The Million Dollar Call

The Million Dollar Call

“Is this Mr. Alvin Applebee?”

“Who’s this that wants to know?”

“Mr. Applebee, are you sitting down?”

“Why? Who is this?”

“This is Art Linkletter, Mr. Applebee. Have you ever heard of me? I’m calling for the Publisher’s…”

“Art Linkletter’s dead. I’m hanging up now.” Dang telemarketers!

“Did you lose another one, Art?”

“They hang up before they even hear what I have to say! Okay, here goes. ‘Hello, Mr. Applebee? Please don’t hang up. I have some good news ’”

“Oh, no you don’t. And don’t call back.”

“Just one more try, Herb.”

“Okay, but then you’ll have to go on to the next one.”

“I’ll make it this time. ‘Listen to me, Alvin. Publishers’ Clearing House has a check for you for one million….”

“Dagblast it! Quit calling my number, you scam artist!”

“Honey, I’m home. Who was that on the telephone? I kept trying to call you but the line was busy.”

“Just some doggone telemarketer. Over and over. I’d like to take this telephone and …”

“Now, Al. Don’t get so mad. They’re just trying to make a living. How would you like people hanging up on you?”

“No, this was some kind of scam. They wanted to give me a million dollars.”

“Who was it?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t wait around to hear.”

“It wasn’t Publishers Clearing House, was it? This is the week they’re supposed to be calling.”

“Yeah, it was something like that.”

“Oh, no, no! Can we call them back? Look at the caller ID! Maybe we can call them back!

“Hello? Finally! Have you been calling Alvin Applebee’s number?”

“Not me, lady. There’s a lot of people here making calls though.”

“Well, could you ask or something? My husband answered, and he didn’t understand. “

“No, ma’m, I’m sorry but we only make three calls to each number.”

“Don’t you ever make exceptions? My husband is hard of hearing, and he just couldn’t hear what you were saying.”

“Okay, I’ll ask around. Hey, any you guys trying to call…who was it lady?”

“Alvin Applebee. Just a few minutes ago.”

“Anyone trying to reach Alvin Applebee? Oh, Art, you were? His wife’s on the phone. He’s hard of hearing.”

“Okay, I’ll talk real loud. Put him on the phone.”

“AL, MR. LINKLETTER IS ON THE PHONE, AND HE UNDERSTANDS YOU’RE HARD OF HEARING AND HE’LL TALK REAL LOUD.”

“Mr. Linkletter, is that really you? I thought you were dead.”

“NO. A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT. WHAT I CALLED YOU FOR IS TO TELL YOU, YOU’VE WON…’What was it he won, Herb?…the whole million?…”

“Wow, Art, a million dollars! When do I get the check?”

“Wait a minute, Mr. Applebee, you really aren’t hard of hearing are you? You heard what Herb was saying on the other side of the room! You lied to me. That hard of hearing thing was a scam. I’m sorry. The million goes to the next person on the list.”