Wake - Up Fall

Somebody’s apartment
      anyone’s apartment
      any Friday night

      8 shots of Jäger
      12 Bud Lights
      an 8 ball blown-
      I crave more. Only
      20 mg adderalls
      at this party.

      I pay a girl, I think her name is Molly;
      follow hardwood hall to bathroom door.
      Bony kneecaps are exposed by fitted,
      torn jeans, I see
      a wounded dog in eyes of Frat boys.

      Two blondes exit the bathroom,
      green eyes frosted like frozen swamp.
      I enter; throw my protruding spine
      against the door, use my 105 pounds
      to push it.
      Its rusted knob locks
      no one can get in.
      A toothpaste spotted mirror
      hangs against chipped, yellow wall.
      It snaps my picture
      I lower my head in disgust.

      Pulling from my denim pocket
      (my most recent purchase).
      Cold, anxious, my body won’t stop
      shaking.
      Jesus Christ, I can’t stop shaking.
     
      Burt’s Bees Chap Stick
      crushes these pills to fine blue powder.
      No dollar bill to roll
      my nose to edge of yellow sink.
      I inhale hard- again.

      My nose numb from this morning
      I feel nothing, bittersweet
      a drip coasts down my throat.
      My left nostril sniffling
      afraid loose powder will fall out.
      I check the sink edge
      for leftover blue crystals.

     
      Couple hundred mgs adderall blown
      minutes pass
      body drops
      to floor--                   

      I stop shaking,
      stomach stops
      rising up and down,
      relieved tonight
      I’ll be found out.