A Mild Addiction

It's the unyielding affinity. Unnatural, yet forever present in your mind. Perhaps another, is that enough? Maybe more then. Who's to say where it stops. How does it begin? With a simple desire to become a part of your surroundings? Or is there more to it than that? It may just be that, without a distraction, we are endlessly within thought. And thought only leads you in two directions. Confusion, chaos, and despair, or complete order and joy. How many of those around you seem predisposed to total happiness? I know of few if any. Many put on a good show to mislead the general public yet, anyone taking a good look can tell, they're not quite what they seem.



Over thought is never positive. The gradual spiral that seems to consume so many I’ve known, including myself, is generally a result of the aforementioned over thought. What's wrong with your life? Why has it become that way? What could you have done to repair the damage done? Are you alone? Are you good enough for the world? What difference could your life possibly make in a place so cold and aloof? Is it really worth being alive anymore?



Of course many people would answer these questions in a positive manner but, I don't have the capacity to lie to myself on a continual basis. What's wrong with my life? Far too much to explain per column. Why has it become this way? Generally an inability to maintain my sanity during difficult times anymore. What could I have done to repair the damage done? Once again, far too much to mention per column. Am I alone? Endlessly. Am I good enough for the world? That's debatable. What difference can my life possibly make in a place so cold and aloof? Not enough. Is it really worth being alive anymore? Let's not get into that one today.



Yes. Perhaps a little distraction from my own self deprecating mind is requisite to make it through the day to day depression. It makes me wonder just how many people go through these times, where they question their own worth, or whether they have any value to be spoken of. Without constant distraction, I doubt I could make it through another week of the almost automatic daily grind. So that's my reason for smoking. Does that suit your needs?