Decemberunderground

She looked away as he swooped in to kiss her. He wore a confused look on his face, but she just shook her head.

“Sorry, babe. I’m just not in the mood.” She said, sighing and leaning back in the chair on his porch.

“Ok…” He answered, still confused. She mentally sighed to herself, wondering when everything had gone wrong, when everything had become so much more complicated. She loved him, just not as a lover would, more like a close friend. They had been going out for the past two years, but ever since it had started, there was always someone else on her mind.

“Hey, Jack?”

“Yea, Kate?”

“… Do you love me?” She didn’t mean to blurt it out like that, she just had to know, had to know before it tore her apart.

“With all my heart, babe.” He answered and hugged her. She stiffened for a second then hugged him back, knowing that it would break his heart to know the truth.

“What would you do if I left?” She asked, pulling back. He pulled back too, confused look back on his face.

“Why? You breaking up with me?” He asked her; she now saw the faint flashes of anger in those deep, forest green eyes.

“No, just a hypothetical question.” She said quickly, not wanting him to get angry, to leave. He had been her best friend for 11 years, since they were 6. She didn’t want to end that just because she loved someone else.

‘No, I don’t love someone else. Just a deep liking. I don’t love anyone.’ Her mind chided her, trying to make her forget whom she loved. Really loved, it wasn’t just a deep liking.

“I would probably die a little inside. Maybe move on with my life, maybe not.” He answered slowly after a minute.

“Would we still be friends?” She asked, dreading the answer she was about to get, knowing that it would be bad.

“No.” He said coldly, eyes steely. “I could never be friends with someone who broke up with me.”

“But we’ve known each other so long!” Kate protested, not meaning to, not wanting to.

“It doesn’t matter. Should I take this as a sign that you’re breaking up with me?” He asked, hands balling in to fists at his sides as he stood up.

“No… But… I have to go.” She said, quickly getting up and running to her car. She jumped in to the drivers seat, shakily put the key in the ignition and got the hell out of there, gunning it. Once she had gotten down the street and she couldn’t see his face or his shocked expression, she slowed down and tried to stop shaking. Once she gained complete control of her body again, she took in a shaky breath and started driving at a normal speed again. She turned on the radio and put in her favorite CD, a burned one that she had gotten from her love last December, AFI’s Decemberunderground. The soothing sounds of the beginning song, Prelude 12/21, brought back memories of the last December she had with her secret love. It had been such a wonderful month, laughing, talking, hugging, touching, but she always knew she would have to leave at the beginning of January. Kate had just never wanted to acknowledge it. So her love left her, to go off to a faraway island. Those final moments, before school started, where her love had hugged her and tears had swam in her eyes, whispering in her ear promises of writing, were the worst Kate had ever known. She could never let Jack know that.

“For a change, I’ll refrain, from hiding all of me from you…” Ah, the sweet sounds of AFI came through, the wonderful sounds of The Interview. She was almost to her favorite spot she realized, not paying attention to where she was driving to, just driving. The cliff was coming up soon so she went and found her parking spot, right in front of a tree so the car wouldn’t go backwards. She stopped when she got there, turned up the music so the car was rocking, and stepped out of the car, leaving it on and the door open so the music would be easier to hear. She walked a few feet away and sat cross-legged on the ground, just staring out at the city. Her thoughts drifted to her secret love that she had brought here once. That day was so enjoyable. Kate lay down on her back, hands under her head and thought of that smile that seemed it was reserved just for her. Emails were fine and dandy, but voices would be so much better, smiles, hugs, touches. Kate just smiled, a small, sad smile as she lay there. She was enjoying herself until her phone started vibrating. She figured it was just someone texting her until the vibrations went past 2. She hastily dug her phone out of her pocket, flipped it open and hit send without even seeing whom it was.

“Hello?” She asked curiously in to the phone.

“Hey babe, can you come over? We need to talk.” Kate managed to stifle a groan, it was just Jack being his usual clingy self.

“Sure, hun. I’ll be there in 10.” She said, falsely cheery. After a few more minutes of talking to him, him doing most of the talking, they hung up. She slowly stood up, the soothing sounds of AFI had stopped coming from the car, the CD was over. She stretched for a second then walked back to the car, got in and slammed the door. She managed to get back on to the main road without backing in to the tree for once as she hit play on the AFI CD again, putting it on random. The sounds of Love Like Winter came in through the speakers and she grinned.

It took a little more then 10 minutes to get to Jack’s place, not wanting to be there in the first place. He was sitting on one of the numerous chairs on his porch, not smiling.

‘Oh God, this was going to end badly.’ She thought to herself as she got out of the car, walking towards the porch.

“Hey.” She said softly to him once she had gotten close enough so he could here her. He nodded and motioned with a hand for her to sit down. She took the seat closet to the stairs, farthest away from him. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Who is he?” He asked, quite bluntly and without any emotion.

“Who?” She asked, confusion seeping in to her voice.

“Don’t play with me, I know you’ve been seeing someone else. That question earlier was NOT hypothetical.” He said, glaring at her icily.

“What are you talking about?” She asked, confusion settling on her face. Inside, her heart was beating wildly and she hoped he didn’t hear it.

“You know what I’m fucking talking about!” He shouted, hands clenched in to fists at his sides. She flinched, wondering how long this would go one before she finally cracked.

“I haven’t been seeing anyone!” She shouted back at him.

“QUIT YOUR FUCKING LYING!” He yelled, standing up, throwing his chair backwards. She quickly stood up and slid over to the top stair, fearful. “You stupid whore, it’s not that hard to figure out you’re thinking of someone else when you kiss me, hug me, talk to me.” He sneered.

“I’m not lying!” She shouted back, furious.

“Who are you seeing behind my back? What man are you fucking this week?” He sneered again. If looks could kill, they would both be dead.

“I’m not fucking anyone.” He visibly calmed down a little.

“Please, just tell me who you’re thinking of when you kiss, hug, talk to me.” He said, eyes pleading with her, begging her to tell him who that secret love was.

“You’d kill me if you knew.” She whispered, words hardly audible.
“No, babe, I swear I won’t hurt you.” She saw that look, that look that meant he was serious, in his deep green eyes.

“Do you really wanna know?” She asked, looking down as she did so, taking a cautious step back.

“Yea, I do.” He asked, annoyance flashed in his eyes for a second.

“Well… HernameisRose.” Kate said quickly, taking another cautious step backwards. She looked up in to his eyes. He stared blankly at her for a second, mind trying to handle this news. After a minute or so, his eyes hardened, became steely once again.

“Get out.” He said quietly.

“W-what?” She asked, confused. He had just said he wouldn’t care.

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY PORCH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID GAY BITCH! STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!” He yelled at her, throwing chairs out of the way as he made his way over to her. His words stung, but she knew she was in danger here. She ran to her car, tears streaming down her face, and jumped in the driver seat, locking all the doors just as he hit the passenger door. He stood there, face red from anger, yelling at her and pounding on her window so hard that she was afraid it would break. Her shaky hands managed to start the car and she got the hell out of there. She looked back and saw he was chasing after her. He chased after her for a few miles before he finally stopped, knowing he couldn’t catch up to the speeding car. AFI blared in her ears as she remembered his words.

“Is my love really that wrong?” She whispered to herself, voice breaking and tears still streaming down her face. “Am I really that wrong?” With her tears still falling, she went the long way home, not really wanting to stop. The long path home was on a road that went through a small forest, it was always relaxing. She cheered up a bit, not wanting to dwell too long on what he said. Well, at least not while driving. She stopped suddenly, watching a small family of squirrels crossing the road up ahead. Once they were safely on the other side of the road, she drove again. It only took a few minutes to get home. She was about to park in the driveway when she realized an unknown car was parked in her spot. She growled and parked on the road, making sure it wasn’t near enough so other cars would hit her car. Damn her mom’s friends, they always came around and she was getting sick of it. She sighed, turned off the car and got out, leaving the keys in the ignition, not caring.

‘Damn.’ She sighed as she saw the front door opening, doorknob turning. She walked slowly up the driveway, a few feet from the path leading up to the door, when she saw who was coming out of the house. Her breath caught in her throat. She didn’t dare to breath, it would break this, make her go away. Rose was standing in her doorway. When she saw Kate, her face broke out in a grin and she raced towards her. Kate couldn’t move, didn’t try, just watched as Rose came rushing at her, shoulder-length black hair flowing out behind her from the wind. Rose hugged her and Kate could smell her perfume, the one that smelled like vanilla.

“I’ve missed you.” Rose mumbled in to her neck. Kate shivered and finally hugged her back, nails digging in to her back, face going for her neck, never wanting to let go.

“I’ve missed you more.” She managed to croak out. Rose lifted her head from Kate’s neck. Kate stared at her for a second, then finally she managed to get her courage up. Time seemed to stop as Kate pressed her lips gently against Rose’s, scared of the reaction. Rose was shocked for a moment, but kissed her back. When they both pulled back for some air, breathing heavily, they grinned at each other. Kate put her face in Rose’s neck

“I love you.” Kate mumbled, face digging in to her neck. She heard Rose chuckle, felt how her shoulders moved when she did.

“I know. I’ve always known.” She said, and they left it at that.