Dancing on the Edge

Christ
it feels like
stars
are dancing
in my head
but I’m not dead
yet
thoughts race by at
a million miles an hour
and
I’m falling
if only I would
land safely
but
I’ve already crashed
into the ground
a thousand times
the pain
never stops
and
I can’t will it all away
anymore
it grows
until
it consumes my thoughts
and
I can’t breathe
I’m choking on nothing
and
the spider webs and secrets
inside my closet
will eat me alive
I can’t live
any longer than I
must
but I will
try
maybe
the angels of hell
are very convincing
they talk to me
whispers
in my heart
echoes
in my tears
and
I can’t think straight
I’m being crushed
under
the weight of the world
cries for help
echo off the
gates of heaven
they bounce back
and smack me in the face
I’m on the outside
looking in
I’m sinking
below the
surface
of grace
I
fall
out of the sky
like
a broken bird
and
I’m not sure
if I can
take it again
again
I wonder if
this is worth it all
every scar
every tear
every feeling
it’s never ending
at least
not
for
me.