Sorry My Lovely

To the only woman I have truly loved.


This will be my last letter I will write and it is to you I turn to yet again. I have spent days pondering on how I should ask you to do what I want

First of all, I need to say that I am sorry for what I have done in the past. I know I will never be able to make it up to you and because of this I am not sure if you will do what I am going to ask of you, but I trust no one else.

When you get this letter I will no longer be around and this is what I desire. I hope to be buried and would like you to make sure that this is carried out. Don't worry everything is arranged and paid for; I made sure of that as soon as I was told about my illness. You know me, always the one to be organized.

That was one of the things you found annoying about me wasn't it my dear? I could never be as adventurous or as spontaneous as you. I'm sorry about that my darling, but it was just my way, you never could understand that of me could you?
Remember that day out you arranged for me at Silverstone, to drive a Formula 1 car. I went crazy? Said what a waste of money, but it wasn't that, I would have loved to have driven that car, but, oh! I don't know call it lack of courage, what ever you like, I just couldn't bring myself to get in to it, let alone drive it, all because I had not arranged it, silly isn't it.

When I was first told about my illness I spent days' trying to come to terms with it, with the fact that it was going to kill me. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to come to the decision that I didn't want you around to see me fade away, I know it was painful for you to go, thinking I didn't love you, but it was just as painful for me my lovely to do those things I did. All those fights and rows I would start, thinking it was the only way to push you from me, when all I wanted to do was to hold you in my arms, to smell the perfume of your hair. I long to kiss your lips and see that sparkle in your eyes, but I couldn't let you stay. I hated the thought of you ever seeing me like the shadow of the man I once was.
After you left I hated myself for the pain I had put you through, forgive me my darling, but I thought sending you away would be less painful than watching me fade away. Now that my time is drawing near I know I was wrong, it has been more painful for me to suffer with this thing eaten away at me, and to be on my own than I ever thought possible. Would it have been easier with your love and tender care? I don't know, I do know I have missed you so, but now it's too late.

I hated it when you found some-one else to take my place, but then I couldn't really blame you could I, after all, I was the one who sent you away. I will never know if you already had this person waiting in the wings, or if he happen to come along at the right time, but as long as he makes you happy that is all I can ask of him.

Don't worry about a thing my lawyer has instructions to give you the key and code number to my deposit box. All the information you will need is in there. Yes I did have one, sorry about that, but I had to make sure I had enough money to bury me; all that is left is yours.

Once again please forgive me for all the pain I have put you through, I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't want to hurt you. I guess even if I had not sent you away, you would have hurt my illness.

Until we meet again in our next life.
Goodbye and farewell my lovely.

Joe.