some thoughts

How can one go through life without once thinking that all this will, eventually, end?

I have asked myself thousands of times the questions: Why am I here?, How am I capable to sense everything around me? Is all this real? Am I just dreaming? What was that dream about? Was it connected to reality? Are these just coincidences?

I have found some answers to these questions, yet they aren't as satisfying as I hoped. I found different reasons for my existence, for what I feel, for what I do, for how I am and how I act, yet they don't satisfy my need to know more. I have faith in God, I believe that He is close to me, He protects me, yet with all this I still need Him to prove once in a while that He is listening. And he does it very well. All my wishes and all my power is from Him, even though I can't see or touch Him. I don't care or ask for anything more.

Is all this real? Honestly, who cares? I believe in the fact that reality and everything is relative. The truth I am saying might be a lie to you or an ignorable detail. But it's still my truth, which I hold on to, for one reason or another.

Because of this stupid subject we all treat so superficially, I went through a depression and I realised that I can't live my life like this. What's the use in wondering about what is behind, after this whole thing we call life. Maybe we are all now dead and when we think we die, it's actually the other way around: we reborn.

Who knows the actual truth about reasons, causes and effects... I don't and you don't and maybe no one knows anything straight. We just assume that this might be what we are looking for. We all create a truth which is good and comforting for our needs, for our beliefs, for our need of answers.

Are these just coincidences? I dream at night what I will do in my future or, in some cases, I dream from someone else's skin, from another person's view, but I can't remember the next day. I realise what I had dreamed the day that the action happens. Only then I know that I dreamed that action and if I manage to remember what will happen next I sometimes change a bit my choices in order to make everything turn out ok. But I am not a mind reader nor can I predict the future. I don't believe in coincidences. Everything is based on that nice theory called: cause and effect I had mentioned above.

As a conclusion to what I have written, I am empowered with the quality to choose, as all people are, and I am capable to choose for myself what I think is good and right...but as I said before: everything is relative. Who knows what is right and what is wrong? I surely don't. I just risk it. It's the only way I can live my life as a normal person.