Swimming in the Septic Tank

    Paradox is the term best assigned to the predicament in which I find myself.  A career that began as stimulating, interesting, and rewarding, has become draining, bore-some, and deleterious.  By the way, I make no pretense of uniqueness in this situation.  The sentiments expressed herein are most certainly shared by countless persons in every profession.  I, however, am speaking from the perspective of one who has spent decades as an addictions treatment provider.

    I stumbled into this line of work quite by accident.  Seeking means of early completion of a bachelor's degree, I was presented with the opportunity for a summer internship at an in-patient drug and alcohol rehabilitation center.  The fact that the experience would also carry sufficient college credits to allow for graduation ahead of schedule sealed my decision.  I pursued and was granted the internship.

    Under the tutelage of that program's staff I developed skills and gained marketable experience.  More importantly, the successes I experienced, coupled with the personal growth brought about by the environment of the treatment center, quickly led me to a high level of investment in a field initially explored as little more than a lark.  Put simply, I was hooked.  Over the course of the next decade and a half, I steadily progressed from entry-level, novice counselor assistant to full-fledged, certified program director. 

    Through the course of my career I have worked with hundreds of people, clients and fellow employees, in various stages of dysfunction resulting from addictions.  Early on in the battle, I believed, as probably do most who are young and enthusiastic in their chosen professions, I was making a difference.  Making a difference was a motivator.  Helping create measurable reduction in the emotional and physical sufferings of others is intoxicating and, dare I say, addictive.  It is also incredibly demanding of energy and focus.

    For those who may not be familiar with this process, treatment of addictions is not glamorous or friendly.  Anger, sadness, suffering, grief, loss, conflict, hostility, and just about every other emotion one would categorize as negative, are constants in the addictions treatment environment.  In the presence of addicts, alcoholics, and those who work with them, bombardment with gut-wrenching details of people's lives devastated by addiction continually tear into the soft soul of anybody remotely caring in nature.  After years of slaying emotional dragons, the gallant knight who entered the fray strong and vigorous finds himself tattered, weary, and awash in the gore of the emotional carnage in which he toils.

    The ejection device on my cart for emotional baggage has ceased to function, I am unable to shed the excess negativity as once I could.  Combining these stressful human factors with the mundane requirements of every job has led to several consequences, the most undesirable of which is apathy.  Apathy which has begun to taint other areas of my life. 

    One of the many gifts I have received from my field of endeavor is the practice of constant self-evaluation.  It is this practice which has allowed, even forced, me to develop a plan for change.  For the good of those I serve, as well as for self preservation, I have set a deadline for my transition to an alternative means of generating income.  I seek clear blue waters in which to swim.