Fear and Hope

My mind, my body, and my soul all feel like an unwanted effigy. There’s complete and realistic emptiness throughout my living carcass. Loneliness and depression can be a death sentence. What, if anything, can fill this void?

Is it from this unexplained un-comprehended loneliness? Or would you rather I say dissolution or desolateness. Or can it be from an unrequited love? Like a vulture scouring the desert for it’s weakened dying prey, I hunger for love, for wisdom, for guidance, for peace of mind, for relaxation in life that one may achieve in death or near death.

Self-realization can be a harsh deathblow to the very center of one’s existence. The demons stir every night to over-take the weak-minded. Should one of a simplistic mind succumb to their haunting and enter the wasteland of eternal darkness? Or rather pose another question? What drives the unworthy or the inherent to push forward and strive to excel in whatever it is they do?

My first response would be maternal instinct. The sense of reason is that the offspring can quench the thirst for happiness and fulfillment. In retrospect, if one is not happy with thy own self then how can they instill happiness and strength in their offspring? How can one bring laughter if they do not laugh? Do they facilitate a mirage for the sake of others? For laughter can be as melodic as a gentle violin in a harmonious orchestra?

The second response correlates to the fear of the unknown. Here in this mortal life, a person knows to expect, hardship and darkness along with its advocate. Whereas in the after-life, no one is 100% certain that it will be as glorious as one has been conditioned to believe in. There is always some level of uncertainty. Any scientist would proclaim, “The theory must be proven with the highest level of certainty.” Then the reasoning behind that poses another question.

Should one be allowed to hope? Hoping can be a dangerous as its counterpart the ever-relenting victorious hopelessness. Hope can drive the most lucid individual insane on the one belief that something better almost auspicious is awaiting the meek, the hard working, and even the irony of being the hopeless romantic.

In respect to the previous, I for one am that hopeless romantic scouring the world for love, wisdom, and guidance. I possess that maternal instinct that allows me to laugh and joke at life or rather put on a smiling facade. I fight the demons every night. Somehow by some miracle, my spiritless and damaged soul manages to horde off the evil one night at a time and remains in peace so that I may triumph in the latter. Saying that, I leave with one last question?

Does that make me strong or COWARDESS?

SUeMaDsCieNtIsT