The Cave of Whispers

Chapter One

          “Wait, hold up,” Kevin gasped, jogging to catch up with me.

         I had to get home from school early that day.

         “What are you doing Friday night?”

         I didn’t slow down. I knew he’d catch up. Kevin always seemed so hyper these days.

         “I don’t know yet, probably nothing.”


         “Come with us to the caves.”

         The nearby hills were pockmarked with caves. One was called the Cave of Whispers. Kids said if you went in and stood quietly, you would hear whispers of those who had died in the past. Most believed the wild stories, although I doubted many of them actually had heard the whispers. This was the only cave that I hadn’t been in. It’s not that I was afraid. You can’t be afraid of something that was baloney. I was a skeptic. Unless I could feel it or see it, I didn’t believe it. Something was either black or it was white. Kevin should have known this about me by now.

         “A bunch of us are getting together. We haven’t been out there in a long time.”

         I wondered if he realized why?

         The four of us grew up together, played together as kids. We had grown apart over the past year. Now they wanted to go to the lame caves.

         “Why do you guys want to go out there?”

         “Just to mess around.” Kevin never could lie very well. I knew from the look on his face that something was up. They never did anything without some childish plan in mind.

         “Sure, why not?” I didn’t want to sound like a wimp. “What time?”

         The week went by like all the others before it: school, homework and finally Friday. We had made arrangements to meet out at the caves after dark. As usual, I got there first. They were always late for everything. I listened to music while I waited.

         "This damned car," I thought for the hundredth time. I cringed every time I knew I had to go somewhere in it. At a time when most young men would kill for their own car, I had my very own. I should have been excited, proud or even showing it off. Isn't that what guys do with their prized possessions? Not me. It's not that it's a bad car. It hardly has any rust,runs great, heck, it's even a ragtop. It's the way that I got it that makes me feel so bad. I still remember that day at the lawyer's office. That man kept his office so cold and dark. I really didn't want to go the reading of the will, but I didn't want my mom to have to face that all alone. After all, I was the man of the house now. What a dumb saying. If I heard it one more time I knew I would scream. Men scream, they just don't cry. That's why this car hasn't caused a single tear.

         I grabbed the steering wheel. Just like all the other times, I saw my dad's hands not my own.I closed my eyes and sighed. Would the smell of Dad's cologne ever fade? It haunted me and comforted me at the same time.

         The rest of them showed up with Kevin. Maggie and Trevor didn’t drive yet, so they rode everywhere with Kevin in his parent's car.

         “Hey, hey, the gang's all here.” Trevor didn’t know how worn out that had become.

         “What’s up guys?” I greeted them with a nod.

         “Hi Wes. We were talking on the way here and we want to go the Cave of Whispers.” Maggie always seemed to be the spokesperson when we were together.

         “Come on guys, you know how I feel about that.”

         “Yeah, you have told us a hundred times.”

         “Then why bother asking me?”

         Trevor spoke up, “If there’s nothing to it, then what’s the problem? Are you afraid that you'll see your dad up there?"

         The others stopped and stared, holding their breath. Maggie drilled holes in Trevor with her eyes. No one knew how to respond.

         Trevor looked around, "What? We have been dancing around this for months now. We all know what happened and we just keep pretending like it didn't.

         Kevin plucked at a string on his shirt.

         Trevor put his hand on my shoulder.
"Sorry, dude. I'm just so tired of tiptoeing around this."

         My first instinct was to rip Trevor's hand from off of my shoulder and....I stopped the thought right there. There had been enough loss lately, didn't need to add best friend to the list.

         Maggie stepped closer to me. "Don't listen to him. He's as sensative as a rock. If you don't want to go, it's cool."

         I was stunned. It never even entered my mind that Dad could be at the cave. It was ridiculous. I would show them just how ridiculous it was.

         "No, it's alright. I want to go. Lead the way."

         The cave wasn’t very big. The ceiling disappeared into darkness, but the rocky walls seemed to hug in close. Trevor held his finger to his lips and switched off the flashlight. We were swallowed in darkness. It was so dark, that when I waved my hand in front of my eyes, I saw nothing. After a few giggles, we settled into silence.

         I quietly brought my ear buds to my ears. They didn’t need to know whether or not I played by the rules. I found a rock and sat down with my eyes closed, listening to my music.

         I had no idea how much time had passed until I needed to stand up to get a cramp out of my leg. I reached out for someone’s hand to help me up. My hand swept the empty air. Fear leapt into my throat when I realized that I was alone.

         “O.K very funny. You can come out now.” I tried to keep my voice from trembling. There was no answer. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I cupped my hand to my ear, listening for any sign of them. That’s when I heard the whispers drifting slowly into the cave, floating on the night wind. The hair on my neck stood on end. It sounded like too many people trying to whisper all at once. It reminded me of when I could hear my mom trying to cry softly at night, so I couldn’t hear. She did that a lot since dad died.

         Then, amid the whispers, I caught one word.

         "Winker"

         I stood motionless as chills ran up my spine. This was the one thing I missed the most out of this whole mess of dealing with Dad's death. It was Dad's pet name for me. He claimed that I used to wink at him all the time when I was a baby.

          I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat making it hard to do so. I managed to squeak out, timidly, "Dad?"

         “Wes, where in the world are you?” Kevin’s voice seemed like thunder after straining to hear the whispers.

         “Over here. Why did you guys take off?” I tried to act like nothing happened, as relief washed over me.

         “We thought you were behind us, I swear.” Maggie was the first through the entrance with the flashlight. I was never so happy to see anyone.

         “Well, I wasn’t. Let’s get out of here.”

         “Yeah, this place is a joke anyway. I sure didn’t hear anything, did you?” Trevor looked bored.

         “Nope, not a thing.” Kevin had his hands shoved in his jeans pockets. “Let’s go get a pizza. I’m cold and hungry.”

         We followed Maggie out of the cave. Trevor grabbed my hoodie and pushed me in front of him. “We don’t want to lose you again.”

         “Yeah, OK mom.” I took one, quick glance back. I wasn’t going to tell anyone what I had heard that day. I am, after all, a full-blooded skeptic. Or am I? Did I really hear my Dad, or was it wishful thinking planted by Trevor's comment? I hurried to catch up with my friends. They, somehow, didn’t seem so childish anymore.

Chapter Two
         As much as I hated riding in this car, I hated listening to my mom and aunts go on and on about my dad's death. 'The doctors should have done more. Why isn't the insurance company paying more?' It seemed like they needed someone to blame. But hey, guess what? Things happen and then you move on. Yeah, it's easy enough to say it.

         It was late and I didn't feel like calling anyone to ride along. I wanted to be alone. It was a cold, clear night. It had snowed all day and everything was covered in a blanket of white. There was no moon but the stars pulsed brightly in the crisp air. I drove with no real destination. After awhile, I even turned off the radio, listening to snow crunch beneath the tires.

         After driving thirty minutes or so, I realized where I had ended up. I recognized the VanBlargon's old, leaning barn. Would this be the year it finally succumbed and toppled over? I rolled to a stop, watching the few snowflakes drift past the beams of my headlights. I closed my eyes, remembering.

          "Ok now, slowly let out the clutch with your left foot while you gently push on the gas." My dad's instructions seemed overwhelming to me.

         "Before long, you will be doing this without even thinking about it, trust me."
After a couple lurching leaps forward, I finally had the car rolling slowly.

          "That's it. Now when you want to change to the next gear, you just do the same thing." He wore the smile of a proud father. This was before we even knew he was sick.

         I remember the amazement I felt at seeing my own hands on the steering wheel. Now I stared at the same hands on the same wheel. So much had changed since that day.

         As I sat there, movement caught my eye. From beneath the passenger seat, my baseball rolled out. How it did this on it's own, I still don't know. This simple act broke open the floodgates. The tears came without warning. These weren't the tears of a frightened child, but those of a stricken man. Yes, men do cry, after all. I screamed and cried, pounding the steering wheel. Then, for no reason other than my state of mind, I started laughing. I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to stop the tears. My stomach ached from first the crying, then the laughing. As I caught my breath, it came to me like a bolt of lightning. Everything involving this car wasn't bad. There were a ton of good memories here. I relaxed into the leather seat caressing the steering wheel, but I wasn't quite ready to go home.

         I sat in the clearing that served as a parking lot for the caves. Nobody else was around. I was relieved, I needed to do this alone.

         Once inside the cave, I sat on the ground with my legs crossed Indian-style. I took my baseball out of my pocket and laid it on the ground in front of me. I wasn't sure why, but this baseball meant something to me now. The only light I had was the ambient light coming from my ipod. It was enough, I could see my breath floating before me. I felt silly at first, the words coming only as a whisper.

         "Dad. I don't know if you can hear me or not. There's some things I need to say that I never got a chance to. First off, I miss you. I want you to know that I love you and I'll always be proud to be your son. I know things got a little messed up just before you...um...left. I want to apologize for not wanting to admit you were sick. I guess I figured it would go away if I didn't believe it. I'm not mad at you, even though it seemed like it. Second, it's really hard being strong for Mom. She misses you, too. I will do my best to take care of her. We will be ok. Well, I guess that's all I needed to say."

         I sat in the silence. I really didn't expect any kind of answer and wasn't disappointed. I picked up my baseball and stuffed it in my pocket. I felt better already. Even if he never heard me, at least I got it off of my chest. Now, I was ready to go home.

         Driving into the driveway, I could see that my aunts had left. My mom greeted me at the door.

         "Have a nice drive?" She was already wearing her robe over her pajamas.

         "Yeah, it was alright." I couldn't meet her eyes. I didn't want her to know I had been crying.

         "Are you hungry?" She walked into the dining room and sat at the table.

         "Not really, I grabbed something when I was out." I lied so she wouldn't worry.

         "Oh, ok. Do you need any money for school this week?"

         I could tell she was trying to start a conversation with me but didn't know how to anymore. We hardly talked since the funeral. I guess she figured I needed my space, just like I thought she needed hers. I wondered if she was hating this space as much as I was.

         I sat down across from her. Her eyes were red from crying. I supposed mine were, too.

         "Mom, remember when Dad taught me to drive?" I wanted to break the ice somehow.

         She looked up and smiled. "How could I forget? He came bursting through the door announcing how great you did. You came in right behind him blushing like a fire hydrant."

          I smiled. I never liked any kind of attention. "I drove out there tonight, on the same spot he taught me. Nothing out there has changed a bit."

         "Is that barn still standing? It has been leaning since I was a little girl. I can't believe it has held up so long."

         "Yeah, it's still there. Maybe someone ought to just knock it down and speed up the process."

         No, that wouldn't be fair. Then we would have a big empty hole to look at instead."

         "Yeah, I guess you are right." Sometimes looking at a leaning barn is better than no barn at all.

         "Are you sure you aren't hungry? I bought some ice cream the other day. It's your favorite."

         "Sure, that sounds good. Thanks."

         She disappeared into the kitchen. I dug my baseball out of my pocket and set it in the middle of the table. Mom came back with the ice cream and we ate it in silence. Somehow, I knew everything was going to be ok.