Small Cracks Part 1

It started out so slowly even she wasn't aware of it. Just little things, like walking into a room and forgetting why. Sometimes it was the simple act of dropping something and suddenly she would be angry. Stupid, she'd think. Stupid, clumsy woman. Then it would be okay for awhile. Nothing to upset her. Just a calm even motion of day to day things. Then one day she was watering her plants to find some of them dead. And the anger returned. Along with fear. Fear because she couldn't remember whether she had actually been keeping care of them or not. In a sudden fit she grabbed the pots with the lost plants and threw them across the room. Only when a clap of thunder roared outside did she regain control. Her hands shook as she tried to breathe calmly, speaking silently to the elements in an effort to calm them too. Finally, both were okay and she filed the whole incident in the back of her mind.
In retrospect, she believes Jean noticed it before she did. Often she would catch her best friend watching her. Many times, Jean would ask her how she was doing or if she wanted to talk. Unaware that anything was wrong, Ororo would merely smile and say everything was fine. And it was for most parts. Things had been calm lately in the world. Nothing major calling the X-Men into action. It was almost like getting a vacation. Maybe if it hadn't been so calm, if there had been something more important to do, things wouldn't have progressed any further. But they did. Soon it was more than just Jean watching her, asking her if everything was all right. She never thought anything of it at the time, was actually amused that everyone seemed so concerned about her. She didn't know then. Wasn't aware that the cracks were beginning to show when she didn't see them herself.
One day she found herself in the woods walking with no memory of how she got there. With no warning she collapsed to the ground crying. Logan found her curled in a ball shivering, sobbing breathlessly. He picked her cold limp body up and held her, unable to get an answer for her tears. Her long silver hair fell in a curtain around them. She fell asleep in his arms and awoke hours later in her room with Logan sitting on the bed beside her.
Confused, she asked him, "What are you doing, Logan?"
He stared at her for a few minutes before answering, "Just watching you sleep, darlin."
"Why?" she asked unaware how dead her voice sounded.
"I'm worried about you, Ro. We all are."
"I'm fine, really. I wish everyone would stop acting like I was dying."
But you are Ororo. You're dying inside and you don't even know it, he thought. Instead he just said, "You're tired Ororo. Why don't you take a break, go somewhere, do something fun. Just get away."
"I'm only going to tell you this one more time, Logan. I'm fine. Now could you please leave? I need to take a shower before I go to class."
"All right darlin. If that's what you want. I'm here if you need me though. Just remember that will ya?"
"Yes, Logan, I'll remember. Now go." She smiled at him and he left. She got up and did just what she said she would, never once remembering the little episode in the woods.

She was unaware, at the time, they were beginning to discuss her amongst themselves. Logan, Jean, Scott, even Rogue and Bobby were sitting at the kitchen table all trying to decide what to do.
"It's gettin bad Jeannie," Logan tells them. "She doesn't even remember what happened yesterday."
"Ah caught her staring at the bookcase for thirty minutes the other day. Ah timed it."
"Yeh, something's definately wrong. She asked me the same question three times the other day. It was eery," Bobby adds.
"I know," Jean admits sadly. "I can't get anything from her. It's like she's blocking me subconciously. All I get is this aching emptiness, like she's not there anymore."
"What could be causing this?" Scott asks.
"I wish I knew," Jean says. "Ororo has to stay in control of her emotions at all times as you know. Maybe the stress is just finally getting to her."
"I don't buy it," Logan growls angrily. "Why now after all this time? There has to be something else causing it. Ororo's one of the strongest people I know. She wouldn't just lose it for no reason."
"Maybe it isn't just one thing, sugah. Maybe it's just everything. Sometimes it just all comes crashing down on you when you least expect it," Rogue tells them quietly. " And sometimes it's just too much to handle."
They all look at her in silence. Of all of them, she would know what that was like. And in their silence, there is also a small edge of fear. For Ororo to lose control was heartbreaking in the least, but for Storm to lose control could be deadly.

Another week, and even Ororo could tell something was wrong. She was having trouble concentrating on her classes and would forget to eat. Her appearance was starting to reflect it too. Her usually shining silver-white hair was dull and lifeless. She began keeping it pulled back at the nape of her kneck because it seemed too much trouble to deal with. Logan was almost constantly within sight of her by then. At first she had been angry. Finally, she ceased to care. It took too much energy and she was so tired as it was. Even the weather was beginning to suffer. It rained almost constantly now. No storms though, just a constant, miserable ,cold rain.
Finally, after Logan caught her standing out in the rain for almost an hour, Jean decided to cancel her classes. She didn't argue, not even when Logan and Jean took her soaking clothes off her and made her take a hot shower trying to warm her chilled body up. By that night she was running a fever and coughing. Curled up in a miserable ball in her bed, she let them care for her. Everything seemed unreal and she drifted somewhere between asleep and awake. She could hear their voices and even took the medicine when they gave it to her but none of it really registered. Finally, she just slept.
"She's not getting any better," Jean tells Logan and Scott tearfully.
"I thought her fever was down," Scott says, confused.
"She doesn't mean the cold, One-Eye," Logan tells him gruffly.
"Oh," Scott answers looking down at the woman he thinks of as a sister.
"We're losing her," Jean whispers and turns to her husband crying softly.
"The hell with that," Logan tells them angrily. "I ain't gonna let that happen."

As the days progressed Ororo's cold went away but she didn't leave her bed. Instead she just laid there mostly sleeping. The others would bring her food and visit with her. The food would mostly go untouched unless it was Jean or Logan who brought it. Jean would threaten to put her in sickbay on an I.V. if she didn't eat and Logan would just stare at her until she gave in. The visits were mostly one-sided since she wouldn't talk. Then the day came when Logan refused to leave. He would just sit on the bed beside her telling her what stories about his past he remembered. Other times, he would just sit there with her not saying a thing. It was at those times she would curl up next to him and cry herself to sleep. It was only after she was asleep when Logan allowed himself to cry too. Watching Ororo so lost was breaking his heart and only then did he realize how much she truly meant to him. And the thought that it might be too late and all he could do was be witness as she slipped slowly away from him was almost too much to bear.
They started bringing his food in with Ororo's. No one suggested he leave. No one was brave enough too. Jean was worried that they were losing both of them. At times she thought maybe they were all slipping away, that since they were all so connected to Ororo she was taking them with her. Rogue would spend hours just sitting in the floor of Storm's room quietly. Scott was an absolute bear and the students began avoiding him. Even the usually exhuberant Bobby was silent most of the time. And Jean, she was grieving for the woman who had become a sister to her and losing sleep trying to think of some way to help. The students themselves were quieter and kept mostly to their rooms. It's like waiting by someone's deathbed. Everything's silence, Jean thinks in a moment of despair. We're watching our heart slip away and no one knows how to save it.
After about two weeks of watching Ororo sleep, Logan finally had enough. He was sick of talking, sick of watching, and besides, the smell was beginning to bother even him. With her once again sleeping, he got up and ran a bath. Then, with no warning whatsoever, he picked her up and dumped her in it clothes and all. Spitting water out of her mouth, Ororo sat up and said her first words in a long time. "What the hell are you doing!?
Even though her voice is rough from disuse, to him the sound is beautiful. Taking a bar of soap and a rag he drops them in the tub and tells her," You stink. And since I'm not leaving you and I'm tired of the smell, I decide you needed a bath. Now you can either take those filthy pajamas off and wash yourself or I'm gonna do it for you."
Just like that Ororo goes from utter depression to absolute fury. As the thunder begins to roll outside she throws the wet rag back at him and screams,"You will do no such thing! If I wanted a bath I'd take one! Get the hell out of my bathroom! In fact, get the hell out of my room! No, wait, while you're at it you can just get the hell out of my life!"
Ducking the bar of soap she slings at him, Logan merely grins and tells her," Not gonna happen, darlin. Now which one is it going to be?"