Summer love...and heartache

As the sun set earlier in the evening and we passed into the rural area outside of Kansas city there wasn't much to look at along the highway. We had been riding in the car for most of the night. The summer heat had retreated as the sun set and now the hum of the car's engine and the cool of the air conditioning made for good sleeping conditions. I was sitting in the back seat with my head reclined against seat back and the side window. My girlfriend's head was lying on my lap while her parents were in the front seats. Her mom was asleep in the passenger seat while her dad was driving.

I had gotten a few days to myself and decided to travel to Overland Park, KS to see Tanya, my girlfriend. I lived in the St. Louis area at the time. It was about a 5 hour trip to her house. The time seemed to pass by quickly in my anticipation to see her. Now, we were in the car again and on our way to visit her grandparents in Woodston, KS.

I had met Tanya at a summer camp a couple years ago. We were in a group who had become friends. I remember when first meeting them. My counselor had to be at camp early and had invited me and my best friend, Brad, to come along. Tanya and her friend were sitting in a car at the campground waiting for their counselor to return from getting their room assignments. All four doors were open on their car and they were lounging with feet in the air and the radio on. When we stopped our car Brad and I said hello to the two girls and they returned our hello. We got to talking and learned each other's names, found out where they were from and made plans to meet later. It was a friendship that lasted several summers.

My last summer at the campground I returned as a counselor. I was too old to be a camper and old enough to be a junior counselor. That year, when I saw Tanya, I though she looked really good. Right then I decided to try and make that summer camp one to remember. I asked her to attend the banquet at the end of the week, which, we all knew made us a couple for the week of camp. That year, I even snuck out late at night to meet her by the girl's dorm. That was something that I was not known for doing. She brought something out in me that made me want to do almost anything just to see her. Under the florescent street lamp I pushed her while on the swingset. Everything was cast in a grayish sort of light. We both looked pale to one another. But there was something about her eyes and that smile that made everything seem bright.

Tanya was such a fun-loving girl. She had shoulder length blonde hair, blue eyes, full lips, and the cutest mischievous grin, and a sparkle in her eyes. As far as build...she was perfect in my eyes. She melted my heart. And, the first time I kissed her she had me wrapped around her finger.

It was around 3 am on Saturday morning when we arrived in Woodston, KS. Even at that hour there was something oddly familiar about this little mid-western town. Main Street in Woodston looked like many small towns you may have seen before. The street was lined with many shops, a hardware store, a bank with a big clock keeping everyone on time, and a donut shop. As we drove past the donut shop it became apparent that I had been here before. We rounded the corner and drove behind the shops on Main Street and parked behind the donut shop. The back door was open and through the screen door the lights were on inside.

As we entered the shop the sweetness of icing and powdered suger mixed with the smell of cooking doughnuts filled the air. It was enough to make your mouth water. Tanya and her parents were greeted with hugs and kisses as Grandma and Grandpa saw them come in the back door. Then introductions were made and I was made to feel at home. We were given the grand tour of the donut making process. The dough was put into the fryer and turned at just the right moment to cook both sides to an even golden brown. Then they were glazed, iced or sugared to make them melt in your mouth. After reminiscing for a while we were ushered back to the car to get some rest at her grandparent's house.

Her grandparent's house was just as I pictured it. There was a porch that wrapped around two sides. The front door was painted white with a window in the top half and a screen door to keep out the pests. There were two chairs and a small table on the porch in front of a large picture window. There was a street lamp on a large pole near the gravel driveway that cast an earie shadow across the lawn. While Tanya's mom opened the front door and turned on lights inside the family room her dad opened the trunk on the Toyota Camry and we got out the luggage. I was shown my room which was located through the kitchen and down the stairs. It was a comfortable room with a comfortable looking bed. After saying goodnight I was ready to lay down. The ceiling fan overhead was lazily moving the air around in the room and when I turned off the lights it was dark and cool. I drifted off quickly.

The next day we spent going into town to her grandparent's store. We had breakfast there and then toured the big downtown area of Woodstown. Truthfully, looking back, I can't remember a whole lot of the day we were there. But that night we were back at her grandparent's farm. We went outside, just the two of us, laughing and talking. Looking up into the night sky was like seeing stars for the very first time. There were millions of stars. What a change from my home in St. Louis, MO. And, it was a big change from her house near Kansas City, MO. We held hands as we walked along the gravel road. No traffic passed the entire time we were alone that night. The only sound was the wind blowing through the fields and the occasional sound of a bird or dog in the distance. It was truly blissful.

At one point Tanya had a twinkle in her eye and I could tell an idea playing through her mind I had just kissed her and was wanting more. But she pushed me away and told me to catch her if I could. And, then she ran away. I know she was playing with me but it hurt my pride a little. I was feeling romantic and wanted to hold her close. It had been two days before that we had gone on a picnic at a park near her home. In the middle of the park was a lake and paddle boats with a walking trail. We had put a blanket on the ground underneath a large tree and relaxed just enjoying one another's company. I remember looking into her eyes and tenderly kissing her. The touch of her lips on mine was magic. I was hooked on Tanya. I knew it. But somehow I wasn't sure she was as hooked on me in quite the same way.

I chased after her that night and tried to catch her but she was quick and I really wasn't in the mood. Eventually as I pulled her close and she put her arms around my neck she satisfied my need to be near to her. It's amazing how quickly you can develop an infatuation for someone. The desire to talk to them, hold their hand, hug them and kiss is sometimes all you can think about. That's how I was with Tanya.

It was difficult to travel home after being with "my girl" for 4 days. But, knowing I was going to see her in the fall was reassuring. We were both attending colleges in the same town. She would be just a few miles away and I could travel to see her from time to time. So, I went home to finish my summer and save some spending money for college.

That fall I was in for a heartbreak I had not foreseen. As crazy as I was about Tanya she was not as taken with me. She was a very good student and intended on focusing on her studies...not me. I remember going to her dorm and calling her on the hall phone. At the time, phones weren't hooked up in the rooms and cell phones had not become the "norm". After someone knocked on her door and she answered the phone I was very nervous. It had been a while since I'd seen her. I had talked to her on the phone during the summer. But now I was going to see her in person. I remember her coming down the stairs with her normal bounce. And, the sparkle was in her eyes as usual. We went through the drive-through at a local fastfood restaurant and got something to drink. Then we parked in the lot to talk. I was hoping to pick things up where we had left off during the summer. But she had other ideas. When I tried to kiss her she avoided me. I didn't understand until she let me know she was at college to study. She wouldn't have time to date.

Wow. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My ego was deflated so quickly by her statement. I don't even remember taking her back to her dorm that night. The only thing I remember is walking away from the dorm...and driving back to my dorm. My heart ached. I had dreamed of a year with Tanya. Going out for pizza, to basketball games, to the movies, shopping or anywhere. It was going to be the best year of college yet. And then...my dreams were dashed against the rocks like breakers at the seashore. They crumbled into a million pieces.

I can't say that I remember arriving back at my campus. That night is only a distant memory. But I can still see her face in my mind even today. She used to have a look on her face that let me know she was being mischievous. Her tongue would position in her right cheek. She would have a toothy smile and the edge of her eyes would crinkle a little at the corners. And her blonde curls framed her face just right. I think she's still in Kansas. She received her teaching degree and is a teacher in a public school. I often wonder where she is today...and, I also wonder if she ever thinks of me.