Heartbreak Instead

i wrote this when i was really mad about a guy, but I DO NOT CUT MYSELF.

slit my wrists
and let the blood bleed out
because you broke my heart
when i thought you broke the wall to my doubt

scratch my arms
until there are only scars
because my joyess eyes are now dim
when i thought you'd make them bright as the stars

fuck this
i don't know what else to do
if not this
then i'd be thinking about you

i feel like i'm being attacked by my thoughts
and i can't get you out of my mind
i'm trying to think of anything else
anything else i can find

my heart feels heavy
my eyes feel wet
and i thought you were the one
when we first met

no more anger, just sorrow
as my throat feels tight
i want to stop thinking
as i lie here in bed tonight

i'm so confused
i thought i actually had a chance
a chance to win you
in this game of romance

i should have known
that you didn't really feel the same
i may not know exactly what you feel
but i do know that i'm the one who feels the pain

why did you give me mixed signals?
and play tricks with my head?
all i ever wanted was love
but all i got was heartbreak instead