Untitled Vampire Comedy Chapter One

Chapter 1

Later that night, the trio staggered back to their woodland hideout, Lithia and Rachelle supporting a drunken Moose.
They dropped him on the grassy floor. He groaned,
“Owww my head. I think I had a bit too much to drink.”
Lithia was fuming,
“A bit? A bit too much? You drained 18 fucking drunks you freaking moron! I said a snack! Not a fucking gourmet meal!!!”
Moose groaned again and rolled over,
“Are you even listening to me? Moose? Moose? MOOSE! Oh great now he’s asleep. Well there goes my sex for tonight. Idiot!”
THUD! Lithia spun round with a start as Rachelle’s head rolled towards her feet,
“Jeezus girl! Can’t you control that damn thing!”
Rachelle staggered towards her head, picked it up and started to sew it back on.
“Sorry Lith it’s just all that shouting made me all scared and emotional, then you mentioned sex and well its been so long since I’ve had any and well I got upset, You know how I get.”
“Yeah yeah whatever. You don’t half go on you know. I’m tired and it’s nearly dawn. I’m gonna drag Moose into the cave and go to sleep. Do me a favour? Take Nikoleena for a walk, she hasn’t been out all night and you know how restless she gets.”
“Is that all I am to you? A fucking lackey?”
“Pretty much”
Rachelle’s ear tumbled to the floor,
“That really hurts! I don’t even like that mangy old dog, last time I walked her she ran off with my leg, it was all chewed up when I got it back and she drooled on it.”
“First, she’s a wolf not a dog and second she was only playing with you. I think she likes you!”
“Well the feeling certainly isn’t mutual!”
“Look just shut up and take her for a walk will ya!”
“Fine! But I hope that you are aware of the emotional trauma you are causing me!”
“Sure whatever.”
Rachelle wandered off into the woods with a huge grey wolf as Lithia dragged Moose into a small cave nearby. She rolled a large stone across the entrance, just as the sun began to rise over the tops of the trees. Behind her Moose had woken up and proceeded to throw up in the corner of the cave. Lithia sighed,
“If you think I’m cleaning that fucking mess up you’ve got another think coming!”
She lay down in her coffin, which was perched on a flat piece of rock in the middle of the cave, and went to sleep.