Good Night

You polluted my thoughts last night,
as I lay awake in my bed
panting from the heat of your hell.
Slowly drowning in you,
the complicated sea of lies
that you splattered on the walls,
like the blood you drew
from the naive wound I have to remind.
The blood has been long gone from my bedroom walls
but your pain still burns inside.
Desperation flourishes in my system
covered in sweat from the nightmares you give me,
where I cannot fight with fists or words.

My bed refused me when I tried to sleep alone,
empty with the lonely birds eating at my heart ache.
I tried to touch myself, reach deep and pull out something
hoping that I wouldn't reject myself like you.
Wave after wave of chaos flooded my body
taking me down into unknown depths
even making Neptune full of angst.
Memory games made my chest tighten
heart beat decrease.

Imaginations ran wild,
delusions drugged up old pictures
the one of you caressing my sides,
bringing your lips to my neck,
all those seconds spent on you
a forfeited waste.
Held back and stuffed into my drawers
like the gifts and presents you ever gave,
expecting them to make up for the real deal.

I tossed and turned last night
trying not to scream your name,
half in disgust and half in ecstasy.
My hair slashed across my face
eyes dry from tears falling.
Can't wake up from this,
room spinning and silent before distruction.
I wake up every morning wishing to face you.
This weight becomes pillows over my mouth and nose
suffocating my right to be free,
from all the things you said
and all the things you meant.

Things must be re-arranged
the final pieces of the puzzle fixed,
all before bed time.
I try hard to remember the feeling
of just being together.
This is Good night,
Good night,
many sleepless self fights:

Good Night.