Doras and Bobs and Boohbahs, oh my!

When I was a kid, the best thing to watch was “Barney”, the big purple dinosaur who would rather help some kids who couldn’t tie their own shoes than eat them for supper. Nowadays, we think that “Barney” is childish and stupid. Check out these new childish and stupid shows.

Bamanos! It’s “Dora the Explorer,” the Spanish gal who’s always on an adventure with her monkey friend Boots. Help Dora and Boots find their way to Dora’s house, because she can’t figure out how to get their on her own, by yelling, “map!” Come on? Do people really think kids are going to yell, “map” first thing in the morning? And I seriously doubt that kids are going to put their arms out and move them in a circular motion like they were paddling in a boat across crocodile creek, just to help Dora, a girl, may I remind you, who’s inside the television. But, Dora the dork’s not all bad. At least they got a nice spin-off show including Dora’s cousin Diego, who we’ve only met in a few episodes. “Go Diego Go”! Won’t you please go away?

Another show I’d love to see go away is “Bob the Builder.” “Can we fix it? No we can’t!” If you thought “Thomas the Talking Train” was bad, then you’re in for a rude awakening. “Bob the Builder” has all of the talking machines that Thomas had, but at least the talking train group didn’t have an annoying theme song! And yet it seems that kids all over the world get up bright and early to watch the show and scream, “Can we fix it? Yes we can!” I guess it invokes a positive thought that anything can be solved with a little teamwork and belief, but still? A talking bulldozer who’s afraid of his own shadow? Thomas had to worry about much worse things, like a cow on the tracks.

And lets not forget the new show from the creators of “Teletubbys” (as if THEY weren’t bad enough); little, fat, fuzzy things, with stubby arms and legs, eyes with no lids, and no mouth yet they still seem to be able to get out their names: Boobahs. If I were a child watching this new show I would be scarred for life. Supposedly, the little fluff monsters are atoms of light and energy that spend each episode solving problems with the help of a magic ball. In other words, for a whole half hour kids sit and watch these living balls of light and energy jump around and yell, “Boobahs!” Oh, sure they yell other things too. Just like their cousins, Tinkie-Winkie, Poe, Ditsy, and the other Martian Teletubby who’s not important enough to remember, they scream their names over and over again. Except this time, the names are much better: Humba, Zumba, Zing-zing-zingba, Chumba, and Dingba. Wow-ba. And, to top off a great episode of bumbling Boobahs, we get to watch them take a nap. Fun. I think I liked it better when the Teletubbies would finish an episode by jumping in and out of a random hole in the middle of a field while saying “bye-bye” ten hundred times.

So, there you have it. The three best shows for children to watch. Whether its yelling “map” and losing their voice for Dora, dancing to Bob’s maddening theme song, or wasting a half hour on bumbling bundles of Boohbahs, you know that they’re learning something. Right?