One message received..

One message received..

Feelings are made to be expressed..
They are not meant to be kept..
Don’t be a loser without fighting..
Never make regrets for yourself to suffer..
Coz you know what?
In silence it hurts more..

Ouch! That hit right through me like a bullet piercing my body and into my soul.. creating shock waves that resonate in an endless cycle.. stirring.. throbbing.. straining and pressuring my core. Tension that I can no longer ignore. Maybe this could be like a volcano.. Now I can’t help myself to explode..

I can no longer contain this and I choose to explode in Words and it might give me sympathy and distress Words too much that God and Goddesses would not miss it and finally hear my agony.. my little vanities.. my prayers. They might be touched and gracious enough to grant my plead and endow you with a similar affliction.. just like me.

Then, you will have the feel of it.. the hardship.. the pain.. the joy.. bitterness and sweetness.. the ache of being in love intertwined in the web of confusion: wishful thinking and fucked up reality.

Cupid must have hated me. He played tricks to my wreckage heart. Regardless how I tried to protect it, it only takes a shot from his mighty arrow to make me impaired and helpless. Goddamn son-of-a-bitch! I am now in love again with a twist.

I met you and it’s all right. My problems begun when you started to talk because with every word you say.. take a piece of my heart. And worst, I loved it!

I should have stayed as a secret in the four corners of my house. I should have stayed in the dark and not tried to reach out in chat. I should not have met you.. then you should not have cared and that would be fine so you could not stole my heart and I could sleep just fine at night.

I hate complications and that’s the very reason why I broke up with my previous girlfriends. They give too much of a burden. If things got rough, I am usually the first one who jumps off the bridge. And so I thought. Here you are, equipped with kind heart and a smile of friendship.. something that I cannot resist.. but why I wanted more than that though I know your heart belongs to someone else?

Maybe because you are one of the few most beautiful people I ever met in my entire life and I badly wanted to keep you as my friend yet it seems being friends with you will kill me. Why? because I am in pain to see you very much in love and happy with your partner. I can’t help to be jealous and wishing to be her.
You said I am always guarded. Maybe I am and that’s my freaking nature.. but I was never been this guarded toward anyone as much as to you yet I was never been this defenseless.. coz no matter how I tried to shield myself not to fall deeper.. a simple gesture.. a smile coming from you.. could instantly melt my armory and send me straight to heaven and back in hell again after realizing that you love someone else. It’s a rhythmic chasm that I am addicted into. Now, I don’t know how to stop it because I am completely lost in control.

See the odds? So don’t blame me if I have moments of silence with you. Its not that I don’t want to know you more.. its just I am afraid I cant stop asking questions and eventually fall deeper and deeper. I admit! I am afraid.. afraid of the consequences that in the process I will become too selfish and demand something more and scare the hell out of you. You might push me away and withdraw your friendship.. something I cant afford to lose.

So I choose to wrath on words in silence and continue to curse the God and Goddesses above until they hear me.. until then I'l pester Words just the same and hoping cupid will take away his spell..