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A poem of regrets |
In a dream I saw Satan. Fat and unshaven he came for me, wearing a black tuxedo and red cummerbund. He took me down the hall to a room, one I didn't remember. There were no flames or smoldering heat; nothing to give fright. Just a dark room and a single light. "Do you remember?" He said. And in the light she appeared, and he was gone, out of sight and mind he went, and I was back in a moment that was long past. Seeing her as I did then, for the first and last time. Feeling as I did then, that she was, meant for me. She smiled, and the voices came. "She likes you." "She loves you." "She wants you." They said. And I knew they were right. They took me through a life, a life with her. One filled with joys that I never knew. They showed me all that was to be, and I knew it as truth. I smiled back, only slightly though, I don't know why. Though I knew what was to happen I could only say "hi" as I caught her eye, and could not stop my body from walking past. The voices enraged, shouted for me to stop, to do something, to say something. "Turn back!" "What are you doing!" "You spineless pussy!" They screamed. The onslaught I deserved lasted an eternity for they had no breath to lose nor throats to hoarse as they constantly reminded me of the life I had passed. Then they were gone and he was there in the back seat of car that I didn't know, Though the driver was familiar. "Do you see?" He said. As the driver turned and was me. But this was not a memory. I knew that for sure. I had never driven a Mercedes before. So we drove with me for a while. Pulling up to a building that I didn't remember, but saw that I knew where I was going. Then the voices were back and he was gone. "You dropped out!" "You quit!" "This could have been you." They said. Taking me this time to a place I did know. One I had been to many times before. My parents younger, stronger stood before me. "Your doing what!" My father yelled. Mother was only able to look worried. Again I tried to stop myself, but could only watch as the words came out. "I'm dropping out." I said, as thoughts of success swam through my head. "Stupid!" "Quitter!" "Your throwing your life away." The voices said, and again showed me a life I was to have; taunting and teasing me with it. With each choice I had they were there, staying to torment and ridicule the decisions I made. Then they left me with him, alone. We stood in the bathroom, my life a memory, a regret. "Their hell to live with, aren't they?" He said, as I woke. |