The title says it all, really. |
I feel this requires some explanation. I study Classical Greek, and I was recently lucky enough to go on a two-week course, during which time I read more Greek than I knew existed, and also took part in a fully staged performance of Aeschylus' "Agamemnon" in the original Greek, thus engendering a dangerously vigorous enthusiasm for ancient Greek drama. One of the other highlights of the course was the formation of "Piano Joe and the Greek Chorus": a barbershop quintet which sang for most of the course in glorious five-part harmony. I decided that, among our repertoire, we ought to have something Greek in theme, and, since I couldn't find anything pre-written, I decided to do the honours and write one myself! The plays I've abridged are, in order: Euripides' "Medea"; Euripides' "Suppliant Maidens"; Sophocles' "Oedipus"; Sophocles' "Antigone"; Aristophanes' "Lysistrata"; Euripides' "Bacchae"; Aeschylus' "Agamemnon"; Aristophanes' "Frogs"; Aristophanes' "Birds"; and Sophocles' "Electra". Ten Greek Plays in under Five Minutes Medea is a witch, in the literal sense When her husband walks off, she wants recompense She’s got a brain: she’s quite insane Bumps off her children for personal gain, but She’ll come back in a Deus Ex Machina, One play down, there’s nine to go! Suppliant Maidens stands out from the rest With the heroines’ attempts to avoid incest The concept doesn’t seem to bother all the other Greeks Their gene ocean’s shrinking to a genetic creek, For example: Oedipus took to new heights above The concept of familial love He was blind to his fate when he killed that king And now he’s blind to everything! His marriage to his mother was a terrible shame Brought all kinds of bad to the family name And who should continue his legacy But his daughter-slash-sister Antigone! Her brother-slash-uncle had done his number And she just wanted him six feet under With the king she had a tussle over who got the shovel So she said, ‘What the heck!” Hanged herself by the neck Left the whole sodding stage in a bit of a wreck… Four plays gone and six remain! Now there’s no way this song can please Without some Aristophanes A war, a plot, some phallus jokes, Some sexually frustrated blokes The rudest thing you’ve ever heard Is Lysistrata, in a word! Of all Greek plays, there must be one With some good old cross-dressing fun A bacchanal, a king in drag, His head ripped off by some old hag – Of course I’m speaking of his mother: The play’s the Bacchae: couldn’t be another! Oimoi, oimoi, Looks like Agamemnon’s dead: Serves him right, I never liked him, Three plays left! Dionysus pops up a second time Bickering with Xanthias in Attic rhyme Brekekekex, ko-ax, ko-ax Tragedians argue that standards are lax Euripides ousted, Aeschylus shouted Out “bottles of oil”, for no good cause Bringing cheers from the audience and copious applause While sat on the logs are armies of Frogs Singing “Brekekekex, so which play’s next?” A quick detour is now at hand To see the sights of Cloudcuckooland Or perhaps Cuckoonebulopolis: With nine plays down, we’re left with this: We have to end on a cheerful note With the grisliest play that was ever wrote Siblings united, crimes recited Blood, revenge and matricide (Makes a change from patricide) As far as dysfunctional families go Electra’s household’s in the know But it’ll all come right in the end With professional counselling and help from a friend How happy they’ll be at the end of the day When they’re most of them deader than JFK! The wisdom I try to impart, in all of which I speak Is that, if there’s blood, revenge, incest, or murder, Then chances are it’s Greek! |