Death Infommercial

Scene- INT. A man comes on the screen. It is an infommerical. It is Death, wearing a smart tie and looking like a regular business man. He is on a infommercial stage with a dimly lit family living room in the background.

Death: Hello, I’m Death. You may not know it, but times have gotten worse around hell. The heat is exhausting, everyone is always complaining, and Satan is always on me about the lack of slaves to build his Eisner statue. Well, today to the end of time, I am offering a service that no one should be without. Have you ever had this happen?

Scene- INT. The dimly lit living room lights up and a man is standing with his wife. A man is holding a check in a house.

Man: I don’t make nearly enough at the plant. This will never cover the baby’s surgery.

The door opens and a rich woman struts in wearing a lot of fancy jewelry.

Mom: Hello, son. Just want to tell you I am rich and I will never die.

She laughs and leaves. Death appears in the scene from the side.

Death: I wouldn’t take that and neither should you. Act right now and I’ll even forge the will. My services are 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Even on Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. You just give me a call at 555-0666 and I’ll be there and ready to kill. You can even pick the cause of death. Murder-

Scene- Shows a man slicing a woman. He is behind her and brings the knife down on her back.

Death: Murder Suicide-

Scene-Man then slits his throat.

Death: Body sliced in half, decapitation and many many more. Sorry, but torturing is not an option. WE leave that to the man downstairs. Call us now and you will never have to go through this again.

Woman smacks man in the face.

Woman: I’m leaving you Bobby. You are just not for me. You are such a loser and I have been cheating on you.

Man goes and picks up the phone.

Man: Yeah, I would like your services.

Death: How?

Man: I need my girl to catch an STD that will rid her of beauty, charm and any kind of relationships.

Death: Done.

Death hangs up the phone and looks at the camera.

Death: I’m death and I can give you satisfaction.

Fade to black.