that he wanted to be left alone. It never occurred to him how rude he was being until much later and then it was too late. He never saw Fiona again. He never even said goodbye. A few hours later Uncle Harry came and took him home to the estate. In the weeks that followed he got cards, letters and emails from his friends and schoolmates, invitations to parties and dances. He threw them all away without bothering to even look at them. It was vain and shallow but he had always depended on his looks. Now he felt afraid and unsure of himself. He didn't know how his friends would react when they saw him. He hadn't seen his own face yet and he was not sure that he wanted to. Thanksgiving came and went. There was no real celebration in the Kane household unless it was a private celebration held by the staff. His uncle was an embittered cripple and widower confined to a wheelchair. It was only Tobal's injury and depression that prompted his uncle's apparent interest now. Tobal knew that it would not last. Uncle Harry was his only living relative. His parents were dead and he had no brothers or sisters. There was a time he had felt much closer to his uncle but that was long ago. It seemed Uncle Harry was as preoccupied as Tobal was. "I don't understand what the Federation wants with a cripple," he snarled at dinner. Lt. Col. Harry Kane was being re-activated and he was not happy about it. "I need to go away for a few days and see what they want. Can you handle things around here by yourself? Maybe you could have some friends over. How bout that girl friend of yours?" Tobal squirmed uncomfortably and felt his face flush with heat. "We, ah, broke up," he said lamely. His uncle snorted in disgust. "Well suit yourself." He turned and wheeled himself out of the room. "I've got to get ready." Three days later his uncle returned and Tobal hardly recognized him. Overnight his uncle looked ten years older. His shoulders were more stooped and bags had formed under his eyes giving him a haunted look. It didn't take long to realize his uncle was avoiding him. The tension in the house was unbearable. Other times Tobal tried to deliberately avoid his uncle. As the days passed he never knew if his uncle was in the house or called away on some important military business and he hardly cared. They had never been that close. His only curiosity over the years had been how a simple Federation Officer had managed the nearly impossible feat of enrolling him in Tavistock Educational. One day he asked his uncle at dinner about it. "It was what your parents would have wanted," was all uncle Harry would say. Tobal never knew if his parents had moved in such high circles or if it was his uncle. It never seemed important before. He didn't know why it seemed so important now. All he knew was he didn't want to go back. |
| Chapter 1A-The Attack Tobal was tall, slender and well built with dark hair and ruggedly handsome features. It didn't matter what he wore. He always looked good. He was vain about his looks and relied on them more than he needed to make favorable impressions. His eyes were piercing brown but tonight they twinkled with good humor. He was smiling as he swept his beautiful dance partner across the floor in graceful sweeping circles in easy rhythm with the music. He was dressed as a colonial American militia officer with a blue jacket, white pantaloons, polished black boots and long silver sword that gleamed in its curved scabbard. He had spent two painful weeks learning how to wear the sword without self-injury. So far it the practice had paid off. His dance partner, Fiona, looked like a dream tonight. He brushed her light chestnut hair off her bare shoulders and felt her smooth skin beneath his fingers. His breath caught in his throat, she was so beautiful. They had been going out for about a month now and things were really going well. She was wearing a sky blue evening gown that might not strictly have existed during colonial times but should have. It accented her figure and made his pulse race, or perhaps it was her perfume that was driving him crazy. All he knew was that he was feeling a bit intoxicated and it was from her. It was a good feeling and it looked like it was going to be a fun night. A life size statue of a man dressed in Egyptian clothing with a dog's head gave Tobal chills. It was Anubis, the Egyptian God of the dead. Statues of other Egyptian Gods and Goddesses were placed strategically around the auditorium with small shrines next to them. He could almost sense the presence of these ancient spirits hovering near their statues and cavorting within the ball room. He knew each of their stories and the role they assumed. It was basic history at Tavistock Educational. Tobal shifted a little and closed his eyes forcing these ghostly images out of his mind. He moved his right hand up a little, feeling the softness of Fi's breast beneath the silk fabric. Sliding his thumb gently over the silk he felt her nipple beneath the fabric. Fi was certainly not wearing a bra and he heard her catch her breath as he gently traced his finger along her jaw. He smelled the perfume of violets on her neck and in her hair. His eyes sparkled as he looked into her blue ones. "You're a good dancer Fi," he whispered into her ear. She smiled, "So are you," and snuggled more closely into his arms. She was enjoying this as much as he was. He felt her breasts against his chest and knew she could feel him against her too. They teased each other, dancing close and moving slowly together. Gradually they moved faster and faster, weaving in and out of sight as dangerous patches of colored fog rolled across the floor. Giggling, they spun together, lost in themselves and caught up in the sweeping movements of the dance. They laughed and shouted good natured comments toward some of the other dancers they passed in the gloom. There were narrow misses as other couples appeared suddenly out of the fog and just as quickly disappeared back into it. Faces were momentarily lit up by strobing lights and once more plunged into shadow. Tobal buried his face in her tangled hair. He was breathing in her perfume eagerly and nibbling at her ear. His eyes were closed as they whirled to the right and collided violently with another pair of dancers. He staggered. Letting go of Fi and turning around in stunned amazement felt something caught beneath his right boot. There was a sharp tug and a ripping sound. He felt a gown try to pull away from his boot and then give way. Panic clutched at his throat and heart as he blinked in the fog trying to see what had happened. "You bastard!" His eyes widened in disbelief as he faced an angry red head. Her eyes flashed hatred and her emerald evening gown hung down around her waist exposing small white breasts, topped with rosy pink nipples. Helplessly his gaze locked on them as she spun furiously knocking him to the floor. She was on top of him instantly screaming and clawing at his eyes. "No! It was an accident!" He screamed as he felt fingernails tearing deeply into his face. After that he remembered no more. Tobal awoke in the hospital confused and groggy. His muscles ached from being in bed too long. He did not know where he was or what had happened. Gradually memory returned. He groaned and reached his right hand up to touch his face. He felt his entire face covered with gauze and panic began to grip him. Everything was black and he couldn't see. Desperately he tried sitting up and was reaching up with both hands to rip off the gauze when he felt an arm pushing him gently but firmly back down as an alarm started going off somewhere on his left. "Take it easy son," Uncle Harry said pressing him back down into the bed. "You've got to rest. You've gone through a rough time boy." "What happened?" Tobal asked weakly. "Some young lady almost gouged your eye out," chuckled his uncle dryly. "She scratched the hell out of your face. Peeled it like an apple. Doc says you are going to have some nasty scars. How did you get her that mad at you anyway?" "I don't remember," Tobal whispered. A flush of heat and embarrassment crept into his face as memory returned, tightening his skin and causing a burst of pain to flash across his face. "I was dancing and bumped into her, then I turned around and her dress tore. The next thing I remember is her clawing at me like a wild animal." "I can't see!" He panicked clutching and tearing at the bandages. His uncle calmed him down once more pulling his hands away from his face and the bandages. |
The music seemed to lift and carry Tobal Kane as he swirled his partner through the many colored mists. The strains of the Blue Danube waltz echoed around the dimly lit auditorium as costumed dancers appeared and disappeared like ghosts from another time and place. The elaborate decorations struck a chord deep inside him and he didn't know why. Fog generators created an eerie atmosphere of colored fog that seemed to float and move over the polished hardwood floor of Albert Pike auditorium. The school had done a good job with the decorations and costumes but that didn't surprise Tobal. They were the best money could buy. Tavistock Educational in the City-State of New Rome drew from the wealthiest and most privileged families in the world. There was a waiting list of families wanting to get their children enrolled. At times he had wondered how his uncle had managed to get him enrolled. This year's Halloween theme was a perennial favorite, Freemasonry and secret societies in general. That was appropriate given the nature of Tavistock Educational, a small influential private school. Throughout history the elite and powerful moved within small secret societies far removed from the public eye. They met for many purposes. Not all of them were strictly legal or moral. The stated purpose of Tavistock Educational was to train and educate the next generation of world leaders. Freemasonry, Rosicrucianism, Templars, the Bavarian Illuminati and the occult practices of those mysterious people known as the Pennsylvania Dutch from the black forests of southern Germany certainly all had their roles to play in the founding of what used to be the United States of America. George Washington and all of the early presidents were known Master Masons. The Boston Tea Party was known to be a lodge activity. The Templars were high level Masons with political connections in continental Europe and in England. The Masonic symbols of the level and the square were widely known and recognized. Tobal saw many of these symbols as they circled the auditorium. Lesser known were the secretive Rosicrucians. Benjamin Franklin was the head of the Order in the Americas and Thomas Jefferson was his successor. The Rosicrucians were an inner circle that stemmed from the Jacobite rebellion and protestant split away from the Holy Universal Catholic Church. In England the Imperator was Sir Francis Bacon. In Germany it was Martin Luther who put the Rosy Cross on his family coat of arms. It was not widely known that the Rosicrucians under the leadership of Sir Francis Bacon were responsible for the creation of modern Freemasonry as a social experiment. Secrets within secrets were the hallmark of the Bavarian Illuminati founded by ex-Jesuit Adam Weishaupt. This associate of Benjamin Franklin and curious look alike to George Washington was always suspected of political connections with the early colonial Americans and founding fathers but it was never proved. The Illuminati always cropped up from time to time in various incarnations loosely modeled on the original and always deeply involved in world politics. The symbol of the red rose and golden cross hung on a chain around Tobal's neck. What could be said about the Pennsylvania Dutch? Those were simple folk seeking only the freedom of religion to worship as they wished in peace. The Black Forrest area of southern Germany was a stronghold of occultism and according to legend the birth place of Christian Rozencruez, the founder of the Rosicrucian Order. The Teutonic Knights or "Mariam Ritters" of Germany were the "Knights of Mary". They were keepers of the occult secrets of early gnostic Christianity when Mary, mother of Jesus, and Mary Magdalene, wife of Jesus and mother of his daughter, Sarah, were secreted away from the Roman Catholic Church deep in southern France. The lost blood line of Jesus led through the Merovingians into the nobility of Europe along with the "Divine Right to Rule" supported by the Roman Catholic Church. Many of these secrets and occult practices made their way into the very folklore of these otherwise common folk looking for religious freedom in the new world. But that was ancient history. Still, it was the "Divine Right to rule" that connected the families of these students at Tavistock Educational. For one reason or another these families felt they had been given a divine mandate to rule the rest of humanity. That belief in their own elitism and superiority led them to want the very best for their children in terms of education and social advantage. Each family was hoping that their own children might be "invited" into a higher and more secret elite society and social strata than they had reached on their own, a group so secret that they didn't even know existed. Perhaps that is what the families desired but tonight they were just teenagers dressed in costumes enjoying the music and dance. They had practiced ballroom dancing for months in preparation of this evening and spirits were high. |
The greatest secret of all time is the use of the male and female energies to perform what is sometimes known as high magic. Because of the puritan ethic that dominated society in the past death was often the result of revealing too much. It is hoped today's society will be more tolerant of this sacred mystery. In chapter one we explored the normal stages of male ego development. Ego development and spiritual growth proceeded through a series of stages or steps culminating in a type of awareness beyond mental awareness that has been called Cosmic Consciousness. This is the direct perception of self evident truth and the archetypal nature of existence. This path of development has also been termed the mystical path. It is driven through prayer and meditation. In chapter two we took the opposite and suggested it may represent the normal stages of female ego development. In retrospect we can see this path represents biological stages of development with emphasis on three distinct phases each female may progress through. These are the stages of maid, mother and crone. They are driven by biological factors. Family, relationships and service are very important. These two opposite paths both appear reasonable and logical and we are confronted with paradox. Both views extend from the lowest levels of awareness to the highest levels of awareness. Both are natural opposites of the other. Classic books like "Men are from Mars;Women are from Venus" give further evidence that males and females do experience life differently. I will go so far as to claim that males will default to a spiritual/intellectual view of living while being intensely drawn toward sensual/biological experiences. Males will be drawn to the female path and experience it briefly but they can not sustain contact with it. Females will be intensely drawn to a spiritual/intellectual view of living but default to sensual/biological experiences. They will be drawn to the male path and experience it briefly but can not sustain contact with it. They will loose interest in constant head tripping. Another factor of interest is that almost any female can experience the complete range of ego development through dating, pregnancy, child birth, and menopause. Some females may be more successful than others but they all reach the pinnacle and regain their connection with Goddess. This is a holistic path. The male path is quite different in that many males are not able to progress up the steps to the higher levels of ego development. They remain stuck at uncompleted stages for their entire lives. Progress to the next stage is not allowed until the current stage is mastered. This is a linear path. We form relationships with the opposite sex to help us grow as individuals and as love partners. The dynamic energy exchange between these two paths propel us to become whole. In this chapter we will form connections between the two views that reflect personal experience and help balance our inner male and female aspects. The degree format is not used in this chapter. Instead the male and female are seen as interacting with each other at ten separate levels. The similarity between this chapter and such practices as "drawing down the moon" are noteworthy. The man and woman agree to work together as an inseparable team to accomplish their desired goals. Since they are meeting primarily on the mental plane it is vital they have as many interests in common as possible. These common interests will help to bridge the vast spiritual gap that will face them later in the work and strengthen their sense of purpose. They are drawn together through a magnetic attraction called love. Romantic love relationships are sacred. Combined their energy is magickal. The man should have a very idealistic and spiritual nature. He will be using male energy as a catalyst to lift her spiritual nature to those spiritual heights where she can contact the Goddess within. When this contact is made she becomes the Goddess and by transforming his generated energy causes it to manifest objectively as healing energy or she directs it for stated magical objectives. He has the surplus energy she needs to achieve her goals. Alone his energy is wild and undirected. Together they can achieve miracles. Using the male and female energies correctly is a form of tantric sex magic. This may or may not involve sex or orgasm. What is required is foreplay and sexual tension that is prolonged until intense sexual, emotional, and spiritual energies are generated between them. Through physical contact these energies merge into her aura and stabilize. If they are fully clothed holding hands together will allow this exchange of energies to take place. In essence any type of male/female interaction will create sparks. This is the spark of sexual excitement. In magical work sincerity of purpose is important, not ritual. Whatever is done must be original and meaningful to them alone. It must inspire emotions and arouse their desires. To perform this type of sexual alchemy takes time. Mentally and emotionally explore each other step by step. There are ten steps. Each of the following objectives must be mastered completely before going on to the next. Each objective describes the male and female response as the male generates spiritual energy and invokes the Goddess within her. These steps are the two previous chapters combined as they describe the romantic interaction between two people in love. There are ten stages or objectives that relationships progress through under normal conditions. See if you can recognize these first five. 1. In this first objective the male struggles to be both body and spirit. He strives to become one with the Christ spirit within him while still maintaining an awareness of his physical body. He looks at her and recognizes the Goddess. He sees her as a spiritual being placing her on a pedestal and mentally kneels before her. He has expectations and standards for her that are so high only a Goddess could fulfill them. He does not feel worthy of her love. She feels his energy coming into her aura and body. Mentally she identifies with the spiritual Goddess within her and opens herself to embrace his energy. This is true Goddess love. She acts through instinct and recognizes what sensations his energy produces in her physical body. All options are explored. She allows this. She loves herself and the whole world. She accepts his worship of her. She is the Goddess. His love makes her feel lovable. 2. In this second objective she becomes the ideal for him as he gets to know her better. Mentally he tries to understand her. She is beyond logic and reason. All answers merely bring more questions. She is a great mystery. She is good, she is evil, she is life, she is death, she is sin, she is salvation, she is illusion, she is reality. His intellect is inadequate and he tries to intuitively understand her instead. He is in a complete intellectual fog and at her mercy. Words can't express his feelings toward her. Her body rejoices with eagerness. Everything is right. She is a physical Goddess. Her body obeys her mind. she feels stability and peace. She has no expectations of him at all. Everything is new and fresh. All is fulfillment. She feels his energy influence her sensually. Her emotions are becoming aroused. There is great joy and freedom in exploring these new sensations. She identifies more and more with her body as she sees its effect on him. Her body can not be wrong. It can deal with anything that comes along. He is wrapped around her little finger. She uses her body deliberately to get reactions from him. She uses body language. 3. He begins to trust his intuition above other things. She is the Goddess and he is in love. There is no one else for him or ever will be. She is his Goddess. He is content to bask in her radiance, to merely be close to her. He never felt he could find someone that was so right for him. It's like a fairy tale dream. He wants to have sex with her. Her energy makes his entire body shiver. Her new body awareness is strange and she feels timid, shy, and uncertain. She feels weak and powerless compared to him. The very force of the emotions he is generating threaten to overwhelm her. Instead of reaching spiritual heights the force of his emotions is plunging her down the steep incline into sensual materialism. Recklessly and joyously she forsakes all spiritual values and lets it take her where it will. This is also part of being a Goddess. She wants to have sex with him. 4. He finds joy and peace in daydreaming about her. He lets his imagination run wild as he explores fantasy after fantasy. His daydreams become more real than she is. It is what she spiritually represents that he is in love with. He tries to draw this Goddess down into her physical body with his imagination. When they have sex he is making love to the Goddess and not to her. She feels apprehension and sorrow at her sudden exposure to the intensity of his emotions. He is now generating tangible psychic force and she must accept it and transform it. This force at first seems hostile and threatening. It stirs her emotions wildly. This is her first eye opening exposure to the forces that can be generated this way. It is both terrifying and exciting. How can he have so much energy? It is too much for her so she tries to channel his energy upward to the Goddess. Sex is not what she thought is would be and she instinctively feels that something is not right about how he feels about her. He doesn't really know her. 5. He realizes she is holding back and having difficulties with his energy. He turns his vast creative energies exclusively toward developing a type of energy she can work with. Through trial and error he examines the nature of the energy he is sending her. He perfects and refines each type of energy until he can send each type to her at will. Physical sex entraps both of them and she becomes pregnant. She is totally overwhelmed by the varieties and force of the energies he is sending. This is a totally new experience and she becomes afraid of loosing herself completely in this wild vortex of raw sensual, emotional, and spiritual forces. Even though she tries to be careful she finds herself being dragged deeper and deeper into his wild energies and she can't escape. She is loosing control. He is beginning to dominate her. Then she becomes pregnant. 6. At this point it is time for him to slack off and forget about romance for awhile. He should just enjoy her company and share social activities with her. They are going to have a child together. Sensual pursuits are fun. As he turns the power down she relaxes and they both turn to a life of total hedonism and enjoyment. She enjoys his company and needs his energy but only a little at a time. After a while she craves larger and larger doses of his raw energy. She learns how to deal with it effectively. It begins to give her power and energy and she can return some of it back to him in a new form. 7. He thinks seriously about forming a permanent relationship with her. He pours his energy and vigor out to her with an intensity that borders on insanity because it is so strong. As she receives his energy she becomes completely self-centered. This is the only way she can effectively direct the forces he is generating. She has to be in total control, there can be no weakness. She uses her will to focus his energy toward those things she desires. 8. As she takes total control he begins to suspect she doesn't love him, that she is just using him to get what she wants. What about the things he wants? He has to fight these doubts and be patient with her at this time. All she seems to care about is the child. The entire world spreads out before her. She can carve out of it whatever she will. She can use him and his energies as she wishes to achieve her dream. There is no mental hesitation or uncertainty. She goes for the achievement of her dream. She is having a baby! 9. He seems to be only a servant to her but then he remembers that is what he wanted to be. She is the Goddess. He wanted to build her dream for her and now she is using his energy to do just that! Working together they are both achieving those things they wished for. This is the beginning of high magic. They are making a family. She is the Goddess, a force of nature, unstoppable. She perceives the karmic need for excitement, thrills, and vitality. She knows when to support him and when to bitch at him to get him fired up enough to do something. She gives him inspiration and takes from him what she needs. 10. Blinded by his love for her he sacrifices himself. He projects everything he has and is into her. He is free of all personal desires and plunges into spiritual death and rebirth. She accepts his sacrifice. She embraces all that he is and resolves to make him complete in all things. It will take all of her power to completely contain his expansive energies but she sacrifices everything she is to do this. 11. They merge. They are one. They are a single unit, a new being. There are no barriers between them. They have become one soul and one family. 12. Their entire personal universe is now recreated on all levels in their image. All is realized, all is complete. |
| Duality-The Female Now the fun begins! Let's take the information in chapter one and replace it with its natural opposite. Where death is mentioned use birth instead. Where spiritual is mentioned use material instead. In short, create a document that reflects the opposite type of ego and personality development than described in chapter one. As a theory suppose this "opposite" type of ego development reflects the normal developmental process for females. Let's see if this is feasible and of interest. Remember, the feminine nature exists within all of us, male and female. As a study of duality we will presume “Duality-The Male” reflects the normal process of personality development in males. This is just an exercise to see what happens and is not to be taken too seriously. “Duality-The Male” does represent the known stages of ego and personality development known through mystery schools of the past. Trying to create an "unknown" or "hidden" opposite type of ego and personality development is a study in the concept of duality. "If something is true, it's opposite must also be true." No offense is intended. It is hoped additional insight into the dynamics of male/female interactions may be discovered. It is also intended as an aid in the perception of duality and the energy dynamics within male/female relationships and love in general. With this viewpoint the female is born with Goddess awareness having an intuitive perception of all things. She is born "psychic". Neophyte Degree As a child she has the ability to easily express herself with words. Everyone is struck by her innocence and perceptiveness and they listen to what she has to say. She wants to share her Goddess perspective with others. Her words sting with truth. She is a Goddess within a child's body and understands all things are possible. Good things can happen to everyone. She is optimistic and has the ability to do what ever she wants. Intuitively she knows all karma resolves itself in the end. She can be carefree. As a teenager it is easy and natural to rebel against socially acceptable behavior. Her parents become alarmed and restrain her unmercifully to no avail. She learns to manipulate people and pull their strings to get what she wants. Emotionally she has no strongly focused personal desires. She flits from one thing to the next in seconds and has everything she really wants. She feels joy and happiness as each wish is fulfilled. Life is good and she knows her desires will come true. It is hard to wait. There is no strong concept of time and the days blur together. She dreams about her future life and what she will be when she grows up. She wants to be a bride and marry a prince. She has total control over her destiny at this point. With her Goddess awareness she can create the life she chooses. She is in control. Her intuition is highly developed and she can see how long term goals will work out. It is important she has a dream to inspire her to greater things. Intuitively she knows there is no right or wrong. All things are potentials for exploration. She goes against her parents and gets others in trouble. She keeps secrets. There is apathy and depression because of an inability to choose only one direction out of the many that are pulling her in different ways. She might have trouble getting started but still she finds great joy and pride in the accomplishments of others. Culture, religion, and philosophical concepts are very confusing. She appears very naive. Everything seems to go against her inner nature and is not harmonious. She is told how to think and how to act and she resents it. She rebels and rejects authority. The elders are blind, they don't understand what she sees with her Goddess perception. People are born, animals are born, plants grow from seeds. She is fascinated that one day she will be able to give birth. What will it be like? Where does the baby come from? How can the miracle of birth be? It seems unreal. Will it hurt her? Her parents and society tell her sex is bad but how can it be bad if it produces babies? She intuits that sex is a need for a full life. With the beginning of her periods sex becomes a portion of her life that can not be ignored. The same is true for the mood swings that surge like waves through her. Zelator Degree She discovers that by appealing to others she can achieve physical goals easily. Everyone wants to please her. All nature appears bountiful and cooperative. There is enough for everyone. All she can do is good and she is impersonal love. She has light feelings of innocence and worthiness. She is naive and tries weakly to enter into physical life. She is in her early teens, the Goddess awareness is withdrawing. She reacts to physical and emotional stimulus. She is turning her back on the Goddess within and facing an exciting and unknown world with mental awareness. She notices others are fascinated by her body. She can wrap them around her finger by teasing them and flirting. She admires her body and seeks to be more beautiful. She spends her days in joy, experimentation, and curiosity loving herself. She is becoming more of a Goddess. Nature and the world surround her with life, vitality, and sensuality. She identifys with it. She rejects her spiritual nature and accepts physical life. She has to live. Life is a joy and a reward. She can do anything. All things are possible. She identifies with a physical sensual body and a sharp inquisitive mind. Mind and body are highly integrated. Her connection with the Goddess awareness is mental. She doesn't need to think about it anymore. There is a sense of belonging and companionship in social activities. Her intellect is brilliant. As she withdraws from her Goddess awareness she looses her source of spiritual energy. Spiritual growth can no longer be done alone. She doesn't always get her way in things and gets into trouble. As her spiritual energy leaves, she becomes increasingly involved in wild emotional currents. Her mental clarity suffers and her intellect and reasoning ability gradually drop as they are overwhelmed by the emotions. She will seek company, laugh with good companions, and enjoy the delights of the world. As she begins to deliberately use people she has less compassion, becomes cold hearted and lonelier. Practicus Degree In spite of all efforts she looses contact with her spiritual Goddess awareness as she grows older. At the end of this cycle there is not even an intuition connection. What she is left with is her intellect. At the beginning of this cycle she mentally identifies with the spiritual Goddess, but opens herself to embrace all things. This is true Goddess love. She acts through instinct. With the beginning of her periods she begins to recognize the physical nature in herself. All options are explored to the fullest. She loves herself and the whole world. Her body rejoices with eagerness. Everything is right. She has entered the physical realm and the Goddess is still supreme as an ideal although unreachable. The body obeys the mind. She has all the answers and understands all things or thinks that she does. All is self-evident. There is stability and peace. She has no expectations. Everything is new and fresh. All is fulfillment. This is the first half of this degree. The second half is more difficult. She moves from a position of empowerment to a position of weakness. As sensuality and the emotions become stronger, her spiritual Goddess nature is dismissed carelessly. There is great joy in freedom. Everything is fresh and clear. No intellectual fog. She identifies more and more with her body and her physical environment. Her body can't be wrong. It knows what is good for it or not good for it. Everything is clear. The body can deal with anything that comes along. She trusts her body over reason. Her body can get her things that her reason can't. This birth of body consciousness alters her thought processes. Abstract symbols become difficult and unimportant. She uses words, emotions and body language. Her new body awareness is strange and she feels timid and shy, uncertain. The physical self becomes unhindered in its attempts at self expression. It rushes forward in total control. She feels weak and powerless. All is against her. There is no power. She has a great desire to accomplish great things and become somebody at any cost. She plunges recklessly and joyously down the steep incline into sensual materialism totally forsaking all spiritual values. Philosophus Degree Having broken her connection with Goddess she feels apprehension and sorrow at her sudden exposure to a hostile and threatening world. She does not feel safe and secure anymore. This begins the birth of the lower human ego because the physical world and the emotional world are more real than the spiritual one. There is a sense that all is chaotic and she is beset with cares and worries that are all too real and clear. Everything is too real and too physical. There is no escape from the present moment. This is the first eye opening exposure to the true terrors and delights of the material world. There is no more innocence, only awakening. This is a totally new experience and a great sense of apprehension and sadness is felt in the fear of loosing one's self completely in sensuality and materialism. There is the lure of becoming lost in the pleasures and sorrows of the present moment. She is hesitant in using her imagination since she has so little spiritual and mental energy of her own. It is much harder than before and no longer comes naturally. Even though she carefully chooses her experiences she just seems to get in deeper and deeper and can't escape. She might use drugs to escape from the pressures of unrelenting reality. The physical, sensual life seductively lures her with promises of great treasures and rewards. More and more time is spent in physical pursuits until all of her energy and free time is caught up in physical life and in the present moment. She controls others like puppets. Mentally she identifies herself as a physical Goddess. Sensual pursuits are fun and she explores the mystery of toil and virtue of labor. Her earth energies are turned toward relaxation, social life, and enjoyment. Total hedonism is the only way to truly experience all of life. She is in a process of devolution and stagnation and so is everything else. She does one thing after another and nothing seems to satisfy. She is becoming jaded and seeks meaning in life. Little by little she learns about the world through experience and sensation. There is no spot for her to fill or path to follow. Everything becomes meaningless. At some point she has a dramatic change of viewpoint. She is loosing the ability to be a co-creator. Her personal energy is almost used up. Unless she receives energy from someone else she will retreat into a life of dull drudgery. If she is not married she begins looking. The biological clock is ticking. She can't do this alone. She needs a partner. Her whole attitude remains self centered. She thinks of herself and how to get the things she wants in life. Others come second. This is a time of total selfishness. Mental abilities are at an all-time low and she is ruled by emotions and instincts. She will use people ruthlessly to get the objects of her desire. She will find a suitable partner through cold calculation if need be. Adeptus Minor Degree The entire world spreads out before her in richness and splendor. She can carve out of it what she will. For the first time in her life she feels like she can reach out and make a life for herself, an empire or a family. She is ready to act and knows what to do. She can use people as she wishes to achieve what she wants. It is her dream, her empire that is important now. Her self-centeredness is absolute and her discipline is tremendous. She can accomplish great things. There is no mental hesitation or uncertainty. She can see with clarity exactly what needs to be done to get what she wants. She is a master and creator. Her body can create life. She is surrounded with life and vitality. All seems familiar and safe. The world is an ecstasy of joy, color, sound and beautiful forms. All is sacred. There is nothing to think about. It is all here right now. Life is self-evident. She is the Goddess-a force of nature-unstoppable. She understands the karmic need for excitement, thrills, and life vitality. Also she understands the need for ruthlessness and violence. When harmony becomes too dull and monotonous she livens things up. She gives inspiration to others. She takes what she needs and others let her have it. She controls people like puppets. She is intoxicated with power and is on fire for more and more. She is especially given control over the men in her life and able to direct them and use them to achieve her goals. They are willing to give her what she needs and she is willing to accept. She lives entirely in the present moment. Adeptus Major Degree At this point she must confront and balance out any karma she created in previous years. This is a final harvest and accounting where results come back to her. Her motive power is gone completely. If she has good karma coming, this time will be a blessing as others come through for her. They now repay her kindness in full and give her energy and vitality. If she has bad karma she must pay it back, loosing all she holds dear leaving only pain and sorrow. She identifys with the emotional and astral worlds of sense and feeling. She is riding a wave she has no control over. There is no reason for manipulation and control games. Those were in the past. She is living the results of past actions and she knows it. She becomes uninhibited and careless of ideals. She experiences pure desire, emotion, and thought getting caught up in the intensity of the present moment, but she remains bound by her karmic chains. Instead of confronting her karmic chains, she may refuse and do anything to escape reality including drug and alcohol abuse. She is desperate to get relief from the stress of the moment regardless of consequences. She is blinded by her ego. This is where the most harmful karma is generated. There is no escape and there comes a time when she gives in and accepts the consequences that are coming to her. In owning her responsibility for what is happening an important shift of awareness takes place. She believes she alone is real, she is the Goddess. She experiences the physical realms in their entirety and has an elemental awareness of things. This is her peak in life. She is forced to confront her karmic chains and becomes a slave to it. She is sucked into the karma she created and works to become free. This is an important period of service. She learns to reach out to others forgetting about herself as she works out her karma. She has become a mother. She forsakes the material world and tries to plunge into spiritual salvation through living for others. To her horror the spiritual planes are denied to her unless others give her their energy. She becomes dependent on others. She struggles to escape her karmic bonds. Physical sensuality takes the form of intense sorrow and physical agony as she suffers under her burden. Life is seen as a great sorrow that brings only death. The intense disharmony is not tolerable and she fears for her sanity. In one way this may be seen as the burdens and demands of motherhood and child nurturing. There is a balance of both good and bad things happening and she is changed forever. Adeptus Exemptus Degree If giving birth is an initiation motherhood is an even greater initiation. Watching your children grow up and being there for them is very powerful. The Adeptus Exemptus has mastered being a good mother to her children. Here she offers material things to her family without thought of self or personal gain. She is fulfilling her karma. She is compassion and feeling for those she loves, nothing else. She is reaching out to all things within her home with no thought of self. She sees everything, hears everything, and talks constantly. She is totally consumed by this role of being a mother. She longs for the spiritual life and rebirth of the Goddess ego but this time in the mother aspect. She is drawn uncontrollably toward the spiritual levels. As the last of her karma resolves itself, her longing flings her toward total union with spiritual Goddess awareness once more. This is full realization of what being a mother really means. She becomes a matriarch. There is an interesting distinction between this level as a male and this level as a female. Most females attain to motherhood and to this grade of ego development. Few males ever reach their corresponding level of development. Magister Templi Degree It has been said there are three great stages in a woman's life. These are the three faces of the Goddess, Maid,Mother and Crone. For the male the Magister Templi Degree involves crossing the Great Abyss and the destruction of the false ego. For the female the Great Abyss is entering the Crone stage. Her child bearing years are done and she is known for her great wisdom. It is in entering this stage that she is able to develop a strong ego for herself and finally turn toward her own needs and dreams. She has lived so long for other people that living for herself can be a strange and uncomfortable change. It is new and not comfortable. She remembers being a maid and being a mother. Now she is once more developing a global perspective. She understands fully what it is to be a woman and is able to help those younger than her get through tough times. She is Mother Nature. She becomes a great spiritual sea that embraces all the tiny drops that are others. She is the empty space that supports the stars. She is an illusion, only real through the actions of others. She is illusion and all else is real. She supports the entire cosmos. She seeks harmony and stability. She is inseparable from life. Life is action, she is reaction. She is order, Life is chaos, together they create all things. Magus Degree It is in this degree the female reconnects with her Goddess and spiritual nature. She regains the wisdom and insight she had as a small child. She does this by once more being around small children. Her children have grown and left the nest. But she has grandchildren. She feels the emptiness and comes to terms with it. This is not only a death but a rebirth for her. She lets go of her children and embraces her own inner child once more. She watches her children become parents and struggle just as she has struggled. As painful as it is to watch others suffer she knows they must be allowed to find their own way. When asked she has much valuable knowledge to share. The children really love her and feel close to her. The circle of life is complete and she understands. Her own children need to be allowed to experience and learn through their own mistakes and efforts. Perhaps for the first time she can understand the need for tough love as she interacts with her grandchildren. The female finds spirituality through the biology of life and love. It is not an abstract spiritual light found in a church or through prayer. Spirituality comes through the love that is shared with friends and family. It comes and is given through a hug or through service to others. It is warm and it bleeds when it is hurt. That is what spirituality is. Ipsissimus Degree Spiritual light is only accessible through the physical worlds and physical man. She must journey back to the Priestess- to become a child before she finds fulfillment. The Ipsissimus Degree completes the journey of ego development for the female. The circle is complete and once more she has regained her Goddess nature and her spiritual power. In this chapter we explored an alternate version of ego development and spirituality much different than what is commonly accepted. This path is the path of biology and physicality. It is the path of life giving birth to life with the challenges and the joys such a path brings. The spiritual path for the female lies through the physical world as maid, mother, crone and leading to death. This is a path of family and a path of service to humanity. The path of parenthood is not as natural for the male but it is just as important. One of the things the female can do in this degree is understand and help the males in her life to understand this path and learn to value it. At the same time having traveled her own path she becomes free to gain an understanding of the male path and grow in that type of spirituality as well. In summary we might consider the male path of development as the path of creating something out of nothing. The male takes an idea and manifests it in the physical world. This is also called creating heaven on earth. Doing this makes him a creator or God. The female path of development is to bring Gods and Goddesses into physical life and to become a Goddess herself. Her body has the wisdom and ability to do this. The irony is that very few males successfully reach the highest stages of ego development and spirituality. They become stuck at some lower level and can't continue. Many are not able to bring their dreams into physical manifestation. Not many males can become Gods or creators. All most all females can achieve the roles of maid, mother and crone. They can feel the power of mother's love and the sorrows that come with it. All females can become Goddesses. Some just do it better than others. Some are able to achieve this without giving birth to children. They will give birth to family. |
anarchistbanjo I would like to share a few essays that compare the process of ego development with some of the more recognized landmarks of metaphysical and psychological research. I’ve used the grade system of the Golden Dawn as a convenient way of organizing this data using Israel Regardie’s book as a reference. I could just as easily have used terms used by psychology or some other school of thought. The main point is that even if different terms are used the experiences described are the same. There is a universal experience that is true for all people even if it is highly subjective. Therefore these next chapters are tied together in a way that builds on what went before. What they propose is a progressive ladder or stairway we each must travel in the process of healthy ego development. With a little imagination and memory work you will be able to identify personally with almost every stage that is listed. We achieve these stages all the time but do not recognize them for what they are. They offer a type of initiation that will act as a catalyst for personal growth and healing. While my examples may not be strictly accurate they should be very evocative and I welcome comments that would help smooth these concepts out a little more. NEOPHYTE DEGREE In this degree the Neophyte or newborn begins explorations of the ego. What I’m really saying here is we move from an animal awareness into an awareness of “self”. Typically these levels are dealt with naturally during childhood. Each must be developed before we can move on and mature in a healthy way. This degree has eight levels of awareness. Each level deals with personal limitations and how our developing ego grows and adjusts to confront and gradually master these limitations. I don’t know of any order or sequence these areas may fall into. I do know we are not complete until we have explored and come to terms with all of these areas. There are many similarities with Erickson’s “eight stages of Man”. Those familiar with his work will find this addition especially interesting. Limitations of Language. So often in our lives words are inadequate to express the depth of our emotions and the intent of our actions. We feel no one understands us, no one will listen to what we are trying to say. Gradually we accept that we have a unique perspective on life and many things that happen will remain forever secret between ourselves and the God of our hearts. We are not able to share them with others and we will never be able to share them. At least this is the healthy way things should be. All too often we expect others to understand and have insight into our personal situation. We want to think our loved ones know us but the reality is that no one can really know us that deeply, not even our loved ones. Limitations of action. We learn very rapidly in life that certain things are acceptable and others are not. We think things are unfair. Why are bad things happening to us? Why can’t we do the things we want to do? We learn there are consequences to our actions, that action causes reaction and we are in the highest sense responsible for our actions. We learn to do the right things at the right times so we are socially acceptable. Our parents are a great help in this regard. We do unto others as we would have them do unto us. These are the beginning insights into the cosmic law of karma, cause and effect. They are also the beginnings of our natural sense of justice and fairness. There is pride in knowing we have earned the rewards we get in life. Sadly generations of children are being raised without learning that their actions have natural consequences. Parents over protect their children and let them get away with things. How can children be expected to know how to behave when they turn eighteen if mom or dad always comes to the rescue? Limitations of emotions. This deals directly with our strongest personal desires. Often we want things so badly we would do or give anything to achieve them. We feel hurt, anger and helplessness when they are taken out of our reach. We WANT these things and we can’t have them. This is especially true in relationships that involve other people. In time we learn to desire things that are within our grasp and our abilities. It is very important our sights are aimed high early because otherwise we will lose our desire to succeed in life. Unfortunately many parents have killed the higher ambitions in their children by not giving them the emotional support they need when they need it. This is often during the critical teenage years. Personal limitations. Now we deal with the limitations of our own newly developing ego. We realize our perceived shortcomings. Life is not fair. Why is my nose so big? Why am I so fat? Why am I so tall? Does any of this sound familiar? We come face to face with what we have been given in life and react with intense personal dissatisfaction. As we mature hopefully we grow above these things and accept ourselves as we are. Learning to love ourselves goes hand in hand with believing in our abilities. This means to expose ourselves to life and be successful in our own eyes. We are Gods and Goddesses Here we ponder what it would be like to live for ever and ever. As children we feel immortal and nothing can harm us. Life is huge and just goes on and on. We have no control over this at all. Awareness just goes on and on and on. We have a destiny to fulfill whether we want to or not. We believe we are important and have an important part to play in the universe. Some children are told they will be judged according to their deeds and sentenced to heaven or hell upon death. Others exposed to reincarnation at an early age will see karma as a wheel of life where we are born again and again until we get some meaningless lesson right. It is easy to feel helpless and small as we consider these forces of destiny. Right and Wrong. Here we deal with our desire for revenge and the destruction of the wicked. We know through our parents and others the difference between right and wrong. We try to do the right things and God help those who are doing the wrong things. We are on their case in an instant. As children we tattle and as adults we turn others in to the authorities. We feel a strong desire for reward and recognition because we are doing the RIGHT things. We also fear the pain and humiliation of punishment. We’ re given an early understanding of life. We have now mastered the fundamentals. The stories and dogmas have been read to us. Our questions have been answered and our thoughts carefully directed to conform with the wisdom of our elders. In their infinite wisdom they assure us there is nothing more to learn. Our education is over and we can take our place as adults even if we don’t feel like adults. We do this through ceremonies such as confirmation, baptism, and graduation. There is a strong sense of stagnation and we no longer question the way things are. Sadly many adults seem to be stuck at this stage of ego development. Death. People die, animals die, plants die and we have a growing realization that we too will someday die. It is inevitable. What happens after we die? Where do we go? Is there life without the physical body? Does it hurt to die? Are ghosts real and can they hurt us? Our parents and churches tell us we will go to heaven. They tell us heaven is the most beautiful place we can imagine. But they also tell us about hell and damnation. If we do not believe certain things and do certain things we will go straight to hell with eternal agony and torment. We need to save our immortal soul by not doing things our bodies want us to do. We learn to not trust our own bodies and instincts. We learn to die Zelator Degree When is the last time you have been passionate and excited about a cause? When have you believed in something so strongly that you became a zealot? Have you ever been “born again”? As we mature and confront reality we also deal with lower emotional baggage. This level is the awakening of the conscience. Normally this development takes place around ten or twelve years of age. I was fourteen when it happened to me. Sadly it might never take place in some cases. The development of our ego can not continue in a healthy manner until this stage is completed. Most of us have a conscience but we might not always listen to it. This degree has two levels of thought. In the first part of this degree we hear the voice of our conscience and either ignore it or give lip service to spiritual and noble goals. We have good intentions but identify with our physical body and human ego. We feel unworthy to have the things we desire. We go to church on Sunday but keep falling short of our own expectations. In religious terms we don’t want to sin but we still do. Every day we do things over and over again that we are ashamed of and despair. We are sinners. We are unworthy. We think evil thoughts. Heavy feelings of guilt and self loathing are encountered at this level of thought. A powerful force digs up our deepest subconscious psychic contents and exposes them openly to us. We are brought face to face with every word we ever regretted, every thought we were ashamed of. We feel little more than animals mindlessly reacting to physical and emotional stimulus. We are brought face to face with the mirror of our soul. We don’t care if God/dess forgives us because we can’t forgive ourselves. This is a very hard time and many flee in terror at what they see in the mirror. They spend the rest of their lives in misery, guilt and shame, hating themselves and dreading the day they must face their final reward. This is the crisis point of the Zelator degree that must be crossed. Once we have crossed this point we hear the call “repent sinner”. We change our lives and live differently. We no longer identify with our physical body. Instead we identify with our immortal body that lives on after death. “He who believes shall never die.” “You must be born again into a new spiritual body.” “You must be saved.” These are the messages we hear at this critical stage of ego development. Our conscience is erupting and when we are ready to listen huge changes take place in our lives. There is a mental shift where life becomes a test and trial that is necessary to pass before we earn eternal salvation. If we can look in the mirror and do the best we can every day the inner voice of our conscience will forgive us for the errors we make. Most importantly we learn to forgive ourselves. As we accept the inner voice of our conscience and strive to follow it we grow spiritually. In this second level we are “born again”. We identify with a spiritual body or soul that is immortal. We get excited about the idea of living forever. Because the ego is self-centered there is a feeling of separateness from others that occurs along with the joy of being “saved”. There is a sense of isolation and terrible loneliness that is bitter-sweet. We want others to experience what we have. It is hard to accept that others may not agree with us. We are forever alone with a unique personal perspective and path meant only for us. When we try to share this perspective we can’t and this realization is devastating. The things that are so important to us simply do not matter to others. They laugh and ridicule us. Still this loneliness is the result of distorted thinking. We are never really alone because the entire universe is always a part of us and we are a vital part of it. Others don’t need to follow our path. They need to follow their path. Our realization and experience of being “born again” causes us to weep for the loneliness and suffering of humanity. So much misery does not need to exist. People don’t understand what they are missing. At this point we develop compassion in our hearts for others. As we share our message and interact with others we become less lonely. Our sharing becomes more mental as the material world becomes less important. Slowly concepts gain strength and reality over our lives. We live through conscious intent and will instead of passing fancy. As this happens the emotions lose their control over our lives. We gain control over them and repress them until they are almost non existent. As this happens we depend more and more upon reason and logic. This is a very painful period because we sense the coming death of the emotions. Life is no longer as fun as it once was. We have lost our “inner child”. Life without emotions is no longer life. Practicus Degree In this degree we struggle with the problem of how to be both body and spirit. In the last stage of ego development we discovered our spiritual nature and determined it was the most important. Now we are trying to live in the correct way. We have been won over to the cause and now it feels like we have been a abandoned. Our false human ego is still identifying with our physical body but at the same time holds up rigid idealistic standards for itself and for others to live by. Here we have puppy love. We establish role models and become hero worshipers. We have expectations for finding the perfect wife, the perfect husband, the perfect home, and the perfect job. We set our standards so high no one can fill them. Then we hate ourselves because of our failure. These standards are mental concepts that are not integrated into physical reality. They are unworkable. We have entered the realm of logic and reason and the human ego is no longer supreme. The ideal, representing logic and reason is now supreme. Although they rule our lives logic and reason are unable to get at truth. The answers we get bring more questions. This turns into a vicious circle that rapidly gets out of control until we finally learn to stop asking questions. Logic and reason distort things. We are no longer sure of what is good and evil, sin and salvation, or illusion and reality. Our head begins to spin and our overworked intellect feels inadequate. In desperation we trust our intuition and conscience instead. The intellect can sense it’s approaching death even as the emotions did earlier. It feels threatened as it desperately tries to grapple with things and understand them. We find ourselves in an intellectual fog where the only voice of sanity and reason lies with unquestioning faith. We identify more and more with our intuitions, with the Christ spirit within us and faith in the inner voice of our conscience. As we do this our intellect is screaming at us to stop. It is trying to tell us what we are doing is insane and makes no sense at all. Trusting our intuitions and the inner voice of our conscience brings the birth of a higher level of consciousness. We think not with words but with the symbols given in our dreams and meditations. Our thought processes are more abstract and visual. There are no words for what we are thinking. The first stage is an uncomfortable struggle with logic and reason. The second stage of this degree brings the decline of the intellect and the true birth of intuition. We trust our intuition above all other things. We develop a great spiritual pride that our inner self has won over the intellect and physical self. This is a very dangerous time for us! We have a true feeling of accomplishment thinking we are one of the great adepts. We have little desire to try further but are content to stay right where we are. This is a great spiritual plateau and we must beware the poison of spiritual pride. This level marks the boundary between consciousness and higher-consciousness. Our new consciousness with absolute faith in the intuitive self is still untamed, it is a beast. It is still joined to the lower personality and to the physical body. The spiritual vision is distorted and our intuitive self is hindered in its attempts to communicate with us. The intuitive self rules but it is an uneasy rule indeed. Philosophus Degree We find joy , peace and inspiration in mental travels and daydreams as we build a bridge of communication between our intuitive self and objective consciousness. There are three progressive levels in the Philosophus degree that occur naturally. The first level is the realm of mentally traveling in imagination through time and space. This is the realm of avid readers and bookworms, especially readers of science fiction and fantasy. This is also the realm of heavy daydreaming. Our mind is constantly chattering away and we are enjoying it. This is a summary of all the previous levels and a great sense of peace and joy is found in loosing one’s self in imagination and creativity. The Philosophus lets his or her imagination run wild as he or she explores all aspects of physical life and what could be. Anything and everything is possible. This stage begins the death of the lower human ego because the mental world is becoming more real than the physical world. There is a growing sense that all is one and the cares and worries of the distant world become vague and unreal. We are starting to become head trippers. We are drawn toward abstract thoughts and spirituality. The spiritual life seductively begins to lure the Philosophus with promises of great treasures and rewards. More and more time is spent in mental pursuits until all of his/her free time and energy is caught up in this type of activity. Material and worldly affairs suffer as we become careless. Our relationships with family and friends disintegrate and we weep bitterly at losing these things but we can’t help ourselves and continue living in our heads. In the second level of this degree we feel and appreciate the things we have lost in our mental pursuits. We feel them because they are no longer there and we miss them. Our bridge of communication with our intuitive self is not being built very fast and the cost we are paying is very high. Mental pursuits are no longer as fun and take on an aspect of desperation. We explore the mystery of toil and the virtues of labor through intense study. In desperation we turn our vast creative energies exclusively to labor and study to build that bridge as soon as possible. We recognize only then will we know our true path in life. Our efforts meet with failure after failure as we struggle to manifest what is in our heads. Trial and error are the ways to turn our ideas into actual experiences. We consider one occupation after another and test it for intuitive approval. Time and time again our intuitive self says “no, this is not it”. Little by little we learn about ourselves by discovering what is hidden in our blind spots. Do we like to draw or work with people or perhaps write. What we should draw. Should we be commercial artists? Architects? Pure Artists? Comic book illustrators? Children’s books? What should we write? Poems? Stories? Magazine articles? Political speeches? Possibly we should translate books from one language into another. Slowly but surely our intuitive self guides us on a voyage of self-discovery where the goal is not as important as the journey is. Through trial and error we see our labors as a process of self unfoldment and self-expression. We are in a gradual process of evolution and constant change and so is the entire universe. It is through living and suffering that we learn wisdom. We see all parts of the universe are working together as a big system and each individual’s part is very important. We see there is a specific path or place for us to fill and we can sense the importance of it. Intuitively we comprehend the entire universe oscillates between states of potential and kinetic energy. We started out as passive spiritual beings of pure potential, divine sparks of light. Then we descended into physical bodies of pure kinetic energy, all motion. Now we realize we are once more returning to the spiritual realms of pure potential energy. We are on the path of return to Source. We can use our abilities and become co-creators as God has always intended us to be. In the third level of this degree we have a dramatic change in viewpoint. We think about being co-creators of the universe and Masters of our own lives. We contemplate ways to harness the energies of the higher planes and use them in the physical world. As we strive to bring these intuitive insights into physical focus we pour increased vigor and vitality into our studies. It becomes critical to build our bridge of perfect understanding between our intuitive self, the Christ spirit within us, and our conscious awareness. We think about ideas and concepts without awareness of self or identity or ego. Form and formless merge into each other as we consider pure abstractions. Thought constructs become things that have a life and awareness of their own. We sense the entire universe is alive in some way and aware of our efforts. Our consciousness becomes an eye that can see where ever it chooses. We see matter and spirit as valid realities. We become obsessed with the completion of our spiritual bridge. Our intensity borders on the very edge of insanity and we are driven. Nothing else matters to us at this point. We are driven by the seductive golden dream of what could be. Adeptus Minor Degree The Adeptus Minor is gaining insights and inspirations at regular intervals. Bits and pieces of abstract cosmic revelations are gathered one by one. At this point these scattered fragments have no rhyme or rhythm to them and they defy all attempts to make sense out of them. The Adeptus Minor continues the philosophical study of pure abstractions and archetypal images. They are attempting to build a mental understanding of the cosmic realm from the bits and pieces received. The goal is to create a perfect reflection of the cosmic realm, a mirror image inside that reflects the world outside. However, the developing image is very distorted. Existence appears as total annihilation. The Adeptus Minor recognizes they are a long way out into mental space and all alone. There are no familiar landmarks and the entire region seems an abomination full of horror and madness. Insanity is lurking around the corner. There is no color, no sound and no form. Nothing is sacred. It is a realm where only ideas and more ideas keep coming and have no where to go. The Adeptus Minor still identifies with their physical body and human ego. If they are Christian they come face to face with their higher self or angelic body. This is the part of them that continues on in awareness after the physical body dies. They realize this angelic body is more a part of their true self than the false human ego. The person exposed to the concept of reincarnation comes face to face with his or her reincarnating ego. The real self that lives from lifetime to lifetime. Physical life in the present body is seen as meaningless, a mere puppet following the prompting of a predetermined destiny. Past and future lives are seen as all occurring at the same time. There is a strong sense of time and destiny flowing together. A shift of identity is needed to properly assimilate these new parts of the self. The Adeptus Minor must shift their identity from ego to super ego. The viewpoint must shift from a single human being to a multi-dimensional personality. The second stage of this degree is when this shift of viewpoint occurs. The world and universe appear as a tremendous spinning wheel or machine with little sense or purpose. This wheel is both seductive and deceptive. The Adeptus Minor now has the ability to perceive both the big cosmic picture and the material world at the same time. If their belief system permits they also gain the ability to perceive multi-dimensional life lines, probable realities, past lives, future lives and probable selves blending together and exerting subtle influences upon each other. This level corresponds to the so called akashic records of mystical thought and psychic ability. Humanity is seen as evolving spiritually from the rim toward the center. We are all moving back toward “Source”. As the Adeptus Minor perceives the subtle blending of all these influences moving together in harmony they understand the karmic need for violence, bloodshed and death. Good fights evil, life fights death and all progress must be individually earned. Where harmony does not exist violence is the only means for awareness to leap across the chasm and assure the greater harmony of the whole. No Adept can give insight to another. However, they can give initiation to another if the student is properly prepared and ready for it. This is one of the duties of the Adeptus Minor. They are developed in understanding to the point where they are able to plant seed thoughts into the receptive minds of those ready for it. They become spiritual teachers. Initiation implies a drastic change and totally new outlook on life. True initiation is within the mind and emotional nature of the student and the Adeptus Minor is in a position to say the correct thing at the correct time based upon insights gained from personal experience. Adeptus Major Degree Blindly intoxicated by the elixir of the gods the Adeptus Major enters the vault of preparation. At least that’s what the old alchemical texts say. In modern terms we might say he or she is going around the bend. This stage is crucifixion and sacrifice. The inspired bits and pieces from the intuitive self form dimly perceived patterns. The Adeptus Major gets very excited about these “spiritual truths”. A new way of thinking is arising out of these fragments and is understandable as far as it goes. Fascinated by this perception of “truth” the Adeptus Major commits the sacrifice of believing in their own visions rather than what physical reality says or demands. They identify exclusively with their higher self and their visions. The Adeptus Major is free of personal desires, emotions, thoughts, regrets and attachments. Only one thing matters. Perfect union with the divine. They have lost themselves in their passion for mystical experience. To others the Adeptus Major has become a thing of wood with no emotional nature. Close friends, relatives, and family members are hurt and confused by the distance between themselves and the Adeptus Major. They do not live in the same world and can’t reach their loved one .The Adeptus Major is so heavenly bound they are no earthly good. The Adeptus Major next enters into a deep understanding of cause and effect. The smallest pebble creates ripples that travel throughout the entire universe. Everything that happens affects every other thing. All reality is seen as relative. Occurrences are the result of many small causes and not one big one. This is very compatible with modern chaos theory. Everything is grey. All is in motion. Good and evil, right and wrong become meaningless concepts. Moral values are imposed by man and not by God/dess. All is pure existentialism. What you see is what you get. The universe is self evident and everything is right in plain view if we can only see it! All things contain a passive element and an active element that must be balanced. Logic and reason are destroyed. They come to realize all things can logically be proven to be the best that ever happened or the worst that ever happened. Truth is relative. Values are real only to those that perceive them. At this stage the Adeptus Major confronts their karmic load and understands what must be done to become karma free. The Adeptus Major knows they are a spiritual being. Their all-consuming goal is perfect realization of the divine Christ spirit within them and complete harmony with their conscience. By now the spiritual realms are revealed in their entirety. They have developed an incredibly perceptive “Christ Consciousness” and an understanding of their life’s work. Unfortunately they perceive the goal but can’t reach it. Physical reality fights against them. They feel objective consciousness as an unruly beast that refuses to go where it is directed. It is badly in need of discipline. In real terms they don’t know how to physically manifest their vision and become very frustrated. Gradually they work through false thinking and confront the realities of daily life. Hard work each day brings new freedom from the chains of cause and effect. They may appear quite irrational and fear they are going insane. They may fear but their spiritual lust and intoxication drive them to plunge into spiritual oblivion. Spiritual oblivion takes the form of intense joy and spiritual bliss. Life is a great joy and dance that needs no other purpose than itself. This mental state is called dancing in the light. The intense harmony holds them spell bound. With joy they realize they are not going insane after all. There is a physical, material purpose to what they are doing. In joy they unite the physical and spiritual within themselves and work toward a united purpose. They are enthused about the great things they are doing even though no one else understands them. Adeptus Exemptus Degree Mental energy can only be taken so far and these adepts have reached the outer limits. Do you know what happens when your mind fails? These people have left the world of form, the material world and live entirely in their heads. They are dead to the physical world and move about conducting their worldly affairs like zombies. When viewed from the purely physical point of view these people would be considered insane or severely troubled. They are emotionless, stern, solemn and constantly caught up in their own thoughts. They are not really there. The Adeptus Exemptus has eliminated all personal desire and lust for life. There is a strong feeling of death and stagnation. They no longer have any desire for creativity. They live in total self absorbed darkness. Even the desire for Spiritual light is absent. Detached from their surroundings and from themselves, they are completely folded in upon themselves. They have gone too far and there is no going back. They see nothing, hear nothing, and say nothing. All of their energy has gone inward in a total effort of spiritual selfishness. They seek only personal salvation and care nothing about others. They have no compassion or feeling at all. They are people that have used yoga, magic, meditation or prayer for personal gain and nothing can reach them. Now they are exploring the darker areas of their souls. They have gone too far and realize they are in trouble. In a desperate attempt to remain sane they freeze and try not to move in any direction at all. If the Adeptus Exemptus has started their quest with compassion and concern for others karma will carry them forward into the temple of the Great White Brotherhood. This level emphasizes the importance of human compassion and concern for others. It represents the desire to help others with no thought for personal reward. People at this level are known as Avatars, Mahatmas…ect. During this level a Master will appear and perform the baptism of the holy Christ spirit. The bridge between God/dess and conscious awareness has been built enough for the Christ spirit to descend in the form of a sacred baptism and initiation. Those who refuse to share in the Great work can go no further. They have nothing to live for. All they have is a huge ego that shuts them off from others. They work only for personal gain and belong to the Black Brotherhood. They fear the abyss and death of the personal ego that lies ahead of them. Members of the White Brotherhood recognize compassion for others is a sacred duty and holy trust. Spiritual selfishness must be eliminated with the death of the false ego. This degree is about the death of the false ego. They stand on the brink of the Great Abyss. There is a sense of impending doom as the last bit of false ego cries out for survival. This is the brink of human consciousness. They are virtually at the very edge of their minds. Logic and Reason can not go beyond this point. There is a strong feeling of tension. There is expectation of an important event but nothing happens. The tension is unbearable with a tug of war between pure spirit and matter. They are drawn toward God/dess across the abyss but fear the death of the ego because the ego can not cross. They have tasted union with the holy spirit at their baptism and now desire to merge with God/dess. But the spiritual bridge will not allow conscious awareness to cross it. Finally their deep longing wins and they plunge into the Great Abyss. They take this plunge again and again until the false ego is totally destroyed. Their personality is no more. There is no sense of self. It takes courage and determination to achieve a permanent union with God/dess. It requires long hard work and the spiritual bridge will only allow short moments of union with God/dess at a time. It will only allow brief glimpses, thoughts, and inspirations. Still the Adeptus Exemptus acquires the ability to achieve these insights at will and the day comes when their awareness will cross the abyss for brief periods at a time. The feeling of crossing the Abyss is indescribable. They plunge into the arms of the great Cosmic Mother. They are surrounded in love and all embracing feminine warmth. They loose ourselves in holy bliss and rapture because they have truly achieved salvation. They know that spirit is reality and matter is illusion. This is the spiritual dawning of a new day and a new sense of self and awareness. This is the “Golden Dawn”. Magister Templi Degree In this degree the adept achieves the highest mystical state known to man. This has been called “Crossing the Great Abyss”, “Cosmic Consciousness” and “Christ Consciousness”. Their awareness merges permanently with the collective intelligence of the human race. They achieve a state of transcendence and unity. The Magister Templi has achieved the Golden Dawn and prepares for the Holy Marriage with the Christ spirit. They realize their own divinity and understand their life’s work. They complete and perfect the spiritual bridge. They also complete a mirror image, the microcosm back on the mental plane. This creates a perfect bridge of understanding allowing constant communication between the mental and the spiritual planes. The Magister Templi has completed the Holy Tree of Life within. The trunk and branches are solid channels for spiritual energies. The roots are buried in the mysterious earth and thick leaves cover branches reaching up to the stars. This analogy means the Magister Templi has constructed a personal belief system that allows them to function at will on the spiritual plane and the mental plane. They enter into the plane of spiritual love. Here they find self love and love of others. They see others as mere illusions or extensions of themselves. They perceive they are real and all else is illusion. They are a drop of spirit slipping into a great spiritual sea where they seek to loose themselves. Somehow they must rise above these feelings and recognize others as real. Their task becomes helping others on their spiritual journey. This is the way of return to the physical world. All karmic residue becomes ashes here for the white adept. Their karma has been consumed and they become liberated. The Adept learns there is no supreme Deity except the one within themselves. All truth is unknowable and replaced by realized truth. This is revealed by the Christ Spirit a little at a time. Each adept must seek their own truth deep within themselves. This is an individual journey. The adept sees the forces of Chaos and Order locked in eternal struggle. The male energy represents Expansive Chaos and their will to change the physical world. They aspire to become co-creators with God/dess. The female energy represents Restrictive Order and the way things are now. Together they manifest all levels below this one. The duality that creates the universe is perceived. It is a balance of expansion and restriction. The Magister Templi becomes an agent of Chaos to achieve their own personal desires and the upliftment of humanity. They desire to change the way things are. Physical reality resists them fiercely and they are stripped of all power and attainment. This is the curse of this grade and the mystery of “Sorrow”. The physical world seeks to “eject” them Magus Degree The Magus is ready to return back to ordinary physical existence. They have learned outer reality is intimately connected to inner subjective reality. They have achieved real wisdom and gained recognition of their own level of achievement and mastery. They have integrated their spiritual nature and now need to integrate their shadow aspect. The Magus becomes the legendary philosopher’s stone which transmutes all that come in contact with it. They are a circle whose center is nowhere and whose circumference is everywhere. They are who or what they choose to identify with. Here the Magus learns to consciously control self at all levels of existence. They reawaken the emotions and the physical body. They regain control over their surroundings and pursue their true purpose in life. Like the artist that is completely free to paint what they choose, the Magus can do as they choose in life as long as they allow others the same freedom. Life becomes a true joy and an expression of self through all levels. Their duty and purpose in life is to be themselves. By doing this they transmute all that come in contact with them and inspire people to a higher level of living. The Magus is not all knowing or all powerful. They are only as knowledgeable and powerful as their belief system allows them to be. This is the real secret of their power and ability. Their belief system is open ended and harmonious at all levels. They can learn as much about any thing as they wish before going on to something else. Their belief system is all inclusive. It includes the entire cosmos. This belief system is entirely integrated. It is like a hologram in which each part contains every other part. The things the Magus can not comprehend are considered non-self and there is a powerful attraction between what they know and what they wish to know. Learning is an area of intense bliss and the Magus will joyously spend their life learning all they can about physical reality. They have traveled through the different levels of awareness and now long to become those levels. This is the indescribable experience of non-duality or total union with God/dess. There is a sense of gentle loving and sharing that completely fills them. They are the key or microcosm and the universe or macrocosm is the lock. The key is all they are capable of knowing and the lock is all that is possible to become. As the microcosm becomes more like the macrocosm, the Magus gains power and strength from the fabric of the cosmos. They use this power to achieve their ultimate purpose. In their struggle to reintegrate with physical reality the Magus is active on all planes activating a causal link between astral/etheric reality and physical reality. Physical reality continues to stubbornly resist their efforts but gives way and they move forward anyway. The Magus is exploring the mystery of Change and how to achieve his/her true destiny. For everyone that has not achieved this degree of awareness life consists of one step forward and one step backward with a zero-sum gain. That is why it is so hard to get anywhere without compromising who you are or what you desire. The Magus uses both sides of his nature to make each step move forward in an unstoppable manner toward the desired goal. For the Magus the shadow self and the spiritual self work together toward a common goal under the direction and rulership of the true human ego. Ipsissimus Degree When the Magus is ready to achieve the highest region of spirit and the first stages of non-duality they become an Ipsissimus. This is the highest stage of psychological and ego development known to the ancients. In this degree all of the energies, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual are integrated in complete harmony. In addition the Ipsissimus has also returned back to physical reality and become integrated with the energies of the earth and with the energies of society. They become a little child or babe, the son or daughter of God. This is the level achieved by Jesus. At this stage conscious awareness and intuitive awareness are one and the same. They encompass all things at will. This is the highest level man can enter and return in the physical body to talk about. They have found their true path and follow their destiny. Being and doing converge as much as human life will allow. The Ipsissimus is as free as it is possible to be as long as they do what they were born to do. There is no discord or inner tension, only complete joy and peace as they recognize their divinity. Eastern religions talk of the creation of the “immortal physical body”. When this body is created the ordinary physical body is discarded or transformed and no longer needed. The Gods and Goddesses of all religions were once normal humans that achieved this degree and became divine or immortal. This has always been the true goal of the secret teachings within any religion. |
| Chapter 13-Dirk Later he kidded Rafe about being beaten by Angel but Rafe wasn’t in a good mood about it and changed the subject quickly. “Hey you remember the dark haired girl that initiated you?”, Rafe asked. “Yeah, what about her?” “Her name is Misty and she only needs one more fight”. “I already knew that. I was talking to Angel about her last week. I thought maybe you had something new about her”. “Not really but she is kind of fun to talk to. I wouldn’t want to fight her though”, Rafe joked. “Pretty soon babies will start challenging me and then I might win once in awhile.” “You will get your turn Rafe. Don’t worry so much about it. Angel said you almost beat her.” “She did?” Rafe eyed him hopefully. “What else did she say?” “I wasn’t even supposed to say that”, Tobal shrugged. “You were just feeling so down I thought I had to say something. I know I’m really going to have trouble fighting when it’s my turn. Still I try not to think about it any more than I need to.” “How long do you do guard duty for the initiations anyway?” He asked to change the subject. “This is going to be my last month”, Rafe said. “Then I’ll get some other duty. Did you know we lost two Apprentices already this month?” “What do you mean ‘Lost?”, Tobal asked curiously. “I thought the medics looked out for all of us .” “Oh, I don’t mean they got lost in the woods or died”, Rafe corrected. “I mean they got fed up and headed back to civilization before winter set in.” “People can leave?”, Tobal asked in surprise. “Sure”, this is a voluntary program and you can leave anytime you want. There is nothing keeping you here except two hundred miles of wilderness. Remember New Seattle is only a hundred and fifty miles straight south of here. You can make that in three or four days pretty easy.” “I had forgotten all about that." Tobal said. “Do people take time off and go to the city once in awhile for fun?” “It’s not allowed”, Rafe said. “If you get out of range of the air sleds and they can’t monitor your med-alert bracelet you are considered to have quit the program and need to start all over from scratch. Each year someone finds that out the hard way. Most of the times a medic will stop you and give you a warning though.” Changing the subject Tobal asked, “How’s Dirk doing anyway? I feel real bad about what happened last month at Melanie’s initiation. I should have warned her or something.” “No, people aren’t supposed to know what’s going to happen. Dirk is doing fine and his wound is healing fine. That whole thing was just bad luck, that’s all. Dirk’s a good sport and taking it pretty well even though some of the kids are razzing him.” Circle that month was eventful, Tobal had never seen eight people get initiated at the same time. The initiations started early and they continued late into the night. Everyone was tired and the party didn’t get going until well after midnight. After the initiations the drum circle began and it was party time. In all it was a good time and the night went by very fast. It was early August and the sight of naked bodies dancing wildly around the central fire was as intoxicating as the home brewed beer. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Important Notice: I will be closing this account around the middle of this month. If you are interested in continuing with this story do a google search for anarchistic knights-a serialadventure and hook up to another location. This location is simply not drawing the readership to continue to pay for the services. I have other blogs that I need to upgrade to handle the web traffic. http://anarchistknight.bravejournal.com for example draws an average of over 200 readers per day and http://serialadventures.eponym.com does almost as well. The lesson I have learned here is that a community of writers is not a good place to get your material read! bright blessings -anarchistbanjo |
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