Reality

I need help.
I feel deficient and lost.
I don't know what I'm doing,
Or why all the choices I make seem to conflict with my true feelings.
I'm crawling,
And stretching myself to limits that exceed my ability.
But it never seems to be enough,
And I never seem to be happy.
Pretending does not warrant happy remembrances.
My smiles seem fake.
I'm lonely,
But I carry this facade to alleviate other's pain.
And I can't choose a life based on the standards set upon me;
It has to be my choice,
And I don't know if I can make one.
I'm here,
But I no longer know where here is!